Death in late 40s/50s

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

I don't quite know why I'm posting this here... or at all.

But in the past 2 years, I've had 1 acquaintance die of a drugs overdose, another friend has died last month of liver disease (alcoholic), another friend has died of cancer - quite quick and sudden though she was ill on and off for years. Another close friend has had a breast cancer scare but being treated for it. The liver disease man was telling his best friend who lives abroad that he knew he was going to die.

All the above are late 40s/early 50s.

Is this the age when this all happens?

I suppose for me, it does make you think about your mortality and it's really affected me. Doesn't help that my own dad died at 50 of a sudden heart attack, had an enlarged heart but wasn't with a doctor and had been recently divorced.

Also I think every single one of my mum's female friends has had a cancer scare (all breast cancer).
I think we are all doomed tbh

Yeah, that'll happen if you don't look after yourself and we'll probably see/hear of more people dying younger since over half the population is now overweight. Sometimes certains cancers are just bad luck. I lost a close friend at 17 to lymphoma. A lot of the illnesses that kill in 40/50s like heart attack, liver disease, lung cancer can be avoided. People can't expect to eat what the want, smoke and drink heavily and live to 100. People know their actions have consequences. If friends dying young is giving you the fear, assess your lifestyle and make appropriate changes.

My parents are 50 so this thread is scaring me a bit :( they’re not smokers or drinkers though.

But people mostly aren't dying of small pox, TB or various other things that would have killed off earlier generations before they got cancer.

So many women I know locally are being diagnosed with cancers in their early 40s. These ladies so often leave young children behind. Maybe it was always the case, but I don't recall any of my classmates growing up without a mother. It seems sadly more common now.

I've always been fairly healthy even if a bit naughty in 20's...

But I have tried to ensure a good diet, exercise (should do more) and apart from bad PMT/S and an underactive thyroid (developed in late 30s) I don't seem to have much wrong with me...

I do think I have good genes from both parents.

Close friends, one developed type 2 diabetes recently but there's diabetes in her family anyway. Another had a stroke about 5 years ago, is obese and sort of tries to lose weight but doesn't. She said to me the other day she got into a habit of drinking at home with snacks/chocolate over lockdown which caused her to gain weight but she did lose 4 stone before/over lockdown and then put it on again. The one with diabetes was saying to me the other day the doctor has said her bloods are fine so she can't have Saxenda - she's overweight and by doctor's diagnosis obese (about a size 16?) but would love to lose weight, she's recently got menopause symptoms and started on HRT patches.

You're right there but my NDN's as children, the mother died young of some cancer, she had a lot of operations/treatments but none worked, this was in 1970s.

another friend of my DB's - both his parents died in their 30s/40s - I don't know what of, but there was literally a year or 2 in-between them both dying, and he was 10 when the first one died.

2 friends in their 20s/30s have had mother/father die of a brain haemorrhage which is very sad.

Martin Lewis has stated 1 in 29 schoolchildren loses a parent before the age of 18.

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

Please speak to your gp about your father's heart issues. If he had a heart attack at 50, you should be having your cholesterol checked. If he had cardiomyopathy (sometimes referred to as an enlarged heart), you are likely to need regular heart screening.

Yeah it's no coincidence that the people you have mentioned are overweight or drink a lot. Obviously there's some things you can't avoid, you can only do your best to be as healthy as possible. I'd say it's not worth your energy worrying about it. No point living till old age if you just spend all that worrying. 🙂

I’m 24, my best friend has just died of a heart attack at 25. It was horrific. My mum is in a nursing home already and she’s only 50 and healthy if it weren’t for her cancer.
my niece (16) has just died of pneumonia.
so many people, all healthy, being taken far far to young.

As pp have said, the standard mammogram isn't very effective in pre-menopausal women, but they are gradually bringing the age down from 50 to 47 for the first invitation. Women who have a family history of breast cancer or related illnesses are invited much earlier and given a different mammogram, not the standard one.

I am so sorry, your friend at 25 and niece at just 16 is so incredibly sad.

x

I will do re the heart screening. I have had cholesterol tests and all have been fine.

