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Original poster

I am just about to email to turn down a job offer for a job I actually really want. Anyone else had this occur?

316 replies

ThatBliddyWoman · 13/10/2022 06:48

I have had two interviews for the job, one just an informal meeting and the second a presentation. Both went well and I was offered the job. It was advertised as (for example) the pay starting at about 2K less than I am on now, and going up to 3 and a half thousand more.

They've offered me the very lowest end of the scale, because I don't have all of the experience they wanted.

They wanted a degree, experience in one particular field and experience in another field. I have two degrees (a Masters) and experience in one but not both of the areas so they'd start me on the lowest pay.

It's also more hours than I do now (albeit not many) some hours WFH some in the office. So I'd have to factor in petrol costs, and paying a dog walker.

I've looked at my finances over and over and I just can't do it :(

I keep re-wording the email. What I want them to do is to come back and say 'Great we'll give you more money then!' but It's not likely is it.

I have a gut feeling that they've not had many people apply. I breezed through both the interviews, I got the impression they really liked me :(

It's also in a field I really want to work in and really want to gain experience in. They'd offered to put me through a qualification I have always wanted too.

Gutted. Has anyone else had something such as this happen?

OP posts:
Scepticalwotsits · 13/10/2022 08:00

Always negotiate. You have a strong set of qualifications and experience you should ask for more and be prepared to walk away. If they don’t value you don’t debase yourself for a job.

when hiring one of the reasons men get better jobs (other than inbuilt biases) is that mean will see that are qualified for part of a role and will talk about the rest as a development opportunity, women seem to talk themselves down if they are not a100% match if they even apply.

Most Job description and lists are just a company wish listing what an ideal person would have not what that actually need.

OP deffo go back and respond politely that while it is a job you are very interested in the finances of it just don’t stack up. Then state a figure you would want (go slightly higher) let them come back and if they go a shade under what you ask for it’s a figure you will be happy with, if not then you can walk away knowing that you were the right candidate but the company wasn’t the right one for you.

AnneKipankitoo · 13/10/2022 08:00

Re wanting a commute… build one into your working day . Walk around the area for 10 minutes.

Don’t accept less money .

Good luck!

Autumnisclose · 13/10/2022 08:00

I recruit regularly and we are always willing to pay more for the right person.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 13/10/2022 08:03

In a rush so haven't read all the thread. Don't fgs be fluffy.
I've recruited many senior people to work for me, mainly women. I respect a strong negotiator if there was an issue with salary/conditions. We work to be paid after all. Don't be woolly. Tell them clearly and concisely what your minimum package would be (not a scrimping minimum) and hold firm.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 13/10/2022 08:03

Best of luck. Don't ask for what you get now as you'll have less money. Build in all your costs and go for a bit higher than that.

BEAM123 · 13/10/2022 08:04

ThatBliddyWoman · 13/10/2022 07:16

The reason I struggle to do that is (and I appreciate that this is a 'me' problem and you're right!) I beleive that saying something like that would make me sound difficult, and not like someone they'd want. They may think Id be demanding or difficult to work with, not be reasonable about other expectations of people I work with etc?

Show quote history

They are hiring someone to do a job, get it done and have the confidence to get it done. Negotiating and owning your needs and your own boundaries in what you can accept are positive qualities.

Being demanding or difficult would come across in HOW you express things, if you are pleasant and factual about what you have to offer and what you need, then you are not being demanding or difficult. It is just business.

Don't forget they are hiring a resource and they are a business and they expect to have to pay for the resource. It (you) is a scarce resource (not many applicants met their long wishlist) so they expect to have to pay a higher rate. But they won't offer it to start with, because they are running a business and if they can get a rare resource at a cheaper price, they will.

If they actually genuinely have no room to move you wouldn't want to work for them anyway, because progression could be difficult in future.

MadeForThis · 13/10/2022 08:06

You have already told them that you couldn't work for that money. They will be expecting you to negotiate. I hope you went in slightly higher than you need.

Be prepared to talk about how long you stay on that salary too. You want to be able to progress and not be stuck unable to get a pay rise.

Glitteratitar · 13/10/2022 08:06

Negotiate rather than turning it down!

washingbasketqueen · 13/10/2022 08:08

Definitely negotiate. A few K is prob neither here nor there. I had similar years ago when I applied for a job in the nhs. It was on quite a large scale (Band 7). They offered me the job at the bottom of the scale. I refused. I was already on significantly more. They did renegotiate and moved me up 4K, which was still less bit more acceptable due to the niche nature of the role.

Coffeesnob11 · 13/10/2022 08:09

I would calculate it on a per hour pay. You mention that this is more hours. Write down what you get now per hour and compare. Then list any other benefits such as pension contributions %, sick pay, private health care etc. Then list the gross pay needed for your commuting and dog walking and you will have a clearer view.

Scepticalwotsits · 13/10/2022 08:11

It always pays to negotiate, last time I got a job after negotiating they offered 4k above their top banding, and it wasn’t that it was there all along as the price bracket they were offering was market rate

IncompleteSenten · 13/10/2022 08:13

ThatBliddyWoman · 13/10/2022 07:16

The reason I struggle to do that is (and I appreciate that this is a 'me' problem and you're right!) I beleive that saying something like that would make me sound difficult, and not like someone they'd want. They may think Id be demanding or difficult to work with, not be reasonable about other expectations of people I work with etc?

