To wonder if I've made a huge mistake having a baby

[Inpatientlywaiting]

I feel horrible for even thinking it.
My baby is 3 weeks old tomorrow, I just don't think I'm cut out to be a mother.
I take care of her, and I'm pretty sure I love her. I'd never let any harm come to her.
But I cant help thinking I've made a mistake and she would be better off with someone who deserves her/feels lucky to have her.
My pregnancy was awful, honestly the worst year of my life.
Labour lasted 3 days and I still feel traumatised by it 3 weeks later.
I could barely even look at my daughter for the first 2 days, I took care of her but didn't really see her if that makes sense.
I was just going through the motions.
She doesn't sleep well, when she wakes up for a feed it takes 2 sometimes 3 hours to get her back to sleep, I'm absolutely exhausted.
There's nothing I can do, I've made my bed now but I have no idea how I can stop feeling this way.
I want so much to look at my baby and feel joy. I've only just got to the point where I don't cry every day (but still most days) so I was hoping I'd start to feel differently.
I feel terrible, so many people would give anything to have a baby.

That’s a lovely update OP. I’m glad you have found a routine that works for you both. Enjoy the smiles.

I got 3 children and the first can be a massive shock of responsibility that unfortunately comes at a time when you are physically exhausted and emotionally vulnerable. I'm so pleased it's getting better for you.

Baby blues, its normal, it will pass and get better, but speak to your GP

I'm really pleased things are getting better for you, I hope they continue to do so.

Ah I pressed send too soon, and then baby woke up.

I just want to say thank you again for all the kind replies I've received, they helped more than you'll ever know.

Whilst I do have a small wish that I'd been able to carry on breast feeding, the fact that my baby is happy and healthy and I'm finally able to start enjoying her and my new life is more important.

Xx

Your only upset because you genuinely do care. To not have a sleeper in the early days is a nightmare but it will get better as you figure out what’s causing it. Likely wind or reflux as they are not very good at digesting bless them. And she just wants your warmth.

I would set up a nest somewhere you and her can breastfeed then cosleep safely. Purchase a good swaddle. I never had much success with the traditional winding techniques but putting them in a sitting position and circling the upper torso round made for good burps. Change when they wake so you can feed to sleep.

Ignore all housework, shopping and cooking etc. Tell your partner to sort it out!

Just hunker down and focus on your recovery from birth. It’s exhausting but it’s only week 3. So much changes so quickly and you will settle in xxx

This makes me really happy. Sending lots of love

Ive only read your posts OP. Glad you're feeling a bit more positive.

One thing that jumped out at me - PLEASE don't let your partner's pride stop you from getting help

My biggest regret with DS1 was a) not making DH help more and b) not doing what I needed which was cosleeping. Both DH and my mum said baby should sleep in own cot. They weren't the ones getting up 10-15 times every night for YEARS (DS1 didn't sleep through til he was 7 cos of severe reflux and undiagnosed ADHD).

DH never did a night wake up until DS2 was born and I physically couldn't do 2 DC at the same time. I so regret it as its fucked up my health.

However, my DC are wonderful and totally adore me so it is what it is.

Not much advice to give but I understand exactly what you are going through. I have a 4 week old and have had the same feelings, pregnancy was so hard and labour was horrendous didn’t go to plan (assisted delivery and episiotomy). It was a shock being at home with a baby to look after constantly, whilst in pain and exhausted, not being able to just grab shower or drink of water or proper sleep. It’s torturous sometimes. I have been told it gets easier.

I also keep worrying about the future and how I will manage to be a good mother when everything’s gone to shot: My main worry is financial as all our bills have gone up unexpectedly and we won’t be able to afford childcare, ran the number and we will be in an impossible financial situation in a few months. I feel like the cost of living crisis is going to ruin my motherhood experience and make me depressed.