Anyone know a brilliant mum?

[antelopevalley]

I do, not me, I am average.
She isn't the type that looks polished and has a beautiful house. She looks ordinary. But the way she interacts with her kids is amazing. She seems brilliant at anticipating any possible issues and heading them off with fun games. She talks in a way that really engages kids.

And it isn't that she had a compliant child. She is brilliant with friends' and acquaintances' kids. She gets them to play games in such a way that they don't cause problems for other people but makes the kids really happy. She is also brilliant at getting kids to tidy up their mess.

Honestly, I am blown away by her skills. I haven't ever seen anything like it.

I know a brilliant mum but by some different measures to the one you know OP. She's not polished in appearance (but looks perfectly nice) and her house is what I'd consider normal for a busy family home but she is a brilliant mum because of the way she handles her DC. I aspire to be more like her as she deals with difficult things like school issues in a calm yet assertive manner. I'd be overwhelmed by the crap she deals with from school but she just gets on with it and deals with everything in such a constructive way. She's also a truly likeable person and her kids are thoroughly likeable too which is another indication that her parenting is probably pretty good the majority of the time.

I'm not a brilliant mum and I'm acutely aware of my weaknesses but I am trying pretty hard to be a good mum. Some bits I get right and some bits I get very wrong.

I never said anything of the sort.

I work with families and they all bring something different to their children. There's one who stands out as her children are just so kind and clearly love each other and her. When she leaves them she crouches down at their level, kisses them and says 'have a beautiful day'. Every time. It's just a snippet but it's not contrived at all, it warms my heart.
There's are a million ways to be a brilliant Mum but mostly you won't see it. Some people have saved their children from trauma, others are just consistently fair or practical.
Me, I'm great with little kids but really struggle with teens.

Yes I know lots of amazing mums, I'm in a really supportive SEN group and they blow me away

Is an amazing Mum who you aspire to be really someone who has a perfectly grey house, with colour co-ordinated toys & grey children with no character.
Or should the mums who we aspire to be like have kids rooms decorated how kids actually want them decorated, toys that make noise and are colourful a house that is clean but not always tidy, kids that aren't afraid to get dirty and who also have a bit of sass to them? I know which one I'd rather be 😁

Yes, my daughter in law. She always has the children's best interests at heart.
She's kind, patient, supportive and selfless. She can give them a telling off if they misbehave, but make everything alright with a cuddle.
The children adore her. ( As do I )

Do you tell her.. like, exactly as you've explained on here? I'm sure she would be extremely grateful to hear it.. Some parents are doing an amazing job and yet still feel inadequate.

This is such a lovely post!! I love how much you're praising another person.. we all need more of this! Go you!!

My mum was fantastic. She was always there for us whenever we needed her, despite having to do everything, and pay all the bills, after my dad left. Her life centred around us but she welcomed everyone in. When we were teenagers all our friends used to come round to offload to her. She always had time for everybody. After she died her friends all described her as their best friend.

My sister in law is also amazing. Her kids have been through some really tough times but she is always there for them, fighting their corner, and they are so much better for having her support. I do tell her she’s great 😊

@Notwiththebullshizz Is your post to me?
If so, then yes 😊

Och, I look like a brilliant mum every ten minutes or so. When I’m ‘on’ and everything’s flowing I’ve seen mums look at me and be sort of wistful. And they keep asking me for advise.

I tell you what it is actually, I think women spend most of their time tearing themselves down and demanding that they can do everything for their kids. I don’t. I’m looking for a village. Shove your kid at me when they need someone who can talk to their kids about teenage angst. Let mine come to you when they can’t organise their schoolwork and can’t keep up with homework. And look other mothers in the eye and point out when they do something great. Anytime I have done that at a school run or a party there’s this series of different expressions that go across their face. Complete shock, doubt that I am right; slight feeling of calm of happiness creeping in, quick squashing of the feeling because God forbid motherhood is anything other than constant worry about how we are doing.
I’ve said this to so many women and it’s obvious to me they never had anyone validate anything.

OP, tell her that. And then sit down for half an hour and find something you did that would look like that to someone else. Then validate yourself