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Original poster

Could DH be tracking me on Whatsapp?

93 replies

falafelqueen · 24/10/2022 22:01

This sounds paranoid but hear me out. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced being tracked via Whatsapp? I’ve suspected that DH can somehow see my whatsapp activity for a while now. Mainly as he tends to message me seconds after I open the app.

We don’t message each other loads, and it’s weird timing. For example he’ll be at work and send a message right after I first open Whatsapp in the morning, even if hours after I woke up. Or he’ll be out late, not messaging me, and if I check whatsapp he suddenly writes that he’s coming back soon as if I’d asked (and then doesn’t come back… but that’s another story!)

This has happened dozens of times, most recently today which is why i started googling.

I have to open the app to check if I have any messages, as it stopped showing notifications a while ago and I can’t figure out how to fix it. It is the main way I keep in touch with DH because he’s deleted other apps. All this makes me wonder. He used to know my passcode but I’ve changed it since.

I’ve run a spyware detector app on my phone and it came up with nothing. But I’ve just read online that people can download tracker apps to their own phones, put your number in, and since your whatsapp ‘online’ status is publicly available, it can monitor it and ping them every time you’re online? Has anyone heard of this? If he has that I’m not sure how I’d find out.

I’ve just deleted whatsapp as I’m freaked out, but I need to know if he’s really doing this. I can hardly just ask him. He has done a few weird and controlling things in the past, he apologised, we had counselling, I forgave him… but if he's spying on my phone it would be the final straw.

Help...

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 25/10/2022 01:06

BitOutOfPractice · 24/10/2022 22:38

My guess is he’s installed your WhatsApp on a pc/ laptop. He will have had to quickly have had access to your phone to set it up but after that he can see everything if that’s what he’s done.

The phone needs to be next to it for that to work.

TeaMoreToast · 25/10/2022 01:10

It could be your settings for WhatsApp, so it doesn't run in the background. So when you go into the app, the messages come through (and it would take a few secs to do that).

Blogdog · 25/10/2022 01:52

WhatsApp for desktop will work without a phone present. DS lost his phone and used the desktop version for several days before the phone was replaced.

I also think it sounds like OP has WhatsApp set so that it doesn’t work in the background and she only sees messages when the app is opened. If that’s the case I don’t think there’s anything sinister going on.

Chattycathydoll · 25/10/2022 02:00

if someone has WhatsApp web open, it will say that on your WhatsApp phone app so I don’t think he could do it without you noticing.

If your relationship is otherwise healthy and he has a self-directed job, could it be that he keeps his phone open on his desk so he can text you when he sees you’re online, in case he woke you up or something? I’ve done that when OH was working shifts temporarily. I didn’t want his phone ping to wake him so would wait til I knew he was checking his phone from the status.

Doingmybest12 · 25/10/2022 03:08

I often think messages ping through when I've opened wattapp or touched my phone. Random messages from various people so I am sure it is coincidence or the settings.

daretodenim · 25/10/2022 03:30

Stalking a partner online, accessing their private accounts and using online methods to stalk ("track") in real life are all form of domestic violence.

He can also track your keystrokes and see everything you've typed.

My friends ex saved a copy of her WhatsApp on his iPad. There's a code so you can couple your phone to tablet accounts. So it's very easy to watch what people send and receive that way.

Backtoblack1 · 25/10/2022 03:45

BitOutOfPractice · 24/10/2022 22:38

My guess is he’s installed your WhatsApp on a pc/ laptop. He will have had to quickly have had access to your phone to set it up but after that he can see everything if that’s what he’s done.

This

LunaLights · 25/10/2022 04:25

Would there have been a way he could have set the notifications to go to his phone rather than yours? I know nothing about WhatsApp, so sorry if this is a stupid question!

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/10/2022 05:12

Mmm... WhatsApp web no longer needs your phone to be around or even on - I use WhatsApp for work admin chat, so its always on my PC - just looked on my phone and I can't see anything obvious on whatsapp on my phone that shows I am using it on my pc...

I have also re-started my phone and it hasn't fallen over, and re-started my computer, ditto... and my phone died the other day too, whatsapp web remained stable and logged itself back in without the QR code from my phone to connect.

So if he is sat at a laptop it is possible he's watching your Whatsapp on your phone via whatsapp web on his pc - he would have needed your phone to connect though originally... has your phone been near his laptop?

Confusion101 · 25/10/2022 05:32

It says on WhatsApp when you are online or last active. He would have to be clicked into your convo to see this. He interesting to see if it happens since you switched this off. How often is so many times?

isthismylifenow · 25/10/2022 06:02

There is a new setting in the latest update that you can turn off being seen online, even if your last seen is set to nobody.

I don't have it yet, but some do so I'm not sure how to roll out is working.

So as you have reinstalled the app, go to the privacy setting and see if you have this option.

Not that it helps with the issue, but if you just suddenly stopped receiving notifications, it seems a bit odd. Does the timing tie in with the strange behaviour.

Also look in battery saver to see if notifications have been disabled.

theremustonlybeone · 25/10/2022 06:23

Not sure what the issue is. If you hadn’t changed your settings on what’s app and your on the app it states ‘online’. So he would know your on hence the message.

