I'm an embarrassment, AKA, Shame at the Dermatologist

[Ilikegreenshoes]

This happened a couple of days ago, but I've been alternately laughing and cringing whenever I think of it ever since.

I've been suffering from an intense and horrible itch on my chest, torso, neck and arms. No antihistamines or creams would touch it, I'm on the waiting list already for an allergy test through the public system (I'm in Australia) but got so desperate that I decided to visit a private dermatologist.

Went to the appointment with a pre-written sheet of the relevant info as it's all a bit convoluted. The doctor seemed very nice, a softly spoken man who let me get through my essay, but made me feel like I'd maybe wasted his time by sharing a lot of extraneous info, so I was already feeling a little flustered which always makes me talk and laugh a bit too much.

So, here's the bit where I showed myself up. Dr asked me if I was wearing a bra, and if so could I take my top off so he can see the extent of the problem. I had failed to factor in that he may want me to disrobe, as I thought he could just look at my neck and chest (it all looks the same.) I am large, with big boobs, and hadn't mentally prepared to be seen in all my glory (shame?) by a strange man just before school pickup!

But I said, with a bonhomie that I was far from feeling, "Sure, no worries," and then remembered that I was wearing a bodysuit under my t-shirt. Laughingly I said, "Oh, I'm wearing a bodysuit, hold on," and, standing up, I plunged my hand too quickly down the front of my trousers and started trying to undo the snaps, which I can only imagine made me appear to be playing with myself. Having stood up too quickly and tried so hard to remain nonchalant, I realised that my foot had become entangled in the strap of my handbag, so I stood on one foot in the middle of the room, one hand desperately fiddling around my fanny, and the other leg shaking the strap off.

Of course, all this time I was talking and laughing, trying to show just how very unconcerned I was by the whole fiasco, whilst mentally asking myself what the hell I thought I was playing at.

Finally, I get the top and bodysuit off, and stand there in my (massive, old) bra and hear the doctor say, "Oh, you were wearing a bodysuit? They're a good idea, aren't they?"

So, he hadn't heard me, and had just watched me dance around on one foot with my hand down the front of my pants laughing like a lunatic. And was clearly so discombobulated by my performance that he didn't know what to say, apart from what a good idea bodysuits are?!?!?!

Well, there's my sorry tale, I hope it has entertained someone. Please share your own tales so I feel less like a loser.

Omg that made me laugh! Thank you.

Another one. I’d been having some post menopausal bleeding so my gp sent me off to have an internal scan, All was going well until I felt a gurgling in my stomach and cramps. I knew the signs, I needed a shit.
Meanwhile the doctor is poking around inside my vagina with a wand thingy looking for my left ovary, it hides during any jiggery pokery up there, it’s happened before when I took part in a ten year Ovarian cancer screening testing trial programme.
I had to ask her to stop as things in my bowel were becoming urgent. I’m naked from the waist down, and as I climbed off the table I let out an enormous fart, The doctor and nurses didn’t say anything. I did what I had to do, went back and the procedure started all over again.
The shy ovary decided to come out of hiding, much to the doctors delight, she said “Oh, there you are, you must have been hiding behind a bit of bowel and now it empty here you are”.
Fortunately I didn’t have to see her again as the bleeding was hormonal.

Oh wow, just read these over breakfast and have been laughing my head off. You guys are awesome! So, so funny. Have to admit the Harry Potter one really got me, but they're all brilliant! 😂

These are amazing. Between the googly eyed boob and the christmassy foof, I'm in bits.

Literally crying with laughter 🤣🤣🤣 had to share a few with DH , laughing silently in bed trying not to wake up toddler 🤣

Mine isn't very funny unfortunately, but it was 12 years ago and I still regularly cringe about it now, as well as feel absolutely awful about it.

I had a complete, mortifying meltdown at the dentist when I was 15. I was in an abusive relationship with a boy who fractured my jaw. He came to the emergency dentist with me (I was in shock at the time and not thinking, I left him immediately after this don't worry!) and when he saw the student who was shadowing he urgently whispered that it was a girl named Chelsea, who had been causing me a lot of trouble and threatening me a lot over social media because she fancied my ex (and I assume he'd been leading her on and telling her that I was standing in the way of them being together). I waved him off at first, as I knew that a dentistry student wouldn't behave the way that Chelsea had been doing. However, ex was adamant that it was her and she had the exact same hairstyle that I'd seen in photos, so when I was asked to lay on the chair and open my mouth I had a full blown panic attack, apologising and trying to run from the room and begging to see a different dentist as I didn't want this girl who had been causing me so much trouble having me in such a vulnerable position. They somehow figured out that it was the student that was causing my distress, so they made her wait in a different room while I had the procedure done. She'd looked so genuinely confused and upset that when I got home I immediately looked Chelsea up on FB and she definitely wasn't the student.

