Could DH be tracking me on Whatsapp?

[falafelqueen]

This sounds paranoid but hear me out. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced being tracked via Whatsapp? I’ve suspected that DH can somehow see my whatsapp activity for a while now. Mainly as he tends to message me seconds after I open the app.

We don’t message each other loads, and it’s weird timing. For example he’ll be at work and send a message right after I first open Whatsapp in the morning, even if hours after I woke up. Or he’ll be out late, not messaging me, and if I check whatsapp he suddenly writes that he’s coming back soon as if I’d asked (and then doesn’t come back… but that’s another story!)

This has happened dozens of times, most recently today which is why i started googling.

I have to open the app to check if I have any messages, as it stopped showing notifications a while ago and I can’t figure out how to fix it. It is the main way I keep in touch with DH because he’s deleted other apps. All this makes me wonder. He used to know my passcode but I’ve changed it since.

I’ve run a spyware detector app on my phone and it came up with nothing. But I’ve just read online that people can download tracker apps to their own phones, put your number in, and since your whatsapp ‘online’ status is publicly available, it can monitor it and ping them every time you’re online? Has anyone heard of this? If he has that I’m not sure how I’d find out.

I’ve just deleted whatsapp as I’m freaked out, but I need to know if he’s really doing this. I can hardly just ask him. He has done a few weird and controlling things in the past, he apologised, we had counselling, I forgave him… but if he's spying on my phone it would be the final straw.

Help...

Ah, just seen that they have recently updated the privacy setting. You can opt not to be seen online.

My WhatsApp doesn't have the linked devices option, I'm on Android

I use WhatsApp a lot. I use it regularly throughout the day. Yet sometimes for reasons I don’t know, I will have no notifications and then I open the app and all my messages come through.

I know it happens after my battery dies but no idea why it happens other times.

My Whatsapp often doesn't push messages until I open the app.
Often DH will message me to say he's stuck in traffic and I'll never get the message. Then when he gets home and says "didn't you get my message?" I'll open my phone and after a minute his message will come through.
You can also see "last online", neither of us have changed settings. So if either of us wanted to, we could send a message when someone comes online.
But, it sounds like you think he doesn't trust you, or you don't trust him, so there may be more going on here.

I have my phone on do not disturb during work times as I only have one phone and this stores all messages and notifications until active hours. For me this is 6am to 8:40 then 1-2 and 5 -10 otherwise they are pending delivery. Can't be doing with the ping and distraction whilst working.

Click the 3 dots on top right, and linked devices is a few options down.

I'm also on Android.

If you search online there are loads of people saying they don't receive WhatsApp messages until they open their phone. Does it happen with other people?

Two things, if he is tracking you, why would he message you so often when you open Whatsapp - kinda telling you what he is doing - so why do that?

plus what are the messages? Hi i'm home shall i do the dinner? OR i'm waiting in by the shower with a knife.

My Android phone gives a notification of a message on the saver screen and by the app icon, regardless of whether i ve opened the app or the phone.

The fact that you think this is possible of him suggests he has history or you have mh issues that need addressed.

only you know the truth here op.

its definitely possible technically and the fact you think it of him at all is v damning

in your shoes I would send a WhatsApp message to a friend saying something you know he won’t be able to not bring up.

As a dv survivor I hasten toward caution, you don’t want to go from 0 to a hundred but something like talking about an amazing surprise weekend away you’ve booked and then watch to see if he gives himself away

Also as a survivor… I wasted 6 months getting proof I wasn’t mad so I could leave him. Once the proof was in my hand it was worthless (and he still tried to deny all with months worth of chat about marrying someone else printed in front of him) because I knew I didn’t want to be with him regardless of wether I could prove anything

Its easy to stay in relationships because of the sunken cost fallacy but honestly I’m a big believer in cutting ties early if someone makes you feel this way!

I think he had linked your WhatsApp onto another device. Then he would get notifications and read them which would mean you don't get them.

Now that you've reinstalled you will have broken the link but you can do as a pp said and check linked devices.

This is the reason.

