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Original poster

Lasting power of Attorney.....if you're going to get one

87 replies

Relocatiorelocation · 19/10/2022 07:47

Then please get both.

It is absolutely heartbreaking to see people trotting in who have given enough thought to their parents money to get an LPA for finance, but didn't care enough to get one for welfare. These people then expect to just be able to make decisions by reason of being next of kin.

In the last few months alone I've dealt with:

We're retiring to the coast, so Mum will have to change care homes and come with us

We'd like to bring Mum home for Christmas but the care home don't think it's a good idea

We'd like Mum to stay in bed as she's getting older and frailer, rather than being hoisted out of bed daily

We'd like Dad to be discouraged from sitting by that woman and calling her his wife, she's not his wife, our Mum has died

We'd like Mum to not attend the in house church services as she wasn't a church goer pre dementia.

All of these requests have been turned down as the family didn't have the LPA, and there was no advance directive. It causes upset and really strains relationships. It would have been an extra 30 minutes of admin to apply for dual LPA, so please do consider it.

OP posts:
WarblingEttie · 19/10/2022 07:51

It is absolutely heartbreaking to see people trotting in who have given enough thought to their parents money to get an LPA for finance, but didn't care enough to get one for welfare

What makes you say they didn't care enough? Some of your examples suggest that they do care.

Or maybe I'm missing something ...

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 19/10/2022 07:53

Those are some very specific wants op.

Im not sure that LPO allows people to dictate those kinds of personal demands on behalf of a relative.
Ive certainly never had a situation where someone has demanded a family member be moved from a seat next to someone citing LPO. Or insisting that they are left in bed. To be left in bed is surely a clinically based decision and not a preference from a family member.

Am I misunderstanding the LPO meaning?

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 19/10/2022 07:55

Surely the church thing, seating thing is a matter of good communication and personal care planning between you and the home?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dementia & alzheimer's
sandytooth · 19/10/2022 07:56

It is absolutely heartbreaking to see people trotting in who have given enough thought to their parents money to get an LPA for finance, but didn't care enough to get one for welfareb
It up to the person setting up the power of attorney though - while they have capacity. Yes the POA could say what about the health and welfare one? But the person giving th POA is the one filling in the form.

On top of this as you said people assume they are next of kin so can make their decisions. They may not realise they can't so its not about caring.

Instead it's about lack of knowledge

meateatingveggie · 19/10/2022 07:56

A LPA does NOT give you permission to make such decisions. You need done training Op

This is why I dread being in a care home.

meateatingveggie · 19/10/2022 07:57

Some

saraclara · 19/10/2022 07:57

My SIL didn't have LPA for my MIL, but was absolutely able to make requests along the lines of some of those, of MILs dementia care home.

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 07:58

We have been told we don't need one for welfare just finances.

sorrynotathome · 19/10/2022 07:59

Health & Welfare LPA can only be used when the person lacks capacity to make decisions for themselves.

Still worth thinking about and talking about with your loved ones.

FiveShelties · 19/10/2022 07:59

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 07:58

We have been told we don't need one for welfare just finances.

You definitely need one for welfare, otherwise the hospital/care home will make all decisions for your relative.

saraclara · 19/10/2022 08:01

saraclara · 19/10/2022 07:57

My SIL didn't have LPA for my MIL, but was absolutely able to make requests along the lines of some of those, of MILs dementia care home.

...But I would still recommend people take out both LPAs.

It odd that OP is blaming the relatives though. It's the person themselves who decides to take out an LPA while they're fit and well, not their relatives. I have both in place because I took them out, not my kids.

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 19/10/2022 08:03

Any care home worth its salt, regardless of legal paperwork will take time to “find out about me” and will take on, respect and adhere to what the person does or doesn’t like or believe in as an an individual.
Things like being taken to a church service when never being a church goer is absolutely vital information. That just should not happen. It’s a violation.

Autumntime2022 · 19/10/2022 08:05

LPA should be thought of along the same line as wills and be arranged by everyone.

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 19/10/2022 08:06

It’s not necessarily a case of medics making all of the decisions for the person, as a daughter I would be pushing to the front to be involved with any decisions if my mother lacked capacity.

I think that actually it’s part of the caring ethos for the patient and close family to make joint decisions with medics.

sandytooth · 19/10/2022 08:12

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 07:58

We have been told we don't need one for welfare just finances.

You do if you want your POA to be able to make decisions re machines and end of life care. Otherwise the medics do it.

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 08:13

FiveShelties · 19/10/2022 07:59

You definitely need one for welfare, otherwise the hospital/care home will make all decisions for your relative.

Show quote history

He's in a care home and his next of kin make all the decisions, we haven't had a problem and when we applied to the court the welfare one was declined as we told we didn't need it.

SoupDragon · 19/10/2022 08:15

I agree that you should get the health & Welfare one too. It was one of the first things the hospital asked when my mum was admitted to hospital.

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 08:16

sandytooth · 19/10/2022 08:12

You do if you want your POA to be able to make decisions re machines and end of life care. Otherwise the medics do it.

Show quote history

He was on life support before going into the care home and his next of kin was involved in decision making .

FiveShelties · 19/10/2022 08:17

ColinRobinsonsfamiliar · 19/10/2022 08:06

It’s not necessarily a case of medics making all of the decisions for the person, as a daughter I would be pushing to the front to be involved with any decisions if my mother lacked capacity.

I think that actually it’s part of the caring ethos for the patient and close family to make joint decisions with medics.

You are right in theory it should be part of the caring ethos, but it honestly does not always work like that and the POA gives you the power to be able to do your best for your relative.

When my Dad had dementia some of the decisions that the hospital tried to impose were just dreadful and I would not have had any say without the POA.

I would advise everyone to have both POA and sooner rather than later.

Cantbebotheredwithchores · 19/10/2022 08:17

@Vapeyvapevape that is exactly what my parents were told. I don't know why.

SoupDragon · 19/10/2022 08:17

when we applied to the court the welfare one was declined as we told we didn't need it.

when you say "applied to the court" is that because he did not have the capacity to sign a standard LPA?

FiveShelties · 19/10/2022 08:18

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 08:13

He's in a care home and his next of kin make all the decisions, we haven't had a problem and when we applied to the court the welfare one was declined as we told we didn't need it.

Show quote history

That is excellent and I hope it carries on like that. We had a very different experience.

sandytooth · 19/10/2022 08:19

FiveShelties · 19/10/2022 08:17

You are right in theory it should be part of the caring ethos, but it honestly does not always work like that and the POA gives you the power to be able to do your best for your relative.

When my Dad had dementia some of the decisions that the hospital tried to impose were just dreadful and I would not have had any say without the POA.

I would advise everyone to have both POA and sooner rather than later.

Show quote history

Yes sometimes you need that extra bit of legal power

Woolandwonder · 19/10/2022 08:20

Im currently starting the process of sorting out LPA for both parents and a sibling with LDs. Im doing both parts for them all but it's expensive. It's not surprising more people don't do it.

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 08:21

SoupDragon · 19/10/2022 08:17

when we applied to the court the welfare one was declined as we told we didn't need it.

when you say "applied to the court" is that because he did not have the capacity to sign a standard LPA?

Yes , we applied for both but the welfare was turned down , we were told by our solicitor that this is quite common .

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