Spellcheck · 25/10/2022 06:24

Open WhatsApp on your phone. Go to Settings at the bottom. Click ‘linked devices’. You’ll see if your phone is linked to a device and can change that.
While you’re on Settings, go to Account, then Privacy, and change it so no-one can see when you’re online, or when you were last online. Go down the list - Live Location should be set to None.
Now he can’t see when you’re on WhatsApp or when you last were. You’ll probably find that this now stops.
WhatsApp is secure and he won’t be able to hack it and read your messages, unless he’s used your phone to change settings and link the device to his PC or whatever. I think he just looks at his WhatsApp constantly to see when you’re online.

The amount of hysteria on this thread is baffling.

Picoloangel · 25/10/2022 07:11

I don’t have an app for “just seen” or “online” I think WhatsApp just has it as a default if that makes sense. For example, if it’s v early in the morning it’ll say “last seen at 2300” or if they are it’ll say, “online”

Stayingstrongish · 25/10/2022 07:11

@Spellcheck yes! That was my first thought too.

Monoprix · 25/10/2022 07:15

I think when you open WhatsApp, your contacts can see the last time you logged in. You can change it in the settings.

1WomanWonder · 25/10/2022 07:17

There is no suggestion here from the OP that her partner knows the content of any other messages, just that he seems to coincidentally message when she goes online. Also OP has not confirmed whether her online status was public or not, which seems pretty fundamental. I would not jump to the conclusion of stalking based on the info.

mum11970 · 25/10/2022 07:25

TeaMoreToast · 25/10/2022 01:10

It could be your settings for WhatsApp, so it doesn't run in the background. So when you go into the app, the messages come through (and it would take a few secs to do that).

This exactly, you’ve just turned off your WhatsApp from running in the background. It will take a minute or so for it to refresh and receive the messages when you open the app, absolutely nothing sinister or controlling at all and is exactly why the timings are off when he says he’s coming home. He most certainly isn’t using WhatsApp web, you need the phone close by and even if you didn’t I doubt very much he’s carrying his pc or iPad around to keep check and message you when he’s out and it doesn’t notify you when a new message is posted.

scarletisjustred · 25/10/2022 07:29

If I couldn't ask my husband what was going on and be convinced his answer was the truth, he wouldn't be my husband for very long

bfc1980 · 25/10/2022 07:33

There's a lot of unnecessary scare mongering going on here.

If your phone is inactive for an extended period of time, it often goes into a sort of 'hibernation' mode to save battery. Syncing with messaging apps is stopped and sometimes wifi/mobile data is suspended. When your phone 'wakes up' these services are then started again. However, it can take a few minutes for messages to be downloaded to your phones as it is trying to sync everything (facebook, instagram, emails, twitter etc etc etc).
This is most likely the reason why you are getting his messages a minute or 2 after you open the app and you have nothing to worry about.

The glaringly obvious issue though is that you suspect him of something more sinister which suggests there are are problems with your relationship and your trust of him.

FloorWipes · 25/10/2022 07:36

If your phone is inactive for an extended period of time, it often goes into a sort of 'hibernation' mode to save battery. Syncing with messaging apps is stopped and sometimes wifi/mobile data is suspended. When your phone 'wakes up' these services are then started again. However, it can take a few minutes for messages to be downloaded to your phones as it is trying to sync everything (facebook, instagram, emails, twitter etc etc etc).

My phone doesn’t hibernate. That seems like it would very much defeat the purpose. This is maybe dependent on settings?

Glitteratitar · 25/10/2022 07:42

Have you checked the time of these message? Because it sounds like the messages come through when you open the app rather than him sending it there and then.

It’s quite worrying that your first thought is he stalks you…what’s your relationship like?

jalopy · 25/10/2022 07:45

On Whatsapp, you can be seen 'Online' by your contacts if you are actively using it at that time. Its different to the 'last seen' setting.

BitOutOfPractice · 25/10/2022 07:45

bfc1980 · 25/10/2022 07:33

There's a lot of unnecessary scare mongering going on here.

If your phone is inactive for an extended period of time, it often goes into a sort of 'hibernation' mode to save battery. Syncing with messaging apps is stopped and sometimes wifi/mobile data is suspended. When your phone 'wakes up' these services are then started again. However, it can take a few minutes for messages to be downloaded to your phones as it is trying to sync everything (facebook, instagram, emails, twitter etc etc etc).
This is most likely the reason why you are getting his messages a minute or 2 after you open the app and you have nothing to worry about.

The glaringly obvious issue though is that you suspect him of something more sinister which suggests there are are problems with your relationship and your trust of him.

erm, this is not the case.

phones do not need time to synch when they wake up.

DysmalRadius · 25/10/2022 07:47

bfc1980 · 25/10/2022 07:33

There's a lot of unnecessary scare mongering going on here.

If your phone is inactive for an extended period of time, it often goes into a sort of 'hibernation' mode to save battery. Syncing with messaging apps is stopped and sometimes wifi/mobile data is suspended. When your phone 'wakes up' these services are then started again. However, it can take a few minutes for messages to be downloaded to your phones as it is trying to sync everything (facebook, instagram, emails, twitter etc etc etc).
This is most likely the reason why you are getting his messages a minute or 2 after you open the app and you have nothing to worry about.

The glaringly obvious issue though is that you suspect him of something more sinister which suggests there are are problems with your relationship and your trust of him.

To be fair, I don't think that's standard or a default setting as most people want their phone to receive messages even when they aren't using it (otherwise it utterly negates the point of having a phone!) so it's unlikely that the OP would have activated such a mode without realising.