Lasting power of Attorney.....if you're going to get one

[Relocatiorelocation]

Then please get both.

It is absolutely heartbreaking to see people trotting in who have given enough thought to their parents money to get an LPA for finance, but didn't care enough to get one for welfare. These people then expect to just be able to make decisions by reason of being next of kin.

In the last few months alone I've dealt with:

We're retiring to the coast, so Mum will have to change care homes and come with us

We'd like to bring Mum home for Christmas but the care home don't think it's a good idea

We'd like Mum to stay in bed as she's getting older and frailer, rather than being hoisted out of bed daily

We'd like Dad to be discouraged from sitting by that woman and calling her his wife, she's not his wife, our Mum has died

We'd like Mum to not attend the in house church services as she wasn't a church goer pre dementia.

All of these requests have been turned down as the family didn't have the LPA, and there was no advance directive. It causes upset and really strains relationships. It would have been an extra 30 minutes of admin to apply for dual LPA, so please do consider it.

I don't know where to start with doing an Advanced Directive, so be pleased to hear if you have any advice there.

Sis and I were going to do our LPAs for each other, direct via govt website.

Nope @C8H10N4O2 he paid separately for a new will £185. He's 80 and has an old fashioned attitudes about questioning authority and doing things online. I didn't know he was doing a POA they suggested it when he redid his will. Admittedly I didn't know the cost or ease of the online ones so I do think this thread is helpful if it can avoid someone else being fleeced out of money they don't need to spend!

It doesn't make sense to get one without the other. If they can't make decisions about money, they're going to struggle with medical issues too. If they never struggle, or are competent to make decisions themselves, then the LPA doesn't come into force anyway so wouldn't be used.

That's not the case though

mum can't cope with financial paperwork but knows what meds she wants to take etc.

It makes perfect sense if you don't want your children having to make difficult decisions around your healthcare and would prefer that decision to be made in a different way or by a medical team.

There is no need, as op has done, to insinuate that families only care about the money, or that the elderly are too stupid to make their own decisions around their future care. If they choose not to do a lpa for health/welfare, then that's their choice.

I do agree with other posters who mention cost as a barrier as well. It may be that the adult making the lpa (again ... it's not the family) doesn't want to pay for both or can't afford it

It’s odd because when dad set his up, the advice we got was to do both because people overwhelming do care but not financial and it’s often too late once they realise they should have done it.

We also had POA for my grandad and the home would not have stopped him sitting near someone he got on with because one of my aunts said so. One of my aunts did make bat shit requests, such as that and all were shut down

@Relocatiorelocation how come you are ignoring people pointed out the problems with your op?

At this minute. But age makes everything a constant changing situation. Particularly if she gets poorly, and is too befuddled to make a decision. I hope that she never gets like that and is always making thought out decisions and whilst that is the case, the welfare PoA won't kick in. But if you have it, you know that you will be listened to when you speak on her behalf.

My mum couldn't cope with or understand many financial matters after my dad died. She could just do basic banking and liked to discuss her investments. Slowly she lost that ability, but could still make health decisions and we always talked things through and listened to her. But now we're past that too. Both really are vital to have just in case.

@Ekátn I'm not aiming to ignore anyone, but I'm really not looking for a quarrel with anyone. I speak from a selection bias admittedly as I work with contentious issues in care settings, and do lots of complaints management.
My aim is genuinely to get people having discussions with their loved ones and to make people aware that there are 2 types of LPA and with health and welfare is actually more far reaching than people may think.

Really?

Even though you wrote down this

It is absolutely heartbreaking to see people trotting in who have given enough thought to their parents money to get an LPA for finance,

But you just wanted to make people aware?

Even though it’s extremely common for someone to do this for themselves? So it was their choice.

Even though, it could be that the family were just ill informed.

You decided that people you deal with just have only cared about the money?

and based on the selection bias, of your experience assume that people who have financial POA must have only cared about money?

When Dad sorted his own, he was going to go for financial only. For his own reasons. But changes his mind, for his own reasons. It wasn’t for me to force one or the other and certainly don’t give a shit about his money.

Trying inform people, doesn’t need to include you judging.

AND from some of the examples you gave, you don’t actually fully understand yourself.

Not POA, LPA.

I'm shocked at 800 for LPA when the same firm charged 185 for a will (which doesn't seem that unusual for advice, documenting, lodging and general fees etc).

Honestly I would still say get legal or at least independent advice when setting one up (ditto wills) but that doesn't normally cost so much for a local solicitor to give some advice then draw it up - I guess "get a quote first" is the answer but agree that many of the 80s/90s generation do defer a bit too much to authority.

I only have the financial LPA for my mother who is in a care home with dementia, but they are still happy to defer to me on all decisions regarding her health and well-being (vaccine consent etc), whilst her GP has listened and recorded my wishes re: DNR.