Death in late 40s/50s

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

I don't quite know why I'm posting this here... or at all.

But in the past 2 years, I've had 1 acquaintance die of a drugs overdose, another friend has died last month of liver disease (alcoholic), another friend has died of cancer - quite quick and sudden though she was ill on and off for years. Another close friend has had a breast cancer scare but being treated for it. The liver disease man was telling his best friend who lives abroad that he knew he was going to die.

All the above are late 40s/early 50s.

Is this the age when this all happens?

I suppose for me, it does make you think about your mortality and it's really affected me. Doesn't help that my own dad died at 50 of a sudden heart attack, had an enlarged heart but wasn't with a doctor and had been recently divorced.

I think lifestyles catch up with you in late forties and fifties. I can think of several people who have alcohol related illnesses/deaths. A couple who smoked who have died of lung cancer. Several who have type 2 diabetes due to being obese. DH and I have both had skin cancer removed because of too much sun exposure.

My friend who died of cancer suddenly, recently, she'd been ill I suppose for the past 10 years with various conditions. My friend has a learning disability, not sure what, but she was always slow at school and went to a private school and was kept behind for a year or two.

Her DM is still alive and in her 80s and not well.

DH, in his early 40s, has a genetic cancer. Would have been eligible for screening except that he didn't know, no history on his mum's side so we have to assume it's come from his dad who has never been in the picture. Things are looking promising thanks to a very new treatment which he is responding to well - but it is stage 4 and he is still facing major surgery. 100 years ago there's a fair chance something else would have got him first: cholera, typhoid, industrial accident. People are getting cancer more now because so many other causes of death have been eliminated or drastically reduced in this country.

Most of my family members have died in their 40s and 50s. Apart from one outlier who made it to 93. I’m fully expecting not to have too much longer left (I’m 40). If we are talking losing people from school/uni cohorts, my “class” lost its first member aged 9 from a brain tumour, one at 14 from epilepsy, two at 18-19 in car accidents, one around 21 in an accident abroad, two others in their twenties, one was cancer one unexplained. Few more cancers in their thirties. We’ve already lost a good 25% of the kids in the school photo.

Please do go @Hungrycaterpillarsmummy - I'm 63 and went for my delayed mammogram where they discovered a small cancer. Currently having treatment, but I felt perfectly well, and because of the position, I wouldn't have felt it for a significant time - when things might well have progressed negatively.

Infact - please - everyone - do go for your mammograms.

I know four who committed suicide at this age - all men, bar one, with good education and in good jobs.

I guess that would make sense. In youth, the body is so strong it can withstand a lot of abuse. But the cumulative effect of two decades drinking or drug use or bad diet catches up around 45-50.

Just a thought, but I wonder how many illegal/street drugs trigger cancers? When you think of the toxic crap that must be mixed into MDMA or the average line of cocaine, well, god knows. Cannabis is carcinogenic for sure. In fact, I've read that it's several times more carcinogenic than tobacco. I've never smoked it, but so far as I know people suck it deep down into their lungs. Alcohol is also carcinogenic - especially spirits.

Still, I wouldn't rule out genetics. I have a nasty feeling most deaths are just 'one of those things' - genetic timebombs that go off in middle-age, no matter what you do.

It's so sad that suicide is still so taboo in men of all ages. One of DB's friends committed suicide in his 20s, lovely man.

Roman Kemp made a good documentary on this, male depression etc I think last year.

I'm 51. This is the age it happens.
In the last 10 years, I've lost 1 friend to breast cancer; 1 to oesophageal cancer; 1 to mesophilioma; 1 being treated for pancreatic cancer; and 3 suicides - one was bipolar and had struggled for years; the other 2 appeared to "have it all". 3 colleagues (different jobs! It wasn't a single dreadful employer) have all died of conditions related to alcohol abuse.

The saddest thing I've ever seen is an 8 year old at his mother's funeral, and his father too grief stricken to comfort him. He was, and remains, my son's best friend. I tell him often how brilliant his mother way (she really was) and how proud she'd be of him; meanwhile his older sister has blossomed into to spit of her mother.

