Death in late 40s/50s

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

I don't quite know why I'm posting this here... or at all.

But in the past 2 years, I've had 1 acquaintance die of a drugs overdose, another friend has died last month of liver disease (alcoholic), another friend has died of cancer - quite quick and sudden though she was ill on and off for years. Another close friend has had a breast cancer scare but being treated for it. The liver disease man was telling his best friend who lives abroad that he knew he was going to die.

All the above are late 40s/early 50s.

Is this the age when this all happens?

I suppose for me, it does make you think about your mortality and it's really affected me. Doesn't help that my own dad died at 50 of a sudden heart attack, had an enlarged heart but wasn't with a doctor and had been recently divorced.

I'm early 40s and will soon be going to my 4th funeral of the year, 3 of which are family.
2 were 80s/ 90s and were reasonably anticipated.
One a school friend so same age, cancer
One a younger relative from unnatural causes.

I long for weddings for some light relief but there isn't anyone in the market for any on the horizon. I miss the joy of weddings.

Alcoholics and heavy drug users rarely make it to old age, so that's not a surprise.

Heart problems and other chronic illnesses (many smoking/lifestyle related) often appear/start to cause problems around that sort of age, once the protective effects of youth have gone. There must be some statistics about the likelihood of death at different ages, which I'm pretty sure show that the most common age to die is 70s, 80s, but of course there will still be plenty who die younger.

Yeah I know what you mean. I've had a (scant) handful of friends/acquaintances die in their 40s in the last three years. It does make you pause and reflect.

I guess some cancers start to hit in the 40s — breast cancer and cervical cancer in women, for example. Many of these are successfully treated, of course, but a few won't be.

Men taking their own lives seems to be another thing. Couples get divorced, the guy can't handle it for whatever reason, and takes his own life.

I also think that some people who partied hard in their 20s and early 30s get the bill in their 40s and 50s. I know a few people who were big caners 20 years ago who are now suffering the ill-effects. Not all of these are life-threatening, but some are. As you say, liver problems seem to start cropping up.

Pulling back to a statistical viewpoint... I also think it's a perspective thing. Statistically, you're still very unlikely to die in your 40s (compared to your 70s, 80s or 90s for example). However, it's a bit more likely than in your 20s, when you're exceptionally unlikely to die. So that slight uplift can seem significant, especially when you experience it personally i.e. with a friend or relative.

I read a post on here which called the decade from 50-60 "sniper alley" because this is a risky age where health issues tend to crop up more and more. And if you can emerge, unscathed from sniper alley, the chances are you can make it to old age.

A friend's mum told us, at a rather cheerful lunch. First wave of deaths at 40/50. Genetic cancers and lifestyle. Then you get a break until the early 70s before funerals ramp up again.

It was a curious observation but I haven't forgotten it.

I am nearly 50 and I think this is where early poor choices can catch up. I was basically a functioning alcoholic. I quit booze 14 months ago. I knew my years of getting away with it were likely to catch up. Still might I guess but I can’t turn the clock back

If it weren’t for not wanting to leave my kids with no mum I would be ok about dying just now I think. The future is bleak in this country

Get a full blood screen done. That's where I realised in my 20s my liver was already under huge pressure! 6 months off booze and liver function was perfect again - I did have age on side.

Not friends but I know of two men who drank in my local who died in the last year both mid 50s both went to the pub every evening. Might not have been alcoholics but drink certainly got them.

I have, everything was fine x still worry though sometimes

Yes. Couple of former colleagues my age died last year. At least two school friends are going through cancer treatment. Ex has just been in hospital with heart failure. Have had a couple of other acquaintances die.

In between, we celebrate our 50th birthdays this year...

i’m aware of five people (a mix of friends and acquaintances) who’ve died between the ages of 29 and 49. Two were suicides and three died of cancers. Not sure if this is unusual statistically but it’s been shocking to think that they never got to see their 50th birthdays.

I have had three friends die aged from 41 to 55 in the last 5 years. None of them had drug or alcohol issues.

Apparently 5 people I went to school with have died in the last couple of years all around 50.

I'm.early 60s and there are quite a number of my school year that are steadily dropping off. At least 3 didn't make 40. A few died I their 40s from cancer , from 50s onwards there has been a steady drip of 2 or 3 each year from strokes heart attacks etc. I agree that some of it might be down to lifestyle choices, others it's the luck of the draw unfortunately.

It does resonate when hearing of peers dying , and it's understandable to start wondering just how much time have I got left?

