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Original poster

I am just about to email to turn down a job offer for a job I actually really want. Anyone else had this occur?

316 replies

ThatBliddyWoman · 13/10/2022 06:48

I have had two interviews for the job, one just an informal meeting and the second a presentation. Both went well and I was offered the job. It was advertised as (for example) the pay starting at about 2K less than I am on now, and going up to 3 and a half thousand more.

They've offered me the very lowest end of the scale, because I don't have all of the experience they wanted.

They wanted a degree, experience in one particular field and experience in another field. I have two degrees (a Masters) and experience in one but not both of the areas so they'd start me on the lowest pay.

It's also more hours than I do now (albeit not many) some hours WFH some in the office. So I'd have to factor in petrol costs, and paying a dog walker.

I've looked at my finances over and over and I just can't do it :(

I keep re-wording the email. What I want them to do is to come back and say 'Great we'll give you more money then!' but It's not likely is it.

I have a gut feeling that they've not had many people apply. I breezed through both the interviews, I got the impression they really liked me :(

It's also in a field I really want to work in and really want to gain experience in. They'd offered to put me through a qualification I have always wanted too.

Gutted. Has anyone else had something such as this happen?

OP posts:
Whichwhatnow · 13/10/2022 09:23

Good luck OP! I negotiated a salary increase for the first time ever in my current job, and it was pretty eye opening how easy it was. I almost felt annoyed that I hadn't asked for more because I think they would have agreed to that too. And to think of all the times I could've asked for more in previous jobs but didn't, for much the same reasons as you have mentioned - not wanting to look difficult or demanding or rude etc. Ridiculous really! Fingers crossed for you 😊

elmooie · 13/10/2022 09:26

They need you more than you need them. They wouldn’t have offered you the job so fast otherwise - you are in a great position here.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 13/10/2022 09:26

100% agree with those telling to you negotiate.

Thank you for the offer, however unfortunately the offer does not meet my salary expectations. Is there room for movement?

Likelihood is they'll come back and ask what you want - tell them the top salary + a few grand. Then they'll come back with their offer, which will be closer if not at the top end of what they were offering.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
LikeTearsInRain · 13/10/2022 09:27

Good luck OP

And if it doesn’t go the way you hope this is a lesson for future roles - don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. If they don’t want to meet you there, or even halfway, it’s their loss not yours. Be confident!

Bearsporridge · 13/10/2022 09:29

Women are socialised to put ourselves down. I went to an all girls school and my first workplace was a shock. We would bat off compliments, only claim to 75% of our talent on the unspoken understanding that other girls would then build you up.

But suddenly I was competing with boys who automatically claimed they were 125% of their talent or more. And assumed that my 75% was really 50% as I must be upselling myself. It was all about confidence over competence.

It is really, really hard to negotiate and self-promote in the workplace, even more do I think when you have to do it with another woman.

It can be helpful to think of it as a game with rules, or a formal dance with steps you need to learn. Definitely use email if it helps.

I love MN for the support and encouragement to get through these things.

smileandsing · 13/10/2022 09:34

Ask for the top end, no apologies, sound like you want the job but their salary offer is stopping you accepting it (which is true). If you sound like you're saying no ('I'm sorry but I can't accept the job at that salary) it may seem like you don't want the job at all and the salary is just an excuse.
You know they want you so use that to make it work for you.
Remember your time for their money, each of you want as much from the other as they can get while giving as little as possible. Negotiate.

FloozingThePlot · 13/10/2022 09:34

The thing to remember is that they will have budgeted for recruiting someone at the top of that scale OP. Negotiate 😀

Loopsy123 · 13/10/2022 09:35

As someone that works in HR I think you need to be very clear on what you want. If a job now involves you travelling and incurring costs you need to be conscious of your own self worth.

Own it, don’t accept. Say something along the lines of I think this is an amazing opportunity but for me to accept I would require £xx therefore it is with disappointment that I cannot accept the offer you have made.

leave it to them.

good luck!

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/10/2022 09:38

Good luck op. I hope they come back and agree to your demands.

Ariela · 13/10/2022 09:39

You know they have 3.5K in the budget had a totally qualified BTDT got the tshirt tick all the boxes person strolled in for an interview.
You tick everything bar half a box - it's similar that you've done, just not exactly the same. SO ask for £2.5k.
It's still less than in their budget.

JacquelineCarlyle · 13/10/2022 09:42

Glad you've sent the email - good luck!

