If you ask another adult what they want for Christmas..

[Flowerfairy101]

Do you always buy it, no question, if it's in budget?
I've never got on well with my sister, she's really unpleasant to me at the best of times but the last few years she's taken to asking me what I want for Christmas then when I say, tells me she doesn't think whatever it is is worth the money (its always within our £25 budget) and to choose something else. For example I suggested a £22 top that I liked. She told me it wasn't worth it and to buy it in the sales. Another time I asked for a blanket and she said she refuses to spend that much on a blanket. This year I suggested socks thinking she can't possibly pick at that and her response was "oh god, you want more socks!" (She has no idea how many socks I have).
I find this really odd behaviour, and it kind of makes me feel small and embarrassed, like the things I like are somehow unreasonable or stupid.
If someone tells me what they want for Christmas then I just buy it no question. My DP always wants warhammer which I personally think isn't worth the extortionate price tag but it makes him happy so I buy it and don't say that to him! I kind of view a gift as something maybe indulgent that you wouldn't normally buy for yourself.

The problem I have with just saying right no more present exchanging is my sister uses everything as a measure of how much people care about her. Even if I use CoL as a reason, she will expect me to give up something to carry on funding presents, or bump someone else off my list who is 'less important' than she perceives herself to be. The other issue is that in these situations I always get painted the difficult one who always makes a fuss etc. When actually I just don't want to carry on engaging in my sisters attempts to rule over me. Its taking a lot of mental effort to stick to my view that what she's doing is unkind and this thread has been really helpful with that!

Your sister isn’t in charge, send one text saying you aren’t buying and ignore any replies about presents.
If you don’t want to do this then stop telling her what you want as you won’t get it anyway.

My DH does this too! I just call
him on it now.

”What do you want for Christmas”
”Well the last couple of years I keep telling you I want xyz or abc but you just use it as an opportunity to tell me my taste is rubbish, so how about you do your own shopping ideas this year.”

Tell your whole family that you are only doing gifts to DH and any children you may have this year.
Cost of living crisis and all that. Any spare case is going to the local food bank or whatever.
You and DH would appreciate a box of chocs or similar if people feel weird about doing nothing.

Never was there a better opportunity to call it a day on mindless and unnecessary gifting this year!! 🙏😜

So. What.

In the nicest possible way, why do you care. She's a grown up if a slightly painful one. She'll get over it.

If you really have to buy presents for each other, don't ask, just buy, wrap and give. It doesn't sound like much imagination is required for ideas on what to buy.

\this - without a doubt!

I've never got on well with my sister, she's really unpleasant to me at the best of times

This is just another way for her to pick on you and criticise you. Its happened, three Xmas in a row? Why make it a fourth.

Just say I think we should stop buying each other presents from now on as it seems so hard to find gift suggestions we both agree on. Please use the money you would have spent on me to do something nice for yourself and I will do the same - that way everyone is happy.

She won't be happy but can hardly argue. if she does, stay resolute.

Long post be warned but I have a point.

I put up with mother and siblings treating me like crap for years. I put up with it because frankly I was desperate to do anything to show them how much I love them and hopefully they would try to be nicer. They didn’t. Then when DD got a bit older she started to notice the way they treated me too. Still I kept trying to keep a relationship for DD’s sake but they kept letting her down.
My middle sister was infamous for her outbursts of screaming abuse at people for the tiniest thing when we went to my parents house. My mum never pulled her up on it and she was always there. Up until then my mum would only see DD if we came to her. And then would ignore us the whole time to chain smoke in the back room and sit on the computer. I put my foot down on her smoking around DD and yes it was her house BUT she wouldn’t see us anywhere else.
Then one day she let rip out of DD who was about 9. I told my mum that was it. I wasn’t going to subject DD to that again. We would see her anywhere but not at her home because she ignored us and sister was there 24/7 (she had her own house and terrifying 2 daughters). She told everyone I had banned her from seeing her Granddaughter.
I invited her to DD’s school plays, drama plays, sports days, tried to bend over backwards so she could see DD. Even on the occasions she promised DD she would see her/take her out etc she cancelled at the last minute. Like 30mins after she was due to arrive and I had to call her.

One day when DD was 13 she said she would really like to see Grandma. I said I would try but had to warn her that she was unreliable and she might not come. I tried so hard. An hour after she was due I called. Another feeble excuse, no apology for DD.
I asked her when was good for her to reschedule as DD was disappointed. She got very annoyed with me and said I was pressuring her. I told DD I would try my hardest to sort a time for Grandma to see her. DD took a deep breath and said. “It’s okay mum. I know she doesn’t care much about me. You don’t need to try anymore.”
My heart shattered.

Blood is not thicker than water. You can spend time and go through heartbreak trying to get people you love to care about you. Don’t. Cry for hours. Days if you need to and then let go of a relationship that was never truly there. You deserve better. All my love to you. 💕🍀

That should read that my sister did the screaming at my mums house. Although my mum did scream at me frequently on the phone and I would always stay polite.

My sister had 2 younger DD’s. They weren’t terrifying but her parenting was. I never heard her scream at them but she screamed around them constantly.

Don’t put up with any more shit. Just don’t.

she sounds like a real peach. my sister and i do lists and buy something from the list, no judgement.

@pinkksugarmouse
Hugs for you & your DD.
Some people just aren't worth fighting for. xx