Spiteful bastard washing machine

[Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight]

I put my washing machine on late last night as the weather forecast was good for today and I wanted to dry stuff on the line outside.

While waiting for my tea to brew first thing this morning I went outside (dressing gown and back door shoes, not really awake yet) to put up the line and then went to get the washing out of the machine.

Bastard thing disgorged water all over the floor when I opened the door.

I slammed the door shut, mopped up the water (all before first cup of tea of the morning, I’m British so this clearly shows you the full horror of this happening at this time).

With some trepidation I set the washing machine to drain. Oh yes, it said, no problem!

I then tried spin, still working fine.

No power cut (my poncy ovens go to factory settings if the power is off for a nano second and they were fine. Unless they are in league with the washing machine of course).

My only conclusion is that my washing machine is a spiteful bastard. Anyone else got spiteful appliances?

My washing machine says end when it's finished which is fine but if I don't leap LEAP into action to empty it the display changes to 56Y like its telling me im taking 56 years to get to it its been five minutes!

It also freaks out if the water pressure is low I live in an area with chronic low water pressure....

Anyone else hate the fact that once dishwashers have finished the cycle they beep at you until you attend to them.

Like a baby or needy partner

These are all so funny and so true!

It does that when the load has become unbalanced and it worries about spinning. However that does not answer how it magically manages to spin after you manually set it to drain. Couldn't it just automatically drain in that situation?

If your TD sensor is not working, try cleaning it, it's normally at the top of the door (or location will be in manual). I have a sensor one too though and I find I have to set it to "extra + cupboard dry" otherwise it seems to think I want damp washing. I tried putting in a dry towel like MNers suggested but it made no difference at all.

Check whether you're accidentally putting a plate or something blocking the tablet door from pinging open

My jaunty little fucker sings to me when he has finished. What? Do you want a fucking medal for doing your job? Stop with the irritating tunes ffs

Anyone else hate the fact that once dishwashers have finished the cycle they beep at you until you attend to them.

Like a baby or needy partner.

Ha ha. My washing machine beeping gets right on my tits.

@MistyRock mine is the same. We now put it on an empty quick wash. We call it the clean wash.

Mine is a temperamental washer dryer. Always says 1 minute left so I stand there like a loon for 10 mins waiting for it to finish. Usually when I'm about to go to bed and need a wee but im too stubborn to go wee and come back down.

Also the drying cycle on setting 12 (drying cotton) doesn't work anymore. Gives an error message and cuts off. But that's the setting it will dry on if you set it to automatically dry straight after a wash. So I now have to wait for it to finish washing, then put it on setting 13 (drying synthetics) for drying.

And it takes forever to dry something, but doesn't like drying in 1 go or it gets to warm and shuts off. So I have to split the drying time in half and give it a break for 15 mins before drying again. Takes 4 hours to dry towels for 2 adults and a child. It's as bad as my husband who also needs a 5 min rest ("just havin' a rest") before starting/continuing a job (turns into 30 mins on his phone).

Forgot to add it takes 3 hours to wash towels and 4 hours with a break to dry. Good thing I wfh so I can keep putting it on the next setting.

My tumble dryer is just dreadful. What's the point of having a tumble dryer that doesn't even dry the clothes. It seems to think that damp clothing is dry. I don't. It usually needs running twice to get everything dry I.e. ready to put away dry.

My dishwasher keeps on going out of spite. It's got a fault on it so if it's switched on and you go to run a cycle it won't start. So you have to switch it off, switch it on and then start the cycle. It also only seems to wash things properly on an intense pots cycle as well. Any other cycle leaves bits of dried on food all over everything.

Our toaster is a fucker. It pops up, bread still white. I put the bloody thing down again, and it doesn't pop up. Sometimes it pops up and the thing that was once the bread is now a black, cremated piece of cardboard.

My printer after 10 years of quietly working started to tell me its ink overflow container is full. Except it does not have one. I have to get up and press a button to let it know all is fine.

What is it about washing machine minutes? I'm going out in an hour, put on a 53min wash. Sorted. Oh no.
59 minutes later as I'm trying to get out the house, the washer is still in minute 4 of 1 minute to go, doing absolutely nothing until it randomly feels like it.
Then the washing needs bundling into the dryer and the next wash putting in setting off. If I don't do it, I'm squandering the best solar power of the day.

The tumble dryer timer is weird logic. I want to work on when I want it to start, not when I want it to finish and subtracting its fantasy estimated drying time to work out when it should start, not that it ever actually starts at a sensible time anyway. I often end up having to turn off and reset DH's loads in the morning to just get them started so it doesn't bank up through the day.

Printers deserve their own thread.