Yes I’ve noticed this “sniper alley” effect now I’m early 50s. Cancer, heart disease and people who have spent their lives drinking heavily or have done a lot of drugs - genes and/or lifestyle seem to come home to roost in middle age, which of course used to be old age for most of human history. I’ve known a few people get cancer, luckily most have survived. There’s one couple I know who had kids in their 40s so their kids are still young, but they have always been extreme heavy drinkers - I dread to think what their livers are like and if they’ll be ok long term.

however one friend who died of cancer in his late 40s was the healthiest, fittest person you could meet.

Thankfully not had any so far in my late 40s/early 50s. But in my mid 30s, I had 5 friends pass away, they were all between 28-33. One skin cancer (29), Two Breast Cancers (32 & 33), one Suicide (31) and one Sudden Adult Death (29).

All were young, super fit, and seemingly healthy until they weren’t. Their deaths have given me health anxiety ever since, I still don’t understand why my unhealthy ass is still here when they aren’t.

My mum was saying this the other day. I think it's 5 men and 1 woman we know all in the age 50-60 bracket who are dying of cancer. All of them was drug addicts at one point. My Aunt who partied hard died one day of a brain illness. She woke up had a fag went up for a wee and just dropped dead. She was found by her grandson. She was 44. My parents drink heavily and they don't care about stopping.

Someone on a recent thread called deaths in this age group 'snipers' alley' age. My grandparents used to say something similar.

Ah so it's Snipers Alley effect.

Agreed that 2 of the people who died did cane it a lot re drugs in their teens/20s -- however one of them, he seemed to have a good job and then fell into drug use somehow over lockdown (maybe he always did it?).

My other friends re the cancer. I suppose there are some people who either get diagnosed very late with certain cancers or like my friend with breast cancer, she's so lucky she's caught it earlier and it's treatable.

It does make me wonder why I'm only being given a mammogram now, at 51. Maybe the age should be lower?

I agree with the people who drink/smoke etc heavily - there are consequences. However, I worked with someone about 13 years ago who was 50 and she had one friend after the other get sick and die, but they weren't heavy drinkers/smokers and certainly not drug users.

The only thing they might've done is smoke/drink heavily in younger/mid years.

It makes me quite pleased that though I go out and do drink now, it's certainly not along the lines of teen/20s/30s scale!

It does make me wonder why I’m only being given a mammogram now, at 51. Maybe the age should be lower?

If there’s a suspected genetic link for breast cancer, the age is lower. Although mammograms aren’t the best method for screening younger women apparently, something about women’s breast tissue being different when you’re older.

I belong to a reunion page for my school, we meet up yearly but also for funerals, of which since it was set up there have been 16 over the years, I am 57 and this is out of 200 people!

It is telling that we have a Memoriam - Just a small place to remember those that have passed away from our year.

My best friend is on the top of the list, she sadly died at 23 in a car accident with a lorry on Christmas eve. Today another one passed of cardiac arrest, there are a few cancer deaths and 2 suicides

I was blessed with good health until July this year when I discovered I am diabetic, with non-alcoholic liver disease and high cholesterol. I have given up smoking and lost 3 stone, just hope its not too little, too late and I will still be around for my eldests wedding in 2024.

Of the two people I know who died around 40, one was an alcoholic and one was a massive drug user in his youth. I don't really understand why his drug-using mates haven't also suffered health consequences, though he was probably the worst.

I'm 40 and very overweight, and am really feeling the effect on my body whereas I think I got away with it when I was younger. My knees and back ache, I feel heavy and unfit. It's definitely getting me to the point where I know I'll have to make losing weight my entire focus for a few months and get a few stone off (cannot do it any other way, I basically wake up every morning determined to eat less and exercise more).

Mammograms don’t work well
before around the 50ish mark, breast tissue is too dense. Even after 50 they don’t always show a cancer - my mammogram was clear but an ultrasound showed the cancer.
Dh and I are mid 50s and yes we know a few people who have died or have got serious diseases.

I asked my go for a mammogram since my mum had cancer cells found in her breast and had a mastectomy.
Go told me they wouldn't want me to have mammogram any earlier due to them increasing the chance of getting cancer..

I am 57 and haven't had a mammogram yet. I was invited for one but then COVID got in the way, and I haven't rearranged it yet, I will do that now. My sister had cervical cancer in her 30s, she had a full hysterectomy and her ovaries removed and is still alive today at 59. It was caught on a regular smear test so its important to have these checks.