To be fair to my dad apart from 15 years off the drink, he was an alcoholic from when he could drink (guessing 18 or maybe younger?) so I'm assuming that was no good for his heart. Don't think he exercised much apart from work and walking though he did swim and was a good runner, hurdler and football player - played for Arsenal and England schoolboys and won medals for the athletics but tailed off as he got older, broke his knee I think at 15.

Yep, this is when people start to drop.
It certainly concentrated my mind when I came to decide whether to retire when I could or hang on for a couple more years!

Two people close to me died in their fifties - one was an alcoholic, sadly, and the other had undiagnosed cancer which was untreatable by the time they found it. That person was a force of nature. No one expected it. Very shocking and sad.

I'm in my late 30s. In my early 30s, 5 people my age I had either grown up with or worked with died quite suddenly from aggressive cancers and undiagnosed heart/brain issues . 2 more committed suicide. It sent me into a spiral of panic. Always thinking things like "People that age don't just die, we can't. We can't die and leave our children behind to grow up without a parent. They can't cry and not have us there to comfort them. They just can't." Every minor health issue became something to panic over in case the doctors missed a red flag and sent me home to die. Every statistic meant to calm me became a reason to obsess over being in that 0.1% because someone has to be. In the year following this, 2 of my close friends lost children to a brain haemorrhage and leukaemia. So then my panic transferred to the health of my children.

My parents are in their late 50s and they've buried a few more friends in this last decade than the one previous. My in laws are in their early 70s and they're often updating us about deaths of distant family and of their friends.

I suppose death comes when it comes, but the older you get, the more you expect to lose people. The first time you start noticing the number of losses, whether you're 20 and losing friends to overdoses or 60 and losing them to cancer and heart disease, you start to take note of your own mortality and that brings fear and unease. Before that, as much as you know you won't be, you still assume you're immortal.

Although not exclusively so, most men I've known who have died, have died before their 60th birthday, most were builders, or doing heavy manual work - roads etc. Hardly anyone in my circle, some women included, have not reached state pension age.

It's quite common, l know of a good few including my husband who died in his forties. The biggest mistake we make is thinking people only die when old. It certainly changes your perspective on life.

This might be reassuring www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/healthandsocialcare/healthandlifeexpectancies/articles/lifeexpectancycalculator/2019-06-07 All else being equal, they are more likely to live till their 90s than die in their 50s.

I'm 49 and can easily count 10 or so people I knew personally of my age who have died in the last few years. 2 women, both cancer. The others were all men, and mostly drink or drugs or suicide, and one heart attack. If I go back another decade i could most likely add another 10 people, mostly men and again mostly addiction or suicide. Its so sad.

DH is 8 years younger than me and knows hardly anyone of his age thats died. I come from quite a deprived area where addiction problems arent uncommon and also still in touch with a lot of school friends whereas he isn't so I guess I would hear about it more than him too.

I had a couple of friends die in their early 40s... of pancreatic cancer and brain tumour, a teenage daughter of a friend committed suicide as did the (mid forties) father of one of my daughter's friends.

On the other hand I have MIL 90... type 2 diabetes, COPD, heart failure, diverticulitis, vascular dementia, alzheimers....etc... still going strong.

Everyone goes eventually, some get more time than others.

I don't know many people who've died young, in contrast to a lot of people on this thread. My FIL died age 71, despite being a lifelong alcoholic and heavy smoker with heart failure and COPD. My grandad died age 86 of cancer. My DP just lost a few family members, but they were all 80s/90s. My uncle died two years ago age 62, but that was in an accident.

Some people do die young unfortunately, but most people don't. My grandma is 91 years old and still going strong. She smoked for a large chunk of her life. I also have a great aunt who is 101! Just to cheer the thread up a little bit ☺️

I know lots who either have died or had serious health scares at this age. For the vast majority, they were in previous very good health -not drinkers, overweight, or under exercised. There was no slow decline; their lives turned in one moment- heart attack, brain haemorrhage, cancer (x several). Their own parents were alive and well in their 80s.