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Original poster

Do you know anyone who had a termination?

64 replies

heartbroken22 · 31/10/2022 09:27

What was their reason for it? I had to have one around 6 months ago because I was really really sick with hyperemesis and was bed bound. I'm just curious as to how many others have had to terminate a very much wanted pregnancy due to ill health and whether they regret it. I regret it immensely but it had to be done at the time otherwise I would have died. It was horrible.

OP posts:

AuntieDickhead · 31/10/2022 09:31

Me as a sexually abused teen.

A friend of mine, now in her 80s who had one years and years ago for medical reasons. She feels regret but knows she had to terminate.

I hope you find peace, you did what you had to

JenniferBarkley · 31/10/2022 09:35

I'm so sorry OP. That is heart breaking. No judgement here, if that means anything to you.

I know a couple of women who had terminations for medical reasons (FFA). I'm sure I know others but they've chosen to keep it to themselves.

DoodlePug · 31/10/2022 09:36

Yes, I know 3 women who had to have a termination on medical grounds.

One was desperate to hang on until the last second in the hope of the baby being large enough to survive and very nearly died, I think if she hadn't had 2 other dc to think of she might have left it too long.

💐

AthenaPopodopolous · 31/10/2022 09:37

I know someone who had very bad hyperemesis and decided to have a termination. She did go on to have another pregnancy though and the sickness was better controlled somehow. Sorry for your loss OP.

Smilelesstalkmore · 31/10/2022 09:37

I'm sure I know quite a few but they have never shared it.

I think I only know one for sure, and that was because the 12 week scan showed the foetus was incompatible with life.

I'm sorry for what happened to you, its so unfair sometimes.

LoobyDop · 31/10/2022 09:39

I had one 25 years ago because I was too young and barely able to look after myself, never mind a child. I firmly believe if I hadn’t done it I never would have got my head above water.

I’m so sorry you went through that, @heartbroken22. It must have been truly devastating. Please don’t make it worse for yourself by feeling guilty. You did absolutely nothing wrong, and you had no choice anyway.

ItHasTheJuice · 31/10/2022 09:40

1 in 3 women in the UK have at least one termination in their lifetime so we all know women who have.

I have had one but have never shared this in real life with anybody other than my DH. It’s completely likely I know others who have but also don’t share the fact.

Sorry for what you’ve been through x

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 31/10/2022 09:49

I know someone who had one because she felt she was too young, she was at university at the time. She is still with her boyfriend (now husband) and they have 2 children that she ended up having mid-twenties. I know she has mixed feelings, I think knowing what she knows now, that they stayed together, both have stable jobs (she is a teacher), that she could have made it work, but she didn't know it would pan out that way at the time.

WhenPushComesToShove · 31/10/2022 10:13

I allowed myself to be bullied into terminating a pregnancy many years ago. I have come to terms with it but it's a small well of sadness inside that will never leave me. I forgive myself but I wish I had been stronger...

MegGriffinshat · 31/10/2022 10:29

My close friend when she was 19 and felt she was too young.

She is at peace with her choice and has been for many years now.

MegGriffinshat · 31/10/2022 10:33

And to answer your original question, I met a couple of women when I was having investigations in pregnancy. Their pregnancies didn’t go as planned and they had to terminate for medical reasons.

I don’t think it’s something that people can understand until they are in that position themselves.

Anyone who would judge a woman’s reasons needs to take step back. We can’t walk in each others shoes.

Mosik · 31/10/2022 10:37

When I was a teenager in the 70s lots of my friends did.
One, who I'm still friendly with, had an abortion at 18 and went on to have three children but 20 years later.

Foolsandtheirmoney · 31/10/2022 10:39

I had to have a termination because I had sepsis and would have died. I don't regret it. I was 8 weeks, if I wasn't alive there would be no baby anyway and my children would be without a mother. I don't really see that it was a choice. Either i terminated and lost the pregnancy or the pregnancy would have been lost anyway when I died in a few days.

QforCucumber · 31/10/2022 10:41

I had one, only 3 years ago. we were told at the 12 week scan the baby was very poorly and if they were born (9% chance of survival to birth) would have 0 quality of life and not survive past 1 year, we had to decide. The hardest choice of my life after seeing the scan and them moving around but I do not regret it.

MadeInChorley · 31/10/2022 10:43

I hope you are ok, OP. I know a lot of women who have had terminations. Lots of reasons too. I am pro-choice and whatever reason someone has to terminate is a good reason for them.

One friend terminated after her much wanted baby girl was found to have a condition that was incompatible with life. Another was emigrating and whose family was compete. One friend was a teen and got pregnant after her first, naive, sexual experience and terminated. Another friend didn’t want to raise a child single handed after her boyfriend left her. Another close friend had terrible post- natal depression with her first child and couldn’t go through it again.

whiteroseredrose · 31/10/2022 10:45

Really sorry to hear about yours.

Several friends (and I) had terminations in our 20s. Generally because it was with the wrong man.

Brieeeeeeeee · 31/10/2022 10:47

whatever reason someone has to terminate is a good reason for them.

This. I’m sorry you’re hurting and I hope you can find peace. I am aware of a couple of friends having terminations - because they didn’t want to raise children - but am sure that many other women I know have had them for a variety of reasons.

PuttingDownRoots · 31/10/2022 10:48

Several when I was teenager/early twenties. The time wasn't right.

Doowop1919 · 31/10/2022 10:53

4 friends (1 of which I accompanied to the hospital for support, another I was there as she laid out her options and feelings about keeping or terminating), and 1 auntie. 3 of my friends were just too young and not ready, 1 of which was in a toxic relationship young, the other 2 had contraceptive failures. Other friend was just not using protection with her fwb. My auntie had just found out her husband was having an affair and had to think of her two existing children and couldn't imagine leaving with a newborn in tow too.

HairyToity · 31/10/2022 10:53

I know five people who have had terminations. Two were teenagers. One had recently separated from her alcoholic husband, when she found out she was pregnant by him. Another was 46 years old with two teenage children and her husband 53 (neither her or her husband could face going back to changing nappies). Final one was on medical grounds.

HairyToity · 31/10/2022 10:54

I should add apart from medical grounds, all terminations were unplanned pregnancies.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 31/10/2022 11:00

A friend had one when she got pg from q then boyfriend very.young. she was about to go to uni and it was just the wrong time.

They are still friends. He and his wife have 3 children. She, sadly, regrets the abortion now as she has been unable to have children with her husband.

Ihaveoflate · 31/10/2022 11:01

I had a termination when I was 19 because it wasn't the right time and I didn't want to be tied to that boyfriend for the rest of my life. It wasn't a pleasant experience but I never once regretted the decision.

BMW6 · 31/10/2022 11:04

I had one, was single and pregnant from a casual relationship. Never told the father. Never regretted my decision.

brownbeauty80 · 31/10/2022 11:05

One for bad timing
One for medical

Regretted having to do both

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