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Original poster

Absolutely hate being a mother :(

53 replies

mumtobee22 · 30/10/2022 20:06

Hi all I've posted something like this before when my baby was 7 months and people told me it gets easier but he's 15 months now and I feel it's getting worse... I absolutely hate being a mum. I hate it. Most of the days I just find myself crying and crying, I do love my baby but I had a difficult start and found it hard to bond with him. Most of the days I just want to lie in bed away from him. I just want to be away from him that I wish I would go into hospital. I'm so sick of the same stuff with him everyday it's an never ending circuit. I can't talk to my family about this because they love him so much and they would be so cross and they said I'm a disgrace and not fit to be a mother. I have suffered mental health and depression from an early age and I feel having a baby has just made this worse . I had a difficult relationship with the father and every time I look at my baby it's a constant reminder of what the father did to me. I hate being tied to him. I miss my old life soo much I just want it back. I'm only 22 and I miss going out. I feel so bad for writing this because he's such a lovely child but I just feel like I can't love him the way all my family do. I feel so alone with no support I literally can't stop crying :(

OP posts:
Intru · 30/10/2022 20:11

Can your husband increase the amount of time he has your son for while you get some help dealing with your issues, or even take him for a week at a time?

PerfectPrepPrincess · 30/10/2022 20:17

@mumtobee22 are you on antidepressants? If not would you go on them? Sounds classic depression to me xxx FlowersCakeBrew xxx

LynetteScavo · 30/10/2022 20:17

I think you need to speak to your GP, and also try to get your family to have your DC as much as they're willing. Do you work? Having a 1-5 month old is Hard Work for anyone, let alone for someone who begrudges being a parent. I think working might provide you with some relief from the monotony of childcare.

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Madpup0267 · 30/10/2022 20:18

Have you seen a GP? This will partly be down to age and partly down to post natal depression I would imagine. You feel you are missing out and it's a tie. I felt very similar. It gets better and easier but I would speak to your family too as they may help you out a bit.

Uurrjb · 30/10/2022 20:22

Is there anyway of separating the absolute grinding monotony of housework etc with being with lo and out doing things, socialising etc

i remember people saying isn’t it really boring and I would say yeah all the admin shit is but we filled our days with swimming walking bike riding baking messy play and meeting up

Original poster
mumtobee22 · 30/10/2022 20:22

I'm not married and I don't speak to the father. I'm on Fluoxetine and I can't speak to my family because they think I'm a disgrace

OP posts:
America12 · 30/10/2022 20:23

Intru · 30/10/2022 20:11

Can your husband increase the amount of time he has your son for while you get some help dealing with your issues, or even take him for a week at a time?

Sounds like she's on her own

America12 · 30/10/2022 20:24

You're not a disgrace , it's bloody hard work on your own . Is there anything you can do to get a break ?
Agree you need to see GP.

NCLemon · 30/10/2022 20:24

When did you last speak to your doctor? Is it worth going back?

NewYorkLassie · 30/10/2022 20:26

Please get some help OP, go and see your GP.

Intru · 30/10/2022 20:28

mumtobee22 · 30/10/2022 20:22

I'm not married and I don't speak to the father. I'm on Fluoxetine and I can't speak to my family because they think I'm a disgrace

Is it worth contacting them again, and sharing the parenting? It sounds as though it’s too much for you to do alone at the moment.

When are you planning to send your son to nursery and return to work? That’s going to be a big step towards a return to some sort of the life which you had before.

user3193 · 30/10/2022 20:28

Oh OP. I hope your ok. Being a mum is relentless and hard work. Is there anyone at all you can reach out too? Any friends, baby/mum groups?

supersop60 · 30/10/2022 20:33

Please go back to your doctor. You sound very depressed and you need extra help.

PerfectPrepPrincess · 30/10/2022 20:36

The toddler stage is definitely the hardest. You're not a disgrace, you're struggling, we all do at some point. I'd reach out for support from your HV and homestart xx

Chattycathydoll · 30/10/2022 20:37

I hated it most of the time until she was about 3. Others tried to say I had PND, I said truthfully no I’m not depressed, parenting is just a lot of drudge and not much back under 3. Once she could start to express herself a bit more and have more of a personality it became more fulfilling. But I am (and was then) aware that I wasn’t parenting her for fulfilment or fun, but because she needed it, and I loved her so it was fine.

