Does downstairs return to normal after birth?!

[Rachell1]

Hi ladies,

Ok so. I need to make a decision asap re vaginal birth (vbac) or ELECS.

I was really leaning towards giving a vaginal birth a good go, partly because I really want to experience it and worry that I will one day regret not giving it a go. Partly because I have a toddler and can’t imagine how hard it would be running around after him while trying to recover from the c section surgery.

However…. I came across (by accident) a long thread on here where 99% of women have said that their down below didn’t really return to ‘normal’ OR they have suffered with prolapses. My mum has a prolapse womb and has and still is going through hell with it, also childbirth destroyed her bladder and she has had to have numerous surgeries/steroids etc to try to help her. Although she is likely to end up having to self catheter.

I’ve spoken to the mums I know who have had vaginal births and only one says downstairs wasn’t really effected.. my sister in law had to have surgery to tighten it again as it was destroying her relationship!! And other sister in law tore so badly she says every time she has sex she is in pain and is not allowed a vaginal birth again as last time’s tear was that bad.

I just didn’t think of any of this and now i’m panicking….!!!!

Also re toddler had my dd 20 months after ds so briefly had two under two. Very intense initially but was fine and now having the shorter gap is brill as they are into the same stuff. Just be prepared and don’t worry about asking for help if you need it. Even if it’s with the washing up or someone cooking a meal for you.

One vaginal birth so far, daughter now almost 2 was a big baby, I had a vontous (failed) and forceps, an episiotomy and a tear. definitely not back to normal, not entirely sure what the problem is as gp insists everything looks ok but I know it’s not, pain when having sex, can’t hold tampons or menstrual cups, just looks different . Although I have no baller or bowel issues so that’s good!

I agree with this.
I've had two vaginal births, after the first one I did find things were more painful but previous to giving birth I had found sex painful tbh so it was just continuing as before. I had a second degree tear which was stitched up.
But after my second birth (another second degree tear, but the midwife said where it was would heal together ok so she was happy to leave it) sex has improved so much, it is no longer painful at all and I'm very grateful for that!

Had ELCS, found sex after incredibly painful (I think dryness issues)

VBAC - all healed magnificently, sex after was better, not entirely sure how.

Second VBAC - tbc! Baby's only a week old, so DH not going anywhere near me for a little while 😂

Found recovery after VBAC SOOOO much easier. Granted, I know I had 2 relatively straightforward births (both v quick). 2nd degree tear both times.

I think like you I wanted to have experienced birth - seems a strange thing to say.

Do get in touch if you have any questions.

I can honestly say that feeling wise at least my downstairs is completely normal and has been since having my children. Not sure if it looks different but don’t really care!

I was young when I had my children - no idea what difference that makes.

Had ELCS with maybe 3-4 days of pain but manageable as long as I stayed on top of painkillers. Day 5 was a major turning point and from then on I had to remind myself I’d had surgery and not to overdo it! Was back running 5ks and playing competitive netball 10 weeks post natal (though 12 weeks was recommended!). Zero issues with pelvic floor and scar has healed really well. What I will say is that I ran right up until giving birth and did my pelvic floor exercises throughout pregnancy, so that could have something to do with my recovery, but I’d 100% do ELCS again. I actually felt really in control and consulted before during and after. Good luck!

Ex told me a male friend of his reported a less fulfilling sex experience post birth as it was less tight. Not sure if this is usual.

You only hear the horror stories. Most women go back to ‘normal’ whatever that is

@MotherOfDragon20 tampons etc is down to pelvic muscles. Also certain tampons expand withways but tampax lengthways so try some different brands

I never had a regular birth so I obviously can't say if that would have been better but i did have two c-sections and even with a toddler it was okay.
I could move around after two days and could do all the normal things within about two weeks. Its different for everyone but I know I had a much easier time than my sister who had a vbac.

I had two vaginal deliveries, the first of which was breech twins (it was a long time ago!) and returned to normal after both. Can't really remember the time frame but only a matter of a few months I think.

I had an episiotomy on my first and the recovery was a nightmare. I was sore for so long, my stitches came loose, the wound became infected. It eventually healed but I can’t wear tampons anymore.

On my second, I had an elective CS and the recovery was so much better. I had an 18 month age gap and managed fine. I was able to pick my toddler up without it causing any pain. The only difficulty I had was sitting up in bed, which was a little awkward during the night feeds.