I have stood and repressed the urge to fling a previous particularly obnoxious printer out of the window. The thought that restrained me was of the mess the bastard would leave on the driveway.
I think I'd been to Staples twice to appease its demands and still it would not print.

They smell urgency.

I once put a wash on before bed, all good, I had a few hours before my bedtime (machine told me 110 mins or something similar). It took 2 hours longer. 2 whole hours. I went to bed after midnight. The count down was 39 mins. Those 39 minutes went on for at least an hour.

I find my quick wash still leaves lint on the seal. Hence why I only use it to dry towels. It's not worth it otherwise.

Did you have lightning last night? A close one might have glitched the program on the machine.

I'm not claiming that washing machines aren't bastards because they clearly are, although not as horrendous as printers, just that there might have been a cause beyond its control this time.

@MistyRock the other week the washing machine had finished, so I asked DH before he went to bed to put the washing on a 16 min spin cycle for an extra spin, because we don't have an extra spin button. He accidentally spun the dial too far and put it on setting 1 which is a 2 hour wash. I figured it out after 20 mins but it was full of water. So drained it out and put it on the 16 min spin cycle to get rid of all the water. 90 mins later it finally finished. I fell asleep on the sofa waiting for it. Both DH and the washing machine were in the bad books after that.

Oh, PRINTERS, now you're talking.
I actually have a pic on my printer of an angry cat saying 'I HATE printers'.

My washing machine beeps and displays "end" but then won't actally unlock for another 5 minutes or so.

I don't care if the wash cycle is technically complete, don't call me over until you're catuall ready to be emptied!

My brand new tumble dryer will make a noise that it will start the selected programme, and then just not. you can press that button again, and it will once again assure you that it will start.
It will then lie and tell me the load is actually dry so it doesn't actually need to do anything. I am a source of amusement to my kids when i stand there arguing with the bloody thing

My washing machine is in Strictly mode, it’s been practising it’s cha cha cha across the utility room floor and knocked the tumble dryer askew.
It’s because I washed bath sheets, it hates bath sheets!
I’m threatening it with a dance off against the printer which refuses to believe I’ve loaded the correct paper - for the last time printer the paper is not glossy!

The dishwasher
it randomly starts washing-even though it’s turned off
it them won’t start working when you press the start button
it refuses to dissolve the tablets unless the moon and stars are lined up
then,it leaves the glasses covered in a hard white lint which needs to be washed again
its salted and rinse aided

the Henry-I love a henry (I’ve had 4 in my time)
dp wanted an upright hoover
i talked him into the Henry xtra (we don’t even have a pet)
he gets stuck on every corner,smirks at me and the xtra attachment makes a noise like a rocket going off which means we can’t use it (making the extra money we paid a waste)
the attachments refuse to separate-we’ve had to use brute force to separate them and then as soon as we put them back on,they re-stick together

the iron
i don’t iron anything but on the rare times I’ve had to,it sits there getting hot
as soon as it hits a certain temp,it randomly falls off the ironing board
im sat her with a huge burn on my arm as the other day,I was ironing a dress and I swear I saw it fall
i turned round and caught my arm on the plate,which is now imbedded on my arm and has cost me a fortune in dressings and burn cream from the chemist

My washing machine minutes are a moveable feast too. It says five minutes when it means half and hour and when it’s one minute to go, I can comfortably come back fifteen minutes later, to find it’s still one minute.

The coffee machine waits until I’ve checked it has water, selected the right programme and attempted to switch it on and then tells me the water tray is full and must be emptied. Which would be OK, except it involves dismantling most of the machine to do it. Then the coffee grounds go everywhere.

Our washing machine was playing all sorts of funny tricks. Turns out that the bastard was DH though as he'd walk in through the door and turn the machine off wherever it was on a wash cycle as he'd just see the ON light and think it was using electric for fun... even when it was spinning or going round. The amount of times I opened it and it was full of cold soapy water

It was DD who caught him and told me what was happening. So I called out a local engineer who charged us £120 to spend a good hour testing the machine, and told DH that I just couldn't cope with the flooding again so I'd ordered a new machine ... with a child lock. And had used DH's card for all of it.

He's never fiddled with it again thanks to the expensive lesson and the child lock.

I’m not very keen on my tumble dryer.

I put it on for two hours to make sure everything is nice and dry. I don’t overfill it. I empty the water container and the filter.

After about ten minutes it will give a cherry beep and tell me it’s finished. All the washing is still wet. What the fuck is it playing at? I don’t understand it. I’m sure I’ve got it on the right settings. Bloody bastard.

And then you get the kids whining into the room that they put all their school uniform in the wash and haven’t got any for tomorrow. And it’s all still sitting in the tumble dryer sodden wet and the bloody machine is telling you it’s dry. And it won’t dry it. So you’re up and down like a yo-yo putting the bloody thing on again. Ffs.