Anyone know a brilliant mum?

[antelopevalley]

I do, not me, I am average.
She isn't the type that looks polished and has a beautiful house. She looks ordinary. But the way she interacts with her kids is amazing. She seems brilliant at anticipating any possible issues and heading them off with fun games. She talks in a way that really engages kids.

And it isn't that she had a compliant child. She is brilliant with friends' and acquaintances' kids. She gets them to play games in such a way that they don't cause problems for other people but makes the kids really happy. She is also brilliant at getting kids to tidy up their mess.

Honestly, I am blown away by her skills. I haven't ever seen anything like it.

@HighlandPony

Shambles and OhPee, I disagree. that's not my definition of a good mum. Any woman who has had kids with someone abusive doesn't have the right self worth and probably shouldn't have had kids with that person. How is this good. Young girls need to be taught to look for good partners.

Plus if you think you can hide PTSD the truth is normally you can't and her children probably do you see the sadness behind her eyes and I don't think this is a good mother at all.

I think presenting this as a good mother is very poor.

How very dare you.

Rab C was quite endearing (in his own way).

You sound proud of your nastiness, perhaps there’s a reason for the strange reaction you’ve had to this post.

Children love games and playing, most people understand that very basic fact.

Your picture perfect view of life doesn’t work and you are superficial and judgemental. Your opinion on other women speaks volumes about you and I’d hazard a guess that you’re not a happy well adjusted person yourself.

*She gets them to play games”

nope sorry. She’s boring as shit. If her kids are teenagers then she’s basically put targets on their backs. I’d have bullied her kids at school.

Wow jealous much!

Kids absolutely love playing games!

If yours don’t like playing games with you, it doesn’t meant they don’t like games. I can guarantee that they like games.

I’d be having a little think about why your kids don’t like playing games with you.

Hey OP, I agree she sounds great!

Ignore @HighlandPony, her mum clearly did an awful job raising her (or highland pony was just a brat her whole childhood too in which case I hope she feels some guilt towards her mum for what she has put her through) and she is setting a terrible example to her own children although I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't actually have any which would probably be a good thing...

Some people just get children. And not just their own children, other people's children too.

Most parents understand their own children and tolerate other people's. But I know one mum who seems genuinely interested in all children. She can put them at their ease and build up a relationship with them very, very quickly, even if she has never met them before. She's great at sorting out playdate squabbles and arguments in a way which keeps all the children happy, and she knows exactly what sort of silliness young kids like - pretending to be a crocodile and snapping at their legs, for example. And rather than ask them how school went, for example, she says stuff like 'I bet you flew to the moon today, didn't you?' which the children find hilarious and she gets a much better response than just saying 'What did you do today?' The kids all love her and they'll go up to her independently for a chat even if her DS isn't there to play with. Her DS is a handful in some ways (suspected ADHD) but very, very kind and thoughtful with his friends.

I agree ☺️ so many amazing mums in such different scenarios. I can honestly say that my four friends with children are all amazing mums, and they're all so very different!

Most mums are good. I don't think any mother is perfect. Everyone has their positive points and areas that are lacking. I always judge people on a surface level with a pinch of salt.

@Oblomov22 It is more than possible to not make your children aware of mental health issues. I have PTSD as a result of childhood abuse and finding my family dead as an adult, my son is unaware of any of this because I am capable of not making him struggle with me 🤨

@Tillsforthrills

Nope. Sorry. My mum is fab. And I was bought up in a loving home. Sorry about that! 🙄And yes I have problems, who doesn't?

I have views on mums who have children with abusive idiots. I don't think my views on that are particularly extreme.

But your post makes assumptions.
what problems do you think I have? Specifically?
which of my views do you oppose the most?

@Clevererthanyou
eh? I don't understand. Which bits of my post are you objecting to?

Err. I never claimed to be a brilliant mum myself. I'm not.
I can recognise good mums, in others. Few are brilliant though.

My mum is better than most, better than anyone else I know! My 3 closest friends, after years of knowing me and all my failings, have actually met my mum and think she's amazing.

Sorry if that grates. Can I repeat, I'm not that fab myself. I'm just about ok, as a mum myself.

But I did post that one poster who presented a friend as fab, I didn't. I don't see that as a crime. I didn't say anything particularly extreme! I don't think that fellow women who chose an a husband when he's actually abusive, should be something that we encourage our dd's (not that I have one admittedly, I only have 2 x ds's) should be something we encourage.

We should be encouraging our dd's to have good enough self esteem to not choose such men.

No matter how you phrase it, we all know that's basically true.

@Clevererthanyou all secondary schools now talk about MH as part of PSHE, as they should. MH should be talked about.

I never said it shouldn't ! MH is a big problem. For girls, worse for boys. The rate of commuting suicide in young men is bad. That's why such programmes as Roman Kemp boys talking about how they are, so suicide rates reduce is so important.

I know two who stand out - my ex SIL was amazing, kids love her, all kids, and now she's an amazing grandma. I had an old school friend that was also a joy to watch with her dc. Both had incredibly hands on and supportive, gentle, DHs though and I do think it makes life easier.

Yes, a mum of one of my children's friends. She's just so calm and together, really understated and I would never have noticed if I hadn't been in her close company. There are plenty of shiny glam mums at the school, but she's not one of them. Dresses in jeans and a jumper and drives a scooby doo van, but her calm is magical, and effects everyone around her positively like being wrapped up in a big blanket.

I know quite a few marvellous mums but only one marvellous dad, which is sad though

That sounds like my friend. I have watched her sort out squabbles. She is a mixture of calm, gentle and an air of control. Kids become calmer around her.

I think most mothers are good mothers and I am a big fan of good enough. But I think mothers who are brilliant with their own kids and other kids are rare.
I don't see it as a putdown of me or others, she is just brilliant at this.

Well yes, but getting out of the relationship and showing the kids that you do not stand for that type of treatment and it’s not acceptable is also a good lesson?

When I got with/had DD with my ex, I moved straight from an abusive childhood into an abusive relationship. As soon as I actually had some therapy and realised all of it was deeply wrong, I left. DD was a toddler. I talked to DD as she got older in age appropriate terms about why I wasn’t in contact with my family; about how I had learned some very wrong lessons from them and wanted to learn better ones. About how I hoped she would learn better ones. About what love looks like, and how you recognise it; about how we treat people when we love them, and how we should expect to be treated.

It is important to model healthy relationships to your children in order to stop the cycle continuing. It’s hard to do that if you were already part of that cycle, from your childhood. And once you’ve realised- that’s the moment to explicitly teach your children. That’s all you can do.

Such a shame that a really lovely thread got highjacked by an absolute weapon.
I loved the concept behind this thread and agree it's about being present for kids, advocating for them when necessary, having fun. And ignoring all the bullies. Im practically middle aged and i love having a kick about with the outside. Games are fun!

I wish I could be more like this she sounds great OP. What kind of games does she play with her kids? Always looking for new things to try!

I have a friend from a baby group when my Dc was small that was like this. She’s got 6 kids. She is successful in every way. House herself and kids always polished. She’s a really nice person too. But she has a sad story, multiple baby loss, nc with her parents due to being abused, teen pregnancy. I think she’s 40 now but looks 30.

Thanks @Wavescrashingonthebeach It was partly a fangirl thread to her mothering.
I think I am an okay mum. But I have learned some things from watching my friend.