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Did covid screw anyone else's life up?

1000 replies

girlmeetsboy · 27/10/2022 13:28

Interested to hear on this as I have been reading a thread where people loved the solidarity of it all. For me it was redundancy, house lost, business lost and savings...

OP posts:
MrMrsJones · 27/10/2022 17:44

HenryHenrietta · 27/10/2022 15:37

Wow @MrMrsJones Read the room

Oh are we just doing covid was shit and ruined my life.

Ok, I lost my job, got another one, but now I'm isolated from everyone as I WFH, I have to put up with my husband as he is also WFH and to top it off we now have two dogs who we have to put in extra effort with.

I don't socialise nearly as often as I did and my anxiety sometimes hits peek levels.

I just put a positive spin on it!

goldfinchonthelawn · 27/10/2022 17:46

Signeduptosimplyreplytothis · 27/10/2022 17:40

My life went downhill rapidly in so far as it remained exactly the same through lockdown as it was before and not one person cared.

So while society was all about looking after your neighbours, look after the person on their own I spent a whole month without speaking to another adult at one point, and the norm was to go a week or two without conversation too. I would absolutely win any solitary confinement contest so I suppose that's a win.

When everyone was celebrating the reopening of pubs and bars and getting to see people again it meant nothing to me. My mental health is awful now. I've got so used to being completely isolated i can't see a point where I'll ever have the confidence to interact with people properly again. I don't even have to see people in person for work because the drive for WFH means I don't even have to leave the house for that anymore.

I am so sorry. This is heartbreaking. It is SO hard to have faith that this can change, but honestly, what you describe is what my DS went through. It is terrifying and soul destroying. I am not sure how he summoned the strength to try one more time but he did (and he was terrified and profoundly depressed at the time) but he signed up to help at a soup kitchen and bit by bit a life emerged for him, developed from that single act of bravery when life was so bad. 18 months on, he's got a very strong social life. You deserve that too. Please try and face getting out and about again.

BogRollBOGOF · 27/10/2022 17:46

Nothing directly life-changingly awful but just a grind of continuously crushed hope.
The things I do and the way my social networks are spread were heavily impacted by restrictions. All my external purpose was either taken away/ switched on/ off at short notice for 18m
I loathed the 15m of living in DH's office when one of our rooms was commandeered for the great WFM effort, and the constant relentless noise of his calls/ voice carrying through the house due to the acoustics. Fortunately he was no great fan either and quietly snuck back to the office long before his hyper cautious HQ authorised it. I was constantly hushing children to not disturb Very Important Work.

Because of all the hysteria over following the rules in 2020 plus many people adding extra caution, my children went 6 months without playing with anyone other than their sibling. DS1 who was newly diagnosed with ASD coped OK but DS2's friends were allowed to school and grew up without him while he sank into a depression. He was y2 in 2020, and it's only really now in y5 that he's really re-finding his social confidence and getting his learning levels back on track. Home learning was a daily torment. In winter 2021, DS2 would sob daily into my lap through the live lessons, tormented by seeing half the class on screen. Still he was not allowed into school despite the obvious toll on his learning and wellbeing.

My family are spread and my family connections have fizzled. Some family members hunkered down and lost interest. Some friends and younger family have been swept up with keeping up with the pace of life and had no spare capacity left. We didn't have a "bubble" and being a family of 4 took us over "The Rule of 6" which people we knew took seriously in 2020.

It's 3 years since we saw MIL. She died this summer. She was old and frail but the travel and health/ care restrictions meant that she couldn't see the DCs in person until her health was too fragile to make travel plans. We went over in 2021 but only one visitor was allowed. At least DH saw her several times in her last painful, joyless year. She was never going to be immortal or re-find good health and lengthy restrictions (worse than the UK) took away the last of her independence and stiffled her family life. It was like the restrictions had a flawed purpose of preserving her as a museum piece, but not allowed to really live.

I've had a shock, young family member bereavement. I'm not sure of the role of restrictions in triggering it. It is a plausible possibility.

I used a lot of internal fight to get through 2020, and the following winter finished it off. I'm pretty sure I was depressed through much of 2021, but the increased routine from the September pulled it back. I still haven't got my sparkle back though. Life is still throwing up disruptive curveballs (not necessarily Covid related) and I still can't feel excitement and anticipation because too many nice things have been cancelled, disrupted or had all the fun restricted out of them. I enjoy good moments and am normally back to feeling a normal emotional range, but I still do not trust that something nice will happen until I am actually doing it, and I miss it. I suspect the cure will be consistency.