PurplRainDancer · 13/10/2022 09:43

NegroniLover · 13/10/2022 06:53

Could you have a discussion with them to see if there's wiggle room & to see how quickly you might progress?
That's a really tough situation to be in but I wouldn't just turn it down without a conversation with them first

Negotiate

justasking111 · 13/10/2022 09:45

Good luck. As an employer I'd up your salary

Rosehugger · 13/10/2022 09:45

Good luck OP. Hopeful of a positive update.

mindutopia · 13/10/2022 09:46

Absolutely negotiate. I applied for a position recently, which was a grade lower than my current grade, but really suitable to me. Lowest rung on the pay scale was about £15k less than I make now. They offered me the job. I said I could only take it if I was paid at my current grade. They shifted things around and re-graded the whole role to meet my current salary point.

EasterIssland · 13/10/2022 09:47

Good luck op. Hope they manage to give you a higher salary!

underneaththeash · 13/10/2022 09:53

I would say that your very interested in the position, but you obviously wouldn’t be able to move jobs for less money than you’re currently earning and would be looking for a starting salary of at least xxx.

Trilla · 13/10/2022 09:54

So glad you have negotiated with no fluff! I briefly used to work in a team that did onboarding, men negotiated a lot more and the few women that did were always really apologetic, it really changed my mindset (as a PP said think like a man!) previously I never negotiated.
Good luck!

Oblomov22 · 13/10/2022 09:57

Good luck OP.
I too think you aren't thinking this through financially, re what it will cost you in commuting etc.
Agree with Scottishgirl that £2k to a company is literally peanuts. £2000 divided by 52 weeks is £38.47. Plus that is Gross salary, not Net salary - what Your'll receive in your bank. Which is about £30.78. Per week. Once you consider heating costs this winter.... All this? For that?

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/10/2022 09:57

OutDamnedSpot · 13/10/2022 06:58

Definitely don’t turn it down. Negotiate!

This! I would expect them to start with their lowest offer, expecting you to ask for more, and you come up with a figure you can both agree on. (I do a lot of recruitment).

billy1966 · 13/10/2022 10:00

OP,

I think this job could be a mistake until you start focusing on upping your assertiveness.

They have low balled you which is not a good sign.
More hours.
Considerable more effort.
Travel and dog costs.

This job is going to cost you financially, effort, and time.

Not many applications, were impressed by you.......
Yet still they low balled you.
They gave you the job at interview stage......reflect on that.

Companies that low ball people who accept it will likely try and get more from you that is reasonable, and aren't concerned about you coming and staying.
If they were they would give a decent offer.

They haven't had many bites for the job.
Reflect on that.

Why would you move to a job that will cost you?

Travelling to work and paying a dog walker will get old very quickly when you are working longer hours for less.

You need to look at the money carefully.

Work on your assertiveness and keep job hunting from a position of power.

moofolk · 13/10/2022 10:01

Tell them you need more money.

It's what a man would do.

EmmaH2022 · 13/10/2022 10:02

oh FFS

reply saying “thank you but I’m unable to accept unless you pay x”. And overstate that figure because you need to negotiate.

woman up.

dizzyupthegirl86 · 13/10/2022 10:05

Bearsporridge · 13/10/2022 09:29

Women are socialised to put ourselves down. I went to an all girls school and my first workplace was a shock. We would bat off compliments, only claim to 75% of our talent on the unspoken understanding that other girls would then build you up.

But suddenly I was competing with boys who automatically claimed they were 125% of their talent or more. And assumed that my 75% was really 50% as I must be upselling myself. It was all about confidence over competence.

It is really, really hard to negotiate and self-promote in the workplace, even more do I think when you have to do it with another woman.

It can be helpful to think of it as a game with rules, or a formal dance with steps you need to learn. Definitely use email if it helps.

I love MN for the support and encouragement to get through these things.

This is brilliant! So eye opening. I can’t believe I never considered it like that!

Frazzled2207 · 13/10/2022 10:06

Whatacarryonthisis · 13/10/2022 06:52

You just say thanks for the offer but you are currently on x and with the extra travel costs you’d need to earn y

if it’s a decent company and they want you they likely have some flex to pay more, if not it’s not the job for you

This but ideally I’d call the decision maker and explain over the phone.

this will make you sound keener.
i had a similar situation when I started my job. They then upped their offer a bit.

Quire normal for employers to see how low they can get away with (I’m a recruiter). It doesn’t mean they won’t negotiate!

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