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Original poster

Has anyone cured themselves of chronic procrastination/avoidance?

55 replies

Appalonia · 19/10/2022 18:07

For me I feel like it's just got worse. My procrastination and avoidance of issues gets so bad that I create huge issues in my life that could have been avoided if I'd tackled a difficult situation at the start. But because I feel like I can't cope with it, I keep on putting it off until it's so so bad that I have to finally deal with it. I hate myself for being like this and promise to myself I will change, but seem unable to do so.

I was the youngest child and was frequently told I was useless, clueless, stupid etc and feel like these messages have been so subconsciously ingrained in me that I doubt my own ability to deal with stuff and I get huge anxiety trying to deal with things that most people would just think of as normal everyday stuff. Can anyone relate, and found a way to overcome this, please?

OP posts:

Eunoia · 19/10/2022 18:20

I don't have any answers for you sadly, but bumping for you!

Also, is it possible that you could have adult ADHD?

Original poster

Appalonia · 19/10/2022 19:06

Thanks for your reply. How would you know if you have adult ADHD?

OP posts:

Somethingsnappy · 19/10/2022 20:19

Following, because I'm like this op. Looking forward to the replies.

IntentionalError · 19/10/2022 20:22

I will reply when I get round to it, OP.

bellac11 · 19/10/2022 20:22

Im not sure....

travailtotravel · 19/10/2022 20:23

I've become significantly better since starting HRT. Depends on your age if this could be a factor.

Icantthinkwhat · 19/10/2022 20:28

I am like this. When my son (now 25) had a questionnaire sent home from school looking at the possibility he had adhd/add I answered the questions for him and also for myself.... was diagnosed with ADD at the Maudsley , Kings college hospital in 2006.

It's both an ability and and a DISability... I could hyper-focus .. to the extent of missing all child related appointments....

itwasntmetho · 19/10/2022 20:30

I'm doing that....... tomorrow.

Manamala · 19/10/2022 20:31

Highly reccommend schema therapy!

declutteringmymind · 19/10/2022 20:34

I'm this person. I need strict routines and lots of rewards. Prefer doing tasks on a team so that there's accountability and support. Automate as much as you can.

MamaDuckling · 19/10/2022 20:41

I’m so similar OP. I am tentatively wondering whether to try to get an ADHD diagnosis but not sure what it would actually change other than a better awareness of myself and limitations?

I have been driving around with a boot full of clothing for the charity shop now for weeks. It now stares at me, and I have put it off to the point where we now actually need the boot space and I have a deadline, otherwise it simply won’t get done.

I had to go pick up a new charger for my laptop from an electrical shop today because I had lost mine in the office yesterday. So I made a mental note to take laptop with me to check the new one would work. Did I remember it, of course not. Cue a wasted trip, wasted money… this is the story of my life.

I will wait patiently with you until someone with intel comes along….

Doublevodka · 19/10/2022 20:43

My daughter is exactly like this and she has ADHD. I try to help her as much as I can but she’s 18 and thinks she knows best so will often ask me to keep out of her life admin stuff. I’m hoping that changes a bit as she matures, as she really needs me to help sometimes! She is on methylphenidate so that does help a bit.

Eeksteek · 19/10/2022 21:12

Wish I knew. I’m going to pursue an ADHD diagnosis next year. DD ticks lots of the boxes, but is bright enough and ‘no trouble’ at school, so it’s ignored. I’m just classic inattentive. Was OK till I had DD (also bright enough, liked school and had time to put the extra work in pre-kids) but either pregnancy or no kid-free time shot down all my coping mechanisms. Menopause is making it worse and post-covid fatigue has meant I’m almost non-functioning nowadays. I can just about feed us and keep house. Anything else is a bonus.

When I think of what I used to get through, it seems fantastic. And now I can’t even stay awake all day. I’m in a horrible hole (which would probably not be quite as bad if I was more on top of things) and I’m not at all confident I’m going to be able to climb out.

PrioritiseCalm · 19/10/2022 21:20

Hmm lots of this sounds like menopause to me.

Original poster

Appalonia · 19/10/2022 21:47

Thanks for the replies all. I wish I could get a diagnosis rather than feeling like I'm lazy and useless.

OP posts:

Original poster

Appalonia · 19/10/2022 21:49

Or not even a diagnosis, which feels like a copout , but just some motivation or some useful strategies...

OP posts:

Original poster

Appalonia · 19/10/2022 21:51

travailtotravel · 19/10/2022 20:23

I've become significantly better since starting HRT. Depends on your age if this could be a factor.

I'd love to know how this helped you as I have gone through the menopause a few years ago?

OP posts:

Whataretheodds · 19/10/2022 21:53

One of the tactics I'm trying is to identify what the emotion is I'm feeling when i put off a task/what sensation I'm trying to avoid (often it's the discomfort of finding something hard, or sharing an early rough draft, or making a decision).

Also

just doing 15 minutes
resolving to do a shit first draft

travailtotravel · 19/10/2022 21:59

@Appalonia for me a lot of procrastination was actually brain fog and anxiety that was made worse during peri. Right hormone balance has sorted me out to be able to be productive and have the motivation to organise.

Something else I do if I'm having trouble is 'pomodoro' - work in 45 min bursts then have a break.

I also uninstalled lots of bookmarked websites that were distracting me. Twitter, I'm looking at you.

Middledazedted · 19/10/2022 22:02

Yes. I mean I am here when also working but I have about three hours to do so can still make bed for 1am. I am known for being productive but actually I just leave things to the last minute then get stuck in. I can’t drop the balls too far now. Unwell husband and needy kids, need for work to be credible and for justify promotions. I make myself sit down, make lists and don’t go to bed until it’s done. I still have the odd 4am night time but mainly done in time.

KnittingAuntie · 19/10/2022 22:03

Hiya, OP . . . I am very much like this with housework. I absolutely hate doing it and put it off for ever and ever! The thing that has worked best for me is inviting friends and family to my home regularly. . . this gives me an incentive to clean and tidy and a timeline to work to. Things went back to square one during lockdown though!
Another thing that might help is to do with perfection. . . . my parents kept their house pristine at all times and I have gradually come to realize that I don't have to have the same standards . . . e.g. dusting once a week works fine for me whereas my DM would have done it every day.
Hope that some of the advice you're receiving will help

Mariellama · 19/10/2022 22:12

Honestly, I used to be quite unproductive and lazy...until...I had children 😅. Having children forced me to use my limited freetime more effectively. Looking after young children forced me to be more mindful, more present and spend a lot less time loitering on my phone. I suppose it's routine, which means that when my children are asleep for the night I can happily spend time on my phone or watch TV without feeling guilty.

Original poster

Appalonia · 19/10/2022 22:12

Ha it's funny, I live alone and I'm in a book club which I host once a month at mine. It's great for motivating me to do housewo rk! I'm on my own most of the time which doesn't help with doing tasks as it's just me.

OP posts:

Puppypower83 · 19/10/2022 22:24

Feel exactly the same…..

Busygoingblah · 19/10/2022 22:29

An adhd diagnosis was also the answer for me.

ADHD may be life long but it’s also highly treatable though medications, life style changes and strategies. It also means I have access to communities of other women with adhd online who have the same issues and therefore can recommend strategies that work for my brain. For me increasing exercise has also helped hugely, it’s all about building routine and dopamine rich activities into my week and suddenly everything else just comes a bit easier.

I spent my whole life thinking I was lazy but I’m not I’m just neurodiverse. One of the parts of your post that really resonated with me is the bit about childhood criticism leading to anxiety around completing tasks as an adult. This seems to be a universal experience for late diagnosis women with adhd.

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