It's also the age where older relatives have started dying of old age. DM has borrowed my "funeral dress" a few times. We've joked about what will happen when we both need to go to the same funeral - one of us will need to buy a new dress in the next couple of weeks.

I think that some people can have a lot of deaths/illness among family and friends over short period of time.
I had to go to 2 funerals of people I worked with who were both younger than me. One of them was a man in his mid 20's who had a lot going for him. He took drugs one night and died as a result. Another was a lady who had underlying condition since birth. She had tried to live the best life possible despite this but then died of cancer.

I currently know another man who an ex of a friend of mine. A few years ago she advised him to lose some weight and so did his friends. He ended things shortly after that with her.
He never listened to the advice they gave him. He now is a type 2 diabetic, has sleep apnoea and high blood pressure. I think his about 50 now. I saw him recently and had to look again. He has aged a lot and gotten even bigger since I last saw him.

My friend also found out via people they both know that he has been in hospital several times over the past few years because of these health issues. My friend said he will dead within a few years if he does not lose at least 5 stone.

I think that 40/ 50 can be the age that people start to have health issues due to a poor diet, heavy drinking and drug's. Then some people get a shock after a doctor's visit. They cut down on the drinking or lose weight because they know if they don't it just a matter of time before they have major health issues.

I work in oncology outpatients and 40-50 is when we start to see lots of patients with breast and bowel cancer. There is some heredity to it but most patients don’t have any known gene mutations or family history so I assume lifestyle factors are more relevant. I’m in my thirties and being aware of what can happen has made me very conscious of reducing my alcohol and red meat intake.

Sadly yes, we are in sniper’s alley. It’s the age when the cracks start to show, and unfortunately some school friends have already succumbed. Mostly cancer, not lifestyle related. 😞 Some went earlier due to drugs. We’re losing the older generation now as well, so many deaths in the last few years. And worst of all, a dear friend who is already very unwell lost her adult son to an unexpected and sudden illness. That was desperately tragic.

I am 52, definitely noticed it. A dear friend died last week. (54)

"sniper alley" really stuck with me from the last thread.

Agree that it seems bowel, breast and pancreatic cancer.

My experience has so far been genetic, nothing to do with lifestyle.

I drink too much and worry. This is my only vice, however.

My 94 yo mum always used to say if you can get through your 50s and 60s then you should live into your 80s and 90s.

I am 51, goodness knows what the future holds for me 🤷‍♂️

Lost two people to breast cancer recently. Both 40s. Another early 60s from a cancer connected to breast cancer diagnosed in her late 40s.

The sniper thing rings true.

I’m in my 50s so I hope I survive sniper alley! I do have high cholesterol but trying to build a healthier life with exercise and better diet.

I have had a couple of friends die but they were serious alcoholics for many years, and not entirely unexpected not to live beyond their 50s. Those who cleaned up are still alive and well.
I know one other who died in a car accident, and another from a heart attack (but his father died young from a heart attack so it was always known)
Breast cancer has a high survival rate now, much better treatments, but still better to catch it early with awareness and screening.

I’m more scared of a chronic disease like diabetes or continued high cholesterol.

Agree that it seems bowel, breast and pancreatic cancer.
Bowel cancer you can do a lot about by making sure we eat fibre, less processed meat and take a FIT test regularly. Any change in bowels see the GP, it’s much more treatable in early stages.
Breast cancer as said has a high survival rate now, but any genetic risk then talk to GP and go for more regular screening.
Pancreatic cancer is much rarer, but sadly very low survival rate. Some are still treatable though.
So just a reminder that without worrying too much, get all your screening, eat fibre and take a FIT test and you are reducing your risk.

While it’s obviously good to reduce a drinking, meat eating, over-eating and sedentary lifestyle, I think we should be careful not to “blame” people for getting cancer, or to think you can avoid it by being “healthy”. Every person I know who developed cancer in their 40s and 50s was healthy with a healthy lifestyle. I know teetotal vegan marathon runners who got cancer.

Ugh yes. Lost best friend to a stroke in her mid 40s. Husband of another friend died from liver disease in his 40s. School mum and a school dad from cancer. Agree with previous poster it is all funerals now not weddings.

@Malfi Very true. I guess I was trying to give myself hope in my 50s by making up for past mistakes!