Android puts apps that haven't been used for some time into 'deep sleep' which means that the stop refreshing in the background and when the user opens them again it can take 30 seconds or so for the app to retrieve new messages etc.

Oh my…

Can you send a WhatsApp message to a friend when he’s sitting right beside you so you can see if his phone notifies him? I agree with others though - if you need to do this then you don’t trust him.

Surely he always can check if you are online - as you can do with any of your contacts?

When you open someone's messages, if they are active on WhatsApp it will say 'online' at the top - same place it says 'typing...' when someone is writing a message. This even shows if you have turned off the blue ticks.

I have friends who work shifts and I use this to make sure I don't text them when they are sleeping late. If I see they are 'active', I know they are awake and I'm not gonna disturb their rest.

Is there a concern his interest in your activity is nefarious rather than considerate?

I’ve just deleted whatsapp as I’m freaked out, but I need to know if he’s really doing this. I can hardly just ask him.
The marriage is in a bad way if you cannot talk to him about this.
Please don't feel this is an insult - it's an observation. You are already at the stage where it feels impossible to breezily say "mate, what's going on with my whatsapp, have you reprogrammed it or something?"

He has done a few weird and controlling things in the past, he apologised, we had counselling,
Oh my dear.
Couples counselling when one party is abusive/controlling is NOT recommended.
Surprise me - he acted the perfect husband, demonstrated 'contrition' by making all the right noises ... but somehow it was still your problem for being 'oversensitive' or some crap like that ..?

I forgave him… but if he's spying on my phone it would be the final straw.
The only thing I can think of re the whatsapp is that my last phone would show texts coming in at the time I opened the text app, not the time they were sent.
But i think tech has moved on since then, so unless you have a v old phone ...?

It's horrible for you to be in this quandary of doubt & not knowing.
So while you try to deal with those feelings & decide what to do - what kind of weird & controlling things did he do in the past?

Server delay?

The fact that you suspect this is happening at all, enough to delete your WhatsApp, and he has a history of controlling behaviour makes me think you need to leave regardless.

Well he won't be tracking you now
WhatsApp has crashed apparently

The amount of hysteria on this thread is baffling.

I haven't seen any hysteria.
All I've seen is a bunch of women supporting a worried OP with some logical possibilities.
I've also seen an OP who is clearly aware this could be a glitch or a normal routine that she doesn't fully understand yet, but who is so messed up by her H's previous weird & controlling behaviour that she suspicious to the brink of paranoia.
That's not hysteria, it's a normal reaction to prolonged spousal fuckery @Spellcheck & OP doesn't need to hear any sneering about it.

erm, this is not the case.

phones do not need time to synch when they wake up.

Mine does.
On apps where I have dual devices, notifications are usually a bit spotty & inaccurate until I have been using the phone/laptop for a couple of minutes & been back on the app.

OP, Occam's Razor (the explanation with the fewest objections is often the correct one) would suggest that he's not actually tracking you, simply looking at when you are online, OR that you have a server/app delay while your phone catches up for half a minute.

If he were key-tracking you, surely you'd have picked up on some reference to it? But he seems to have no awareness of your content, just your live status, & is just responding to you coming online.

Only you can decide, as PP said upthread, whether that is being considerate, or checking up on you.

If you could put this whatsapp worry aside, how would you be feeling right now about your husband? Has he stopped being controlling? Did he take full responsibility when you had couples counselling, did he actively work to change his behaviours? Is he treating you well now?

Is it just DH messages that come through when you open the app or do other ones too? To be honest it sounds more like your settings than him tracking you.

I also think this is the messages are delivering when you open WhatsApp. Irrelevant of when sent.

however to not assume this obvious answer and instead to leap to he is spying on you indicates something else at play?

Check three dots top right Linked Devices - remove devices you don't recognise.

Also look at Settings... Account.. Privacy... Last seen and online... You could change that from Everyone to My contacts except (partner) or to nobody and below that also change Who can see me online from Everyone to Same as last seen (which you will have set to My contacts except... or Nobody)

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