Could DH be tracking me on Whatsapp?

[falafelqueen]

This sounds paranoid but hear me out. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced being tracked via Whatsapp? I’ve suspected that DH can somehow see my whatsapp activity for a while now. Mainly as he tends to message me seconds after I open the app.

We don’t message each other loads, and it’s weird timing. For example he’ll be at work and send a message right after I first open Whatsapp in the morning, even if hours after I woke up. Or he’ll be out late, not messaging me, and if I check whatsapp he suddenly writes that he’s coming back soon as if I’d asked (and then doesn’t come back… but that’s another story!)

This has happened dozens of times, most recently today which is why i started googling.

I have to open the app to check if I have any messages, as it stopped showing notifications a while ago and I can’t figure out how to fix it. It is the main way I keep in touch with DH because he’s deleted other apps. All this makes me wonder. He used to know my passcode but I’ve changed it since.

I’ve run a spyware detector app on my phone and it came up with nothing. But I’ve just read online that people can download tracker apps to their own phones, put your number in, and since your whatsapp ‘online’ status is publicly available, it can monitor it and ping them every time you’re online? Has anyone heard of this? If he has that I’m not sure how I’d find out.

I’ve just deleted whatsapp as I’m freaked out, but I need to know if he’s really doing this. I can hardly just ask him. He has done a few weird and controlling things in the past, he apologised, we had counselling, I forgave him… but if he's spying on my phone it would be the final straw.

Help...

I'm a bit late to this but I didn't think you could track people on WhatsApp because of the encryption. My ex-h was not allowed to use it by OW for this reason, she couldn't track or monitor him or our communication in the same way as she could with iPhone.

the OW was tracking your H? Bloody hell that's just appalling?

Thanks for all the replies. I’ve been rushing around this morning and just reading the thread now.

Before I update you, I should clarify that my whatsapp status was set before I reinstalled to show ‘online’ to contacts only, and I had ‘last seen’ turned off - BECAUSE I thought he was using that to see whether I was online/awake etc. This was about a year ago so yep it’s been going on for a while.

I’ve turned all off now (set to ‘nobody’) but… it happened again this morning!

I stopped myself from looking at whatsapp for as long as I could. Finally opened it at 10.21. Nothing in there.

I got a message from him at 10.25 saying “Hey I’m at the supermarket right now if you want me to pick anything up?” followed a minute later by ‘?’

As you can see, hardly sinister content - but he’s obviously sending these messages at the time I’m seeing them, not earlier.

It’s the timing that makes me wonder. How does he know I just came online? My ‘online’ status should not be visible in the app to anyone now...

I think there are three possible explanations:

-It’s my phone/settings. It’s a three-year old Android, it isn’t playing up in any other way. I'm checking all the settings I can find and see nothing odd.
-He really is sitting there at work watching my Whatsapp status. I’d hope he has better things to do since he has an active job in the emergency services.
-He has some sort of online status tracker on his phone. The online info I’ve read suggests these trackers show whether your phone number is active in he app, regardless of your settings.

I should also clarify that I don't think he's actually reading my messages - just somehow keeping tabs on my online status.

I’ll answer the Qs about our relationship in another post. Although that could take up another thread entirely.

It does. I have android and do linked devices

@BitOutOfPractice That's not the half of it. This was alongside camera in car and having to record any conversations we had face to face. Needless to say, there is no contact now 🤷🏻‍♀️

The bloody brass neck of it @TheFormidableMrsC I am incensed on your behalf!

My android phone shows the option.

I hadn’t thought of that. I didn’t know it could be done, but might explain why I suddenly stopped getting notifications without changing anything. After reinstalling Whatsapp I am now getting them again though.

He could easily have had access to my phone as he knew my passcode for a long time and I’m always leaving it around the house.

I too thought he has your what's App on another device.

He's clever enough to not trip himself up completely but it shows that he is obsessing over what you are doing

🤮

You’re spot on with your observation and I don’t take it as an insult at all. I know we have a problem either way. I could ask him, but it seems pointless as he’d only deny it and it would cause a row. I don’t think he’d be able to have an honest conversation about it.

The “weird and controlling” behaviour I mentioned was him looking through my belongings and my old social media posts. He ‘confronted’ me about a Facebook post from two years before I’d met him and an old photo of me with a male friend (hardly grade A dirt, but he seemed to want to find something…), which is why he had to admit to snooping. I almost left him, he suggested counselling.

