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Original poster

Do you know anyone who had a termination?

64 replies

heartbroken22 · 31/10/2022 09:27

What was their reason for it? I had to have one around 6 months ago because I was really really sick with hyperemesis and was bed bound. I'm just curious as to how many others have had to terminate a very much wanted pregnancy due to ill health and whether they regret it. I regret it immensely but it had to be done at the time otherwise I would have died. It was horrible.

OP posts:
HelloDulling · 31/10/2022 11:07

To my certain knowledge, me and one good friend. However, I work with around 100 women, so I must know many more.

I was 19, about to go to uni, and was in no way ready to have a baby. I'm now 45, still with the same fella and we have 2 teenagers. I have not a single regret.

My friend was mid 30s, already had a teenage son, and no desire to have any more. We haven't discussed it since, but I'm as sure as I can be that she has no regrets.

Turquoisa80 · 31/10/2022 11:20

My friend at uni had one, she wants ready to have a child and another one had a very non committal boyfriend. I've had one after 2 kids, I felt done and financially/emotionally unable to go forward with having another baby .. Im okay with my decision. Luckily I always realise very early and I was only 5 weeks at the time.

AnyRandomName · 31/10/2022 11:28

Yes, many women and I'm thankful that they have the option to make the decision that was right for them.

  • a friend at uni that just was too young
  • three women who didn't feel ready in new relationships
  • two friends for medical reasons
StClare101 · 31/10/2022 11:31

Yes, several. Boyfriend broke up with them when they found out they were pregnant, they felt they were too young, boyfriend was a creep and they were figuring out how to break up with him. All good reasons because any reason is a good reason. None of them regret it at all.

Ostryga · 31/10/2022 11:33

I’ve had 2. One when I was 17 and stupidly, stupidly didn’t use proper precautions. One when I was 25 and so unbelievably unwell with HG I was hospitalised and just couldn’t do it any longer. I don’t regret either.

BlipFlipBopFlop · 31/10/2022 11:34

I had to terminate my first pregnancy because some of his organs hadnt developed.

I dont regret it in the sense of, it needed to be done. He would of died in the womb anyway or if the pregnancy had continued to full term he would of died a painful death shortly after being born

But I wish he'd of been okay and I think about him a lot, but I did the kindest thing for him. He'll be 10 this year and its took almost 10 years for me to come to terms that it was the kindest thing to do. I blamed myself for a very long time.

I have friends who have had terminations because they didnt want the pregnancy ( no judgment from me ) some regret it, some dont.

Branleuse · 31/10/2022 11:35

Ive had one. My mums had one, one of my aunts has had several. I have friends that have, both ones for their own sakes and some which were heartbreaking for medical reasons.

Im really sorry you lost your wanted baby. Thats so hard. It isnt your fault xx

ThreeRingCircus · 31/10/2022 11:54

Two that I know of. One because she was 18 and felt she was just too young, her boyfriend had recently dumped her too so she'd have been on her own.

The other had a late termination for medical reasons (baby incompatible with life.) As PPs said, I'm sure there will be others and those are only the ones that have chosen to share their stories with me. I know in both cases they say they feel sad about it but don't regret it if you see what I mean.

georgarina · 31/10/2022 11:58

I had two. Both at the wrong life stage and with the wrong partner. Happy I waited for the right time.

Bestcatmum · 31/10/2022 12:01

I've had one. I wasn't happy about it but it transpired my boyfriend of the time was sabotaging our contraception as he wanted a baby and I didn't.
I wasn't prepared to have a child under those circumstances.
I don't regret it. It was a terrible thing for him to do.

LavenderfortheBees · 31/10/2022 12:05

A family member 30 odd years ago due to severe issues with the foetus.

I'm sure I know plenty of other women who have but haven't felt the need to tell me.

I haven't had one but would straight away if I ever became pregnant as I really, really don't want to give birth or raise a child. I might be sad about it but would be much worse off mentally if I went through with it.

minipie · 31/10/2022 12:07

I had one in my 20s. Accidental pg and I wasn’t even slightly ready or willing to have a child at that stage. No regrets at all.

I’m so sorry you had to terminate a wanted pregnancy, that must have been so hard.

SpinningFloppa · 31/10/2022 12:11

I know more women who’ve had one then who haven’t, I’m one of the only ones I know who hasn’t. All of them because they just didn’t want a child (Not medical reasons). One was because she didn’t know who the father was. Others because it was casual relationships.

TomTraubertsBlues · 31/10/2022 12:12

I think pretty much everyone in the UK will know someone who has had a termination. They aren't unusual, or anything to be ashamed of, regardless of the reason.

gogohmm · 31/10/2022 12:15

A friend of mine had to at 20 weeks as her baby was missing over half its brain. Very sad for her, but she felt at peace as the pregnancy wasn't going to end in a baby

trevthecat · 31/10/2022 12:19

I had one in 2010. I had a 3m old, was on the pill, in an abusive relationship. It wasn't something I jumped too, it took time to think it through but ultimately it was the best decision at the time

LunchBoxPolice · 31/10/2022 12:20

I’ve had one due to HG too.

Juliejuly · 31/10/2022 12:22

Me, found out I was pregnant with what would have been our 5th child (failed vasectomy)
No regrets at all about the decision to have an abortion, still remember the sheer relief even now many years later.

ohyouknowwhatshername · 31/10/2022 12:30

I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through @heartbroken22 Flowers

I've been through it too. My reason was also HG. I felt instant relief, which was unfortunately followed by a long period of guilt and regret. But honestly, it is not our fault that we get HG, and we shouldn't feel guilty for wanting it to end. It is a serious condition and such a horrible thing to go through. You have my sympathy.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 31/10/2022 12:42

Me, just didn’t want another child. I felt a huge huge relief.

Tdcp · 31/10/2022 12:43

Same as you OP, a very much wanted pregnancy but repeated hospital admissions with HG and a 2 year old at home meant I had little choice in the end.

Umbrellabee · 31/10/2022 12:44

My friend did when we were at uni. She was young and the guy was just not really someone you’d want a kid with. There are probably more but she was the only one who chose to share it. I don’t believe she ever regretted it although she was sad she had to do it and it was a hard decision for her.

namechangefyi · 31/10/2022 13:11

I got pregnant by accident from failed contraception and was on a medication which was very unsafe to take when pregnant and could cause all sorts of problem with the baby. I had to have a termination and it broke my heart. I had one before too when I was 17 as my partner made me pick him or the baby, he left me the day after the termination, but realistically he did me a massive favour.

cantbeforeal · 31/10/2022 13:12

I had to have one due to my health recently too Sad

TulipsTwoLips · 31/10/2022 13:17

Hypermesis is truly awful, and much more dangerous than I ever realised. You have no reason to feel guilty.