If you ask another adult what they want for Christmas..

[Flowerfairy101]

Do you always buy it, no question, if it's in budget?
I've never got on well with my sister, she's really unpleasant to me at the best of times but the last few years she's taken to asking me what I want for Christmas then when I say, tells me she doesn't think whatever it is is worth the money (its always within our £25 budget) and to choose something else. For example I suggested a £22 top that I liked. She told me it wasn't worth it and to buy it in the sales. Another time I asked for a blanket and she said she refuses to spend that much on a blanket. This year I suggested socks thinking she can't possibly pick at that and her response was "oh god, you want more socks!" (She has no idea how many socks I have).
I find this really odd behaviour, and it kind of makes me feel small and embarrassed, like the things I like are somehow unreasonable or stupid.
If someone tells me what they want for Christmas then I just buy it no question. My DP always wants warhammer which I personally think isn't worth the extortionate price tag but it makes him happy so I buy it and don't say that to him! I kind of view a gift as something maybe indulgent that you wouldn't normally buy for yourself.

You're sister sounds awful OP. I would just tell her to get you a surprise as she is just going to pick what she wants anyway.

In answer to your question yes I will buy something that is specifically requested (I also have a Warhammer loving DH I buy the models for and agree soooo not worth the money!). It annoys me as MIL always asks for vouchers and I hate buying vouchers they are generic gifts with no thought required but hey she asks for them so it is what she gets.

This is my DH. I do love the man, so I tolerate it, but every time I’m asked what I want for a gift I get told why I don’t actually want it.

That's exactly it, I don't see the point in her asking me if whatever I say has to then meet some unspecified criteria for it to be a worthy present. Bizarre. Pretty sure she doesn't do that to other family members.

She sounds like a silly git.

Tell her not to bother and use the money you'd have spent on her present to buy yourself what you want. Don't pander to it.

Why on earth are you buying presents for each other when you don’t like one another?

just say you won’t do presents any more and buy yourself the top you want

this is my mother, she’ll pester you for what you want, you tell her something you need and then she doesn’t buy it, so thanks mum I could have just bought myself one two months ago! Or she’ll ask if you want something, you say no, and then she buys it anyway.

Good idea @Whataplanker I don't know why I keep falling for the same shit. Its only the last couple of years she's been doing it, I find it weirdly controlling.

YANBU - a gift is for the receiver, not the giver.

Why give her suggestions - tell her to get whatever she wants, and then don’t put any effort at all into her gift.

@StupidSmallFruit she asks! We never get each other surprises, we've always just bought what the other asks for until lately.

I would just not buy each other a gift what's the point, both of you save the £25 and spend it on what you want.

I have previously pulled her up on this and she's told me I'm oversensitive and/or reiterates why she doesn't want to buy what I've asked for +extra scorn for it.

Watch Martin Lewis on presant giving and put a stop to the absolute nonsnse

What does she ask for from you?

But I would be tempted to suggest not buying presents for each other this year and then going and spending the money on what I would have spent on her on exactly what I wanyed for myself.

Books..clothes..same sort of stuff I ask for, which isn't to my taste, but I buy it because it isn't a present for me, it's a present for her, so whether I like it and find it value for money is irrelevant!

It does seem that gift giving has become more and more about the giver and less and less about the recipient.

I agree with you OP - I think if someone asks you want you want, they should get you the whatever. Unfortunately many gift givers seem to think they know what the recipient would like more than the recipient does themselves ...

Suggest you dont buy for each other any more

I ask what people want. If they can send me a link, even better. My adult children are given a budget. They send me links to things they would like. Your sister sounds hard work.

Why do people tell each other what they want the whole point of a gift is that it’s a surprise

You might as well just Buy the top yourself Instead of spending on her and she do the same that way u both spent £25 on a Xmas gift but for yourselves

And this is the killer question.

"What is the point of a gift?"

I would say it's to give to the recipient pleasure because it's something they will like/enjoy.

Other people think it's to give the gift giver pleasure and to feel good about themselves. Other people (here) clearly think it's to be a surprise.

There's no point in asking what someone would like as a gift if you’re going to ignore them!

I’d buy what the recipient asked for, provided it was within my budget.
If I was just going to ignore their request if I didn’t like it, then I wouldn’t bother asking what they wanted in the first place.

Have you considered the wish list approach - a choice of several items? Then there's an element of surprise and the giver has some choice and can hopefully find something they think is good value. Otherwise, as pps have said, you might as well each agree to spend £25 on yourselves.

Personally I’d go for not exchanging gifts at all. If that doesn’t feel right to you, you could try having a wish list with several items on, and then hopefully the conversation about why you don’t actually want things can happen in her own head!

I enjoy giving (and receiving 😁) presents but in this situation I’d echo PP and suggest you stop buying for each other.

If she insists you still should though, then I’d throw it back on her and say “since you always criticise and ignore my choices, how about you make a list of things you deem acceptable to give me and I’ll pick the closest to something I’d actually like”.