The wider social damage we're seeing was inevitable, and it's horrible seeing that it's come to fruition. I spoke up about it early on and was constantly shouted down for being a Granny Killer because I cared about more than just Covid. I hope that the inhumane restrictions of 2020/21 are never repeated; the toll on the population has been at least as bad as the illness was itself.

LeDandy · 27/10/2022 17:47

Yes,

Blankspace35 · 27/10/2022 17:51

I used to love going out and seeing people, now id rather stay home. That might be the weight gain from not going to the gym through covid and choosing to stay in and watch tv after doing home schooling every day. I was full of good intentions at the start of lockdowns but theres only so many times you can do all the local walks and not be able to let the kids go in any of the parks. I find i have less patience for people and situations i would have had before and just want to be left alone most of the time

notanothertakeaway · 27/10/2022 17:54

Some very sad stories on this thread

FlowersFlowers to you all

roaringmouse · 27/10/2022 17:56

MrMrsJones · 27/10/2022 17:44

Oh are we just doing covid was shit and ruined my life.

Ok, I lost my job, got another one, but now I'm isolated from everyone as I WFH, I have to put up with my husband as he is also WFH and to top it off we now have two dogs who we have to put in extra effort with.

I don't socialise nearly as often as I did and my anxiety sometimes hits peek levels.

I just put a positive spin on it!

I don't think the OP was calling for a 'positive spin', given the title of the thread, and as so many people have been detailing heartbreaking, life-altering circumstances, your initial post seemed very insensitive.

Your second post seems to be defensive and facetious, which again, given the raw honesty shared on here, seems unnecessarily spiteful.

user1494050295 · 27/10/2022 17:57

Furlough for a few weeks. The real effing screw up was schools. My daughter would have benefited from having a better prep for her 11+. There were hundreds of girls going for a limited number of places. She prob would not have made the cut even with being fully prepared however because she wasn’t due to schools only being open for SEN or vulnerable I feel she didn’t go in to the tests having done everything she needed to do

Mamabearto5 · 27/10/2022 17:57

Buttons0522 · 27/10/2022 14:50

Gosh I am so sorry for the awful things you have all been through.

Mine seems trivial now, but I do feel like I’m a really crappy parent now and I’ve been wondering if it’s due to covid. Going from one to two was hard, more so with very little support, threats of having to labour alone, questioning the legality of having a grandparent care for our elder child etc, I mean when you think of it now it seems insane! I used to be a really hands on mum, loved playing, setting up crafts etc. but I genuinely feel like I gave every last ounce I had to give during the lockdowns, keeping it all together. These days the kids are lucky if I chuck some play doh their way and I never want to see a tuff tray again in my life!! I feel so drained, physically and emotionally, and think a lot has stemmed from that period.

this I feel the same

EmmaH2022 · 27/10/2022 17:57

Beautiful3 · 27/10/2022 17:22

I lost a lot of friends. During lock down I messaged/rang friends, checking on them. I asked if they were okay and to let me know if they needed anything. They kind of ignored me and I've never bothered with them since. I was quite shocked that none of them checked in on me, nor did they keep in touch. These were people, I messaged and socialised with pre covid. Some I had known for over 30 years.

Same
Pp mentiined hearing about people having friends to check on them if they were alone

no

all crap IME. I even told three people I was suicidal. Only one helped. I was really desperate to call her as the friendship had ended with her being racist to me. But she saved my life I think.

in theory I am trying to make new friends. In practice, I kind of hate everyone.

if I was going to make an online friend profile, it would say "no pro lockdowners".

goldfinchonthelawn · 27/10/2022 17:58

One thing I don't quite understand is how it killed my appetite for adventure. I thought it would do the opposite. DH and I were due to visit China the year Covid took hold. We were so excited. It got cancelled and we have no plans to rebook. Now I think - China? Meh.

This year I forced myself to book a holiday abroad for the first time in a few years and quite liked it. It was OK. But I didn't feel excited to go and barely remembered it after we got back. Even though it was beautiful and we had a 'good' time. I just felt blunted there. I had a lot of drive pre-Covid that has drifted a fair bit.

I still force myself to do all the things I wanted to do, but the excitement and joy are very muted.

RedRosie · 27/10/2022 17:59

I'm so sorry for all the losses of loved ones.

COVID hasn't hurt us per se (we've had it in the house three times). And DH and I were able to mainly work at home, save money etc etc. No-one close to us was seriously ill.

But the lockdowns themselves, the impact on the NHS, losing precious time with elderly family and watching friends and some of their children suffer so much with mental health issues?

Not worth it. In particular children and young people should have stayed in school and other educational settings. The damage done there is clear as they move through the system.