He also sulked whenever I went away on work trips, but when I told him to knock it off he insisted there was nothing wrong and I was imagining it.

And yes - at counselling he was Mr Perfect, very remorseful, recognised he had an issue with insecurity and jealousy and knew he had to change. Yes, he has described me as over-sensitive, and says I take things the wrong way.

He plays the part of the nice, caring husband so well 99% of the time that I almost forget these things happened. But I really needed support recently - death of a loved one, trouble at work - and he just wasn’t interested. I’m starting to feel like it’s all an act.

This is no doubt why I’ve become suspicious about the Whatsapp thing, even though it’s been happening for a while and until now I’d dismissed it as some kind of weird phone glitch or coincidence.

If he’s on your WhatsApp web he’s no when you come online. Once you sign in that initial time onto a pc,if you don’t sign out your then on it whenever you like.
but is all this relevant at all.if you even have to write this post you need to leave him now.

OP I think he's used the linked devices option and probably set it up from your phone. As far as I understand it from reading the help page, he can't actually read your messages though. I think this would be the end for me though.

Oh OP. I'm very sorry my guesses about him proved correct, your latest update so so sad.

I’ll answer the Qs about our relationship in another post. Although that could take up another thread entirely.
And if it does - it does. PP will support you in it.
The state of your relationship is a far bigger issue than the whatsapp thingy, which may or may not be a red herring. Although now we know he has form for cyber-stalking you, it may be real. But that's not really the issue - the undermining & gaslighting are.

How are you feeling? - Are you coping ok? Although you're getting great support here, it must be hard to be sitting alone & kinda ... reviewing the unpleasant facts.

He plays the part of the nice, caring husband so well 99% of the time that I almost forget these things happened. But I really needed support recently - death of a loved one, trouble at work - and he just wasn’t interested. I’m starting to feel like it’s all an act.
Again - sorry for your loss, & sorry he is being an uncaring arse.
I suspect you are correct, because this -
He also sulked whenever I went away on work trips, but when I told him to knock it off he insisted there was nothing wrong and I was imagining it.

And yes - at counselling he was Mr Perfect, very remorseful, recognised he had an issue with insecurity and jealousy and knew he had to change. Yes, he has described me as over-sensitive, and says I take things the wrong way.
took my breath away a bit, & I didn't have to live it, just read it.

He is controlling, manipulative, & very aware of how to present himself to gain credibility. You are right to choose not to bother confronting him over the whatsapp. Save all your energy for yourself, & focus entirely what YOU want, & not him. You'll come to your own conclusions in your own time. No need to rush it - but plenty of need to make sure you schedule in time for self-care.

If he has linked devices then the link will expire after a few weeks so is he setting it up again each time?

Thank you so much for such a kind and supportive message. It made me cry! I know all of this is true, but I don't have much trust in my own judgement lately, and I haven’t wanted to face up to how bad things are.

It has been a bit difficult to process, but I know the relationship is going nowhere. He’s been unpleasant all week too, trying to push my buttons constantly (for no obvious reason. I haven’t mentioned any of this to him) and it’s very draining.

I’m quietly planning a “temporary” break so I can clear my head - whether or not it ends up being temporary. I just can’t wrap my mind around the logistics of anything more permanent. I’m abroad and don’t have much support in RL, which is part of the reason I tend to stick my head in the sand... It might take some time for me to find my resolve, but this thread has been eye opening!

but I don't have much trust in my own judgement lately,
Oh sweetheart. This happens when you live with controlling people.
Your sense of self will come back. You are going to need to stay vigilant though - in terms of monitoring your own thoughts & ensuring they are YOURS & not bullshit he's fed you though.

He’s been unpleasant all week too, trying to push my buttons constantly (for no obvious reason. I haven’t mentioned any of this to him) and it’s very draining.
He is pushing you because he wants a reaction he can pounce on so that he can present YOU as the one at fault.
Google "DARVO", & "reactive abuse".
& do this in response to it - www.blunt-therapy.com/how-to-gray-rock-method-a-narcissist/
(immaterial if he is a narc or not btw. It doesn't matter what he is - it matters what he does, & how that makes you feel.)

Have fun planning your break & take your own time about it.
And remember - the sooner you are away from him, the more time you will have to forge rewarding connections with friends, colleagues, relatives ... & even, when you are ready one day, a new man.

Turn your status off so he can't see if you are online

Change your security to fingerprint not pin