Show quote history

Do you think men worry about that?

This is an area we have got to improve in. Work out what you would need in order for you to be at the very least no worse off when you factor in the additional costs as well as your current salary and be honest. This is the salary you are looking for.

If that makes them think you are difficult and they won't like you or they'll think you're not nice then that is not a company you want to work for!

Knackeredandstressed · 13/10/2022 08:13

Negotiate! If you dont ask you dont get!

notputtingtheheatingon · 13/10/2022 08:16

If you really want the job, please try a little gentle negotiation. I'm an employer and over the years, I've had a couple of people ask for more than we've been offering. Actually, I've done it myself and it worked in my favour.

I think just explain your circumstances that with the costs of petrol etc, you would be worse off and you wonder if they are able to offer more. State your reasonable number and see what happens.

MDevane86 · 13/10/2022 08:18

If you speak to anyone in recruitment, they will always say men negotiate harder for more pay whereas women don't. I did this with my current job, they were shocked with how much I asked for to begin with and didn't offer what I wanted when I negotiated but I accepted the job as i needed to travel less. I later found out they offered as much as they could. You should try anyway, they'll get feedback on why good candidates don't accept their offers and they'll need to rethink their pay structure.

For me it worked out in the end as they were great to work for and had 2 pay rises in the space of 2 and a half years. I've spent 10 of those months on mat leave.

BeanStew22 · 13/10/2022 08:20

coffy11 · 13/10/2022 07:18

I think in every job that I've been offered I've always asked for more than they offered and explained why I wanted it and they always said yes so definitely worth asking. You've got to know your worth. Good luck!

^ this. Ask for more

I started doing this in recent years, have always managed to get a few K more (usually equivalent to 1-2 months salary for me)

Its easier for the company to increase their offer than start with a new candidate

Say : ‘do you have any room to increase your offer, with my qualifications and experience my objective is to earn ‘X’ (a figure above the salary you want as they will probably come back with a bit less to meet you in the middle)

I did this literally yesterday and got another months salary added

Good luck

JustCheckingItsYou · 13/10/2022 08:20

Head of HR here - the job market is an absolute mess, and they will not lose you for a few grand. If you feel uncomfortable being assertive, do it by email. State the salary you will do the job for 👌🏻

Jumperoo56370000 · 13/10/2022 08:26

ThatBliddyWoman · 13/10/2022 07:03

I find being so assertive really difficult! I will probably write something that says that, but in a bit of a 'fluffier' way if that makes sense!

Show quote history

Please don’t be fluffy about this. Be polite and factual.

Emphasise how much you would love the job, maybe point out something specific and positive about it, but be clear that you cannot afford to take a pay cut. Just state how much you need to be paid and say that you really hope they can work something out.

If you are fluffy they may misunderstand.

Whiskers4 · 13/10/2022 08:31

You've got absolutely nothing to loose. Just state the facts, ie you can't afford to live on that income and ask if they can reconsider starting salary.

Trumpton · 13/10/2022 08:33

If, when, they offer the top salary that will give you £5500 more.
Take off NI and increased taxes 20-30%
Take off commute costs and factor in the unpaid commuting time.
Petrol costs.
Dog Walker.
How many extra hours?
Increased pension contributions
when you have taken all this into account does it add up to give you the increase or will you break even on the new salary.
I agree, think like a man!

averythinline · 13/10/2022 08:37

As well as no fluff no sorry ..watch this ted talk before you write/phone

Or Google ted talk apologies Maja Jovanovic if you dont want to click a link .

And have a look at upfront ...they're all about increasing confidence in women..... i did a course and it really helped me handle stuff like this

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 13/10/2022 08:43

I'm rooting for you @ThatBliddyWoman

If I ever need a kick up the bum I tell myself to think with the confidence of a mediocre white man.

Good luck!

LadyLapsang · 13/10/2022 08:44

As a manager and chair of an interview panel I have made the case to our HR to start a particularly strong candidate above the minimum on the pay band. This is very unusual in our organisation, but I was happy to work with the candidate to make the case. Perhaps you could aim for mid way on the salary scale to start with an agreed early salary review. I agree with others, this is not about your commute or home circumstances (it used to make me angry when friends were underpaid because the employer knew their DH had a high salary) but about your worth, your education, skills and experience. Research shows men negotiate higher salaries early in their careers and use that as a springboard, hence the growing gender pay gap as people get older.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/10/2022 08:45

Appreciate you have sent the mail now but want to reinforce the point "negotiate".

They said they would see what they could do - tbh I would have called initially to ask if they had made any progress on the "seeing what they could do". There are other options employers may have such as sign on bonuses, some workplace expenses to cover additional costs etc which can be easier to add in to salary than a base rise.

Mainly though - if you don't ask, you don't get!

Cait33 · 13/10/2022 08:46

Definitely negotiate - it's an employee's market at the minute OP! I had two job offers earlier this year and negotiated better pay on the first one but subsequently turned it down for the (better paid again) other offer where I negotiated 3 days working from home instead of the 2 they offered initially. I've recruited 5 staff to my team since being here and though none of them did any negotiating, I'd have been very open to it as we're crying out for staff which means they can call the shots (up to a point obviously)!