Backtoblack1 · 27/10/2022 17:59

Fat and knackered .

etopp · 27/10/2022 18:00

I have posted at great length about this on other threads, but the short version is that lockdown was horrendous for me personally (MH wise) and financially. It was devastating for my children, especially my youngest whose lockdown-related MH problems persist now.

Flowers Flowers for everyone who was so badly affected, some of whose stories make mine look like a relative breeze.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 27/10/2022 18:02

Oh yes.

I'm still in a rut.

I lost my beloved mother April 2020 from covid due to isolation we never got to grieve as a family.

Dad died suddenly not long after.

I lost my job.

I've lost myself.

I use to enjoy walking and eating healthy but I can't get back into it.

Some things improved, extra time with the children but it wasn't fun.

EmmaH2022 · 27/10/2022 18:05

goldfinch don't go to China - why take the risk! Their lockdowns are still shocking.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 27/10/2022 18:05

Horrible!

2019 had turned good. I got a new job, we were financially solvent for the first time in years and life was on the up.

3 months later, lockdown..

DS11 developed incredibly bad anxiety after attending "Covid School" after teachers told him if he got too close to his classmates he would bring covid home and this could kill his parents. He was then distraught when another boy ran too close to him, convinced he would kill us. His anxiety has never recovered. Doctors, school and CAHMS says he needs intensive counselling but due to covid the wait for this is 3 years.

Meanwhile, my sister was dying in hospital and I wasnt allowed in to see her because of covid, in January 2022!!!

Add to this I now cant stand the general public. After 2 years of feeling spied on, neighboirs rubbing their hands with glee at being able to dob each other in for breaching the "rules" and making up rules to follow like the 1 hour nonsense. I just dont think i can ever look at people the same again.

ememem84 · 27/10/2022 18:12

Absolutely. Mental health is in tatters. I was lucky to be able to work from home but that took its toll on me too. I hated it.

we’ve had to postpone things (building work and trips we were going to take and now it’s cost more and more)

I feel isolated from people a lot.

weight gain.

drank more.

Thighdentitycrisis · 27/10/2022 18:19

Yes, long distance relationship virtually non existent and added to self employed partners work being unstable for a long time

ShahRukhKhan · 27/10/2022 18:21

Honestly I feel like we are bearing cultural scars from this. It was always known that 'anything can happen' but knowing this and experiencing this are different things. But for the first time since WWII, we actually experienced how our whole world and way of life can be taken away and there was nothing we can do. No wonder we are all feeling more scared of things. I feel like the future may hold only loss and struggle. We might have to relearn how to feel safe again but it will take time. Maybe we who experienced it, might never quite get there, I don't know.

NorthernChinchilla · 27/10/2022 18:25

Pretty badly, just coming out the other side.
Legislative changes meant my workload trippled overnight just as Covid hit.
Then 6 weeks in my Mum had a fall which literally sent her insane overnight. Hospital then a nursing home, and she was only 69. Multiple aggressive/threats of suicide calls every day.
The level of work, trying to homeschooling, my youngest has- Then undiagnosed- significant SEN.
My 40th triggered a horrific mental health collapse, I was so ill, nearly sectioned.
Then Mum died in March 21- I'd seen her twice through glass in the home in the year up to her death.
Restricted, out door funeral.

Kids doing OK now, but spend far too much time on screens.

Just about coming out the other side...

Bigtom · 27/10/2022 18:25

Notable that many of people’s bad experiences were due to lockdown / other measures rather than Covid itself. Maybe we need to learn something from this.

Garysmum · 27/10/2022 18:26

This thread is heartbreaking. So much loss, suffering and continued suffering.
it’s not a case of trying to find positives, but trying to still live.

PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 27/10/2022 18:26

Honestly I feel like we are bearing cultural scars from this. It was always known that 'anything can happen' but knowing this and experiencing this are different things. But for the first time since WWII, we actually experienced how our whole world and way of life can be taken away and there was nothing we can do. No wonder we are all feeling more scared of things. I feel like the future may hold only loss and struggle. We might have to relearn how to feel safe again but it will take time. Maybe we who experienced it, might never quite get there, I don't know.

That's a really interesting way of looking at things.

girlmeetsboy · 27/10/2022 18:27

Cantstandsmugness · 27/10/2022 17:44

I feel for every one who has suffered. We lost our house and business and are now in rented. In our late 50's and I worry every day about where we will live when we are too old to work. All our friends are starting to retire and its so hard not to feel like it's a kick in the teeth - we worked so hard but just chose the wrong type of business! 25 sodding years building it up! Am gutted and sad and cry everyday!

I completely relate to this, I have no idea what we will do in retirement. Husband nearly 60, big hugs x

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