Id have a section over a vaginal birth any day.

I had episiotomy and forceps delivery with my DD, onlh needed 3 stitches that healed within 6 weeks. First time having sex was a bit uncomfortable, so used lube for a little while, but all back to normal by about 3 or 4 months after birth.

The fact that tearing open is normal, is enough to put me off vaginal births for life.

Completely normal again after 2 vaginal births and they were both 9 pounders!

My three are all in their 30s now, all easy enough deliveries, I think I had two or three stitches with two of them. No problem at all with it all returning to normal, and absolutely no stretch marks. I did squats through each pregnancy and massaged the whole area, plus my tummy, with some bland oil (maybe massage oil, I think it was unscented).

I'm not sure the argument for doing a vbac so you can get back on your feet asap and capable of running after your toddler really holds water tbh.

I had a vaginal birth, a big episiotomy and forceps delivery. I was pretty mangled down there and it took almost a year to feel vaguely normal. Now, 7 yrs on, it's still not what it was pre birth. I also had a vaginal prolapse and am now dealing with a large rectocele!

You may get lucky, you may not. Personally I don't understand why anyone would feel regret if they didn't. It's certainly not a failure to have a c section but I've known several women who think they've 'failed' somehow which is ridiculous.

I only had one child, in part, due to the horrendous Labour I had. I would never knowingly put myself through it again if I'd had another and would have pushed hard for ELCS. Far nicer imo!

3 big babies here and all back to normal afterwards

Oh gosh I’ve had 4 c sections OP and can only recommend them. I obviously have no personal comparison but one of mu sisters has life changing injuries from births and I recovered quicker than she did. FWIW, my recoveries were easier each time. I also only had 17 months between numbers 2 & 3 so had a toddler and a 4yo to look after whilst recovering with a newborn and didn’t find it difficult.

@BadNomad agree, agree, AGREE!

Go for a section. Rather a scar across your lower belly than untold horrors to your undercarriage.

4 vaginally deliveries, one episiotomy, at least one tear which I refused to have stitched, I think there was another tiny tear which did not require stitching. Only the episiotomy required any length of time to heal and it was only a couple of weeks or so, not months/years. All these births were 20 plus years ago so I can take a long term view of this. No prolapses, no bladder leakage. I don't think things are ever as tight down there as they once were, but that's no bad thing.

I'd say the only things pregnancy and birth have left me with is stretch marks and a weakened pelvis, but I did suffer horrendously with SPD, nothing to do with the birth.

It's such a unique experience. Give it a go if you can!

I think online you tend to get more of the horror stories. I had two vaginal deliveries with no tearing. Is my downstairs completely the same? No. I think it’s probably now a bit looser and uglier, but am I glad I took that option? Yep, wouldn’t change it.

A new normal. Like after Covid.

Theres so many things that could happen.
For me DC#1 had a 3rd degree tear which was well stitched up and I got fantastic aftercare so it all went back to normal. I was inordinately proud when my 12 week check was greeted with “can’t even tell you’ve given birth you’ve healed so well” comment. Because let me tell you after the swelling went down, it looked like bride of Frankenstein down there and I that knocked my self confidence a bit,

DC#2 tore me as well reopening the scar but it was a 2nd degree tear. The aftercare I got was horrible. I asked to be stitched up but the midwife refused saying “keep your legs closed”. I did..but then a week after the birth, I had to rescue Dc#1 who was a toddler from a swing hitting her them in the face and that reopened the tear. i didn’t think, I just dashed over…and undid all the healing id gotten through by hobbling around gingerly. I called and asked for stitches again and was refused again. So down there healed up a bit messy & gappy and it still bothers me now over 20yrs later.

DC#3 & DC#4 I didn’t tear, just abrasions really…but then down there was bigger due to DC#2 tear never being stitched up.

Sex is still good. No organ prolapses.

I do have a bit of incontinence…sneeze or cough and a bit of wee comes out. I wear pads. But this didn’t come on until my 40s and I read it could be a menopause symptom as much as due to childbirth.

So for me, it was shit aftercare that affected me. Make sure you have your partner or someone be aware and fight for you. I was too exhausted to argue with the midwife and I regret not fighting to get stitches.