I feel bloody awful for the poor girl, it could have affected her whole career and shaken her confidence for years for all I know. The dentists all handled it so professionally, but I'm still to this day absolutely mortified.

@BluSquid
As an ex med student, please don't give this another thought xx

Thanks for the laughs everyone else! Sorry they've come at such expense!

@BluSquid I'm just glad to hear that you didn't stick around to be hit again! You poor thing, I don't think anyone would judge you for having a meltdown under those circumstances!

i discovered a big lump on the side of my vagina and I thought the gynaecologist told me that I I was growing a willy. I burst into hysterical tears and sobbed that I didn’t want a willy knob poking out of my fanny, I didn’t know what to do with a willy, and I didn’t want to be like a baby elephant with a long uncontrollable appendage flinging around everywhere! I was so distressed I was literally blowing snot bubbles out my nose.

The poor gynaecologist looked so startled and he said “you have a Garnett’s Duct cyst. It’s a cyst, not a willy and you’re not going to be flinging it anywhere”. Where I got willy from I don’t know to this day!

I still shudder thinking about it.

This is amazing 😂 I’m diabetic and the Christmassy vagina win it for me

There was the time after birth when the midwife told me i didn't need stiches and i proudly announced i had a fanny like stretch Armstrong. (i blame the drugs)
There was also the time i went for my smear test, the pillow was covered in some kind of rubbery pillowcase and when i flopped down on it, it caused a whoopie cushion effect, so I'm there with it all hanging out protesting my innocence that this massive fart noise was not me.

I'm creased up after reading about how Harry Potter was doing some incantations at his granny's bedside @JeanMarie for it only to be a priest praying with her and then you breaking your shite laughing! 😆 😂

Honestly, thanks so much for all of your stories, you've had me in stitches.

You've made my Monday ladies. I have tears running down my face!

We once took our puppy who had massive testicle to the vets with a rash on them.
Turned out the diagnosis was carpet fluff as they rubbed along when he walked gathering fluff.

Growing a Willy! Oh Lordy, oh dear… 😆

Oh my goodness @Fluffluff I've just read about your puppy! 😂😂😂

Far out these are fabulous!

I remember a woman on here years ago who was running late for a GP appointment about her dodgy knee. In her rush she decided to shave just the dodgy leg in the shower.

Of course, the GP wanted to see the other leg for comparison, so got one nice smooth one and another gorilla level hairy 😂

My ex had a friend who went for a medical exam, the doctor said to him, 'I will just need to take a look in your ears' and swivelled his seat around for a moment. When he turned back, the bloke was on his knees in front of him 😂. Cue the doctor looking confused and slightly alarmed. He hadn't realised the doctor would bring the otoscope to him while he remained seated .....

Haha!
Literally laughing at this 😂

As a teenager I felt really Ill- and went to GP surgery, sweat running down my face in winter-
I’d dragged myself out of bed to get there-
Receptionist said “ I think you need to see the dr Now

He had a student with him, and asked me to lie on the couch
He felt my glands and to my horror said he’d “ Check my groin”
I said “ I’m not wearing any knickers! “

Doc said brightly “ How Bohemian!”

(In my febrile state, I’d not done my washing- and had run out of knickers)

I was wearing a long skirt .

It was glandular fever. Epstien Barr(?) had blood test too.

Laughing so noisily at this I’ve woken the dog !

This one is the last straw- Snorting with laughter here, and have fully woken up dog (5:37 am)

So many funny stories here. I remember going to see my osteopath a few years ago.As he walked me to the front door after my treatment I thanked him kissed him goodbye !!
To this day I can barely think about it.
Thankfully he was nice enough to A) pretend it never happened and B) never mention it thereafter.
The shame 😂

I have carers at home via social services.

I had a new carer turn up who was male (which threw me slightly as I'd been put down as female only carers) and English was not his first language.

We were talking and I referred to something as a pain in the arse, he looked a bit confused so I said "pain in the bum" instead. He looked very embarrassed and said "Oh you have pain in your bum". What makes it worse was that I couldn't work out how on earth to explain the expression so that he would understand so I said nothing.

I emailed the provider and explained that I really needed female carers and they apologised for sending a male and told me it would be 3 weeks until a female carer was available. Fine no problem, except they forgot to tell him that and he turned up. I was able to see out the window that it was him but I was embarrassed and have major anxiety so I hid, on my kitchen floor, for 20 minutes eventually crawling out commando style to check if he had gone.

Im a massive twat 🤣🤣🤣

Oh fantastic! A few more stories! I thought this thread had died. You lot are so funny!

Still remember the woman on here who told the story about being in labour and being so accustomed to having every man and his dog wanting to give her an internal check that she just spread her legs when a woman walked in. The woman looked at her and went, "I'm just here to empty the bin." 😂