I wouldn’t have survived it without help from a lot of mum & baby groups, support groups, baby massage, the childrens centre…. And one day a week studying while she went to a childminder from 18mos old. What is your support network like, OP?

Original poster
mumtobee22 · 30/10/2022 20:39

I take him to home start and sure start baby groups and I thought I had support from my family until last night I told them I hated being a mother and they said I'm a disgrace and unfit to be a mother.

OP posts:
Stupidbonfire · 30/10/2022 20:41

Bless you. Just to add 15 months is an incredibly hard age. It’s simply relentless, they have no attention span, can’t do anything independently, need constant and I mean constant supervision to keep them safe. I simply hated it, despite how much I loved my babies. The tiredness makes everything seem worse. You can’t even have a conversation with someone without the child causing some sort of interruption.

what I would say is, hang in there. By the time they are 3, it gets easier and easier. You’ll get some childcare hours for a Pre school or something. And honestly there is no one I enjoy being with more now, than my 4 year old and 10 year old. But I HATED the 12 - 30 month stage.

in terms of how to get through the next 12 months, do you have any mum friends? Any baby groups etc? I used to drag myself to toddler groups etc just to get out a bit, and made some mum friends, to do like minded stuff with. It really really saved me.
even if you can have a night out, a friend to bring their little one round, put them to bed and have a chat etc.

it will get better and you will still be young ☺️

pyjamafashionista · 30/10/2022 20:43

There is so much support available for you, but you must see your GP and tell him/her everything you wrote here. You are not a disgrace - but your family absolutely are for making you feel so worthless!! You're doing motherhood alone, you're already doing amazing!! Get some help from your GP, you will turn a corner and you CAN do this - believe in yourself. Much love

MightyOaks · 30/10/2022 20:44

OP please may I ask what county you're in? I just want to give you a phone number which may (will) help you a great deal x

Original poster
mumtobee22 · 30/10/2022 20:44

MightyOaks · 30/10/2022 20:44

OP please may I ask what county you're in? I just want to give you a phone number which may (will) help you a great deal x

Northern Ireland

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 30/10/2022 20:45

OP unfortunately if you say you hate being a mother society is structured such a way to tell you that you are disgusting.

If you say I dislike not having time to yourself, society is structured in such a way to tell you well what did you expect if you have a child and to wag a finger at you.

What you actually need, and it is hard due to his age, is friends and neighbours who can take him of your hands for as little as 5 minutes sporadically but often enough so you feel you can breath.

So apart from your family who do you talk to who lives around you?

RoseslnTheHospital · 30/10/2022 20:48

I'm sorry your family have been so useless. They are disgracing themselves by not recognising what you're saying as a symptom of your depression and situation. They should have been offering at least a kind listening ear, if not some practical support.

I'm not sure about NI, but do you know if you'd qualify for the funded childcare hours for 2 year olds?

Smearywindowsagain · 30/10/2022 20:48

This sounds very hard. Basically until they’re about 3/4 it’s pretty relentless. I think your first is particularly hard because the transition from freedom is a shock. You’ve got that added issue of being alone. As above, you need a break so going back to work and getting him into nursery will give you a bit more balance and you’ll enjoy him more. If your family love him so much presumably they’re doing some babysitting?

Minimalme · 30/10/2022 20:55

Well, I think your family are a disgrace - you are 22 and bringing up a child alone. Wtaf are they on not helping you more?

If you were my daughter/sister, I would be offering to let ok after your baby as much as you needed until you feel well and more able to cope.

Concentrate on yourself - could you talk to social services and ask if they have any respite carers to take baby a couple of nights a week?

Whatever you do, please don't blame yourself for this. You have done nothing wrong.

SuperCamp · 30/10/2022 20:57

Oh, love, you are not a disgrace. You really aren’t.

You love your little boy, and you deserve to have a better time.

Can I ask what the father did? You sound very traumatised, and of course you don’t need to say here, but I wonder if some counselling might help? Your little boy is from YOU, and you are his Mum, and you deserve to be a little team.

You are young, and life as a single parent is tough. Who do you have in RL who is on your side?

You do sound as if you may have depression and might need a change of AD?

I am so sorry life is so hard for you and I wish I could come over and help you. Xx