Regret big move 😪

[waterrat]

We moved out of london with 2 kids 7 and 9. Now on south coast. I desperately wanted to move for years but i miss London so much. I cry often. 😢 i feel like an idiot.

Children miss it too ..although 9 yr old has settled in made a lot of friends ....7 yr old v much pining for previous life.

Its been 5 months. Have met lots of friendly people..nothing wrong with where we are but i just feel absolutely heartbroken 💔

All my family are in london and one of mz kids has special needs i feel stupid to have left. Although where we live now is safer...cleaner...kids go to park on their own etc

I want to move back but would be incredibly disruptive...help......

You either move back, or you stop pining for your old life and move forward.
You need to make a decision so the 7 year old can settle.

Move back if you can. The kids are still young enough and in my area a lot of year 5 places come up cos most people are moving out.

This. You will stop suffering when you make a decision on whether to stay or go back
and I say that as someone who hated with an absolute passion for YEARS the city I now adore.

Yep the 7 yr old has suffered a lot in the move I know I have to be the adult..

I have always had a restless anxious mind and its horrible realizing that moving wasnt the solution

5 months isn't long.

Why did you want to move?

How much have you thrown yourselves into life in the new location?
The 'South Coast' is quite a wide area but there is lots to do and hardly the back of beyond. Perhaps you are in the wrong bit?

What are you missing about London? The expense, the crowds, the dirt, the lack of open space? (Can you tell I'm not a great fan?) Or were you doing theatre and museums every weekend? Or miss the multiculturalness?

I know..its not long especially as I grew up in london so is really a huge change.

I miss the greenery of london parks....we live in hove near south downs but brighton and hove itself is far less green than our old neighborhood

I miss my friends and community...my family..and just london! The mad randomness of it....

I dont agree london has no open space..its the greenest city i believe ?

The beach is great but doesnt have the same day to day vibe as a big london park

Relocation is a big thing, I know we did it last year, moved 3.5hrs from where we used to live.

I would say you haven’t given it enough time yet to settle. My advice would be to make your home how you want it to be, stop listening to the 7 yo, who is probably just picking up on your stress etc. You can’t go back on the decision, even if you moved back, you wouldn’t be in the same house etc.

It is a big change, it takes time. Focus on the reasons why you moved, I am sure you would have put a lot of thought into it and took the decision for very valid reasons.

I so wanted to move, it was my suggestion, there were lots of valid reasons, I was really happy to move, but it took me a few months to feel like home. It sounds an odd thing to say, but if I was out and seeing locals going about their lives and hearing the accent, I would think to myself I don’t belong here, it’s such a strange feeling and hard to describe. That has passed and we are all very happy move, we wouldn’t move back, however our circumstances are different as sadly we no longer have family ties where we used to live.

Good luck OP, wishing you all the best for the future.

Learn to love the Downs and the beach. Brighton is pretty vibrant isn't it?
Best wishes whatever you decide.

Do you think you are just generally unhappy as you were unhappy with living in London and now you are unhappy with not living in London?

It must be a bit wearing for your family (and you). Maybe seek some counselling to work out what is actually missing and stopping you from feeling settled.

Just seen you are in Hove, so easy to get to London that’s good, so you can still see friends & family without too much travel.

If it’s green space you are craving Devils Dyke isn’t far from you, Hove Park, the lagoon in Hove is also very popular. Further afield Cuckmere Haven, Seven Sisters Country Park.

Have you made any mum friends? Would that help? Are you working locally? Do you have any hobbies that could connect you to the local community. Being as you are in Hove, many residents are probably from London.

We made a big move from Suffolk to the Southwest for my husband’s job and I absolutely hated it. I missed my friends and family and even my old job. I also hated where we had moved to as it seemed quite isolated (our fault for not doing enough research). I really feel for you as I’ll never forget that horrible feeling of homesickness.
In the end we moved back after a year as it simply wasn’t worth it- our children were unhappy, I was unhappy and it wasn’t the life we had imagined.
I felt a bit embarrassed moving back and admitting
we’d made a big mistake and we lost thousands on the house move, but it was worth it. I appreciate where I am and what I have so much more and the boys settled back as if they had never been away.
Good luck in whatever you decide x

its totally understandable that you are missing a close community you have moved away from. What made you do that though?

You haven’t mentioned your house - most people moving away from London do this to get a significant upgrade in their home.
Is your new home not giving you lots of pleasure?

What were the reasons you moved? I think if you are unhappy then you either throw yourself into your new life and hope things will improve and if they don’t I’d set a time at which you will move back ( a year?).

It sounds like you moved from one expensive area to another expensive area, bu the area you moved from had the advantage of having nice green spaces, family, friends, familiarity... I am struggeling to see why you moved too, and I would move back to London if you can.

It'd be normal to still be homesick after 5 months even if you like the new place, it takes time to settle and find new hobbies, habits, familiarities. The beach is an amazing thing to live close to - maybe you could start a few new family traditions? Like going to the beach after school (especially with your 7 year old) for a hot choc in winter or playing in summer, find a new favourite cafe, find a local lovely weekend place to go like parks or whatever. And maybe a new club for the 7 year old to join?

5 months isn’t very long compared to years living in London. You need to give it more time and put a lot more effort into getting settled, for your children’s sake, if not yours.

You’re also going to be sending negative vibes to your children about adapting to change, which won’t help them when they’re older and looking to live independently.

It's become such a repeated mantra that "London BAD" that room for other opinions has been pushed out. I love London, it's one of the greatest cities in the world- but it feels almost taboo to say it and I have to argue my position every time so I don't bother usually. I just wonder whether people sometimes internalise the thought and act on it.

At 5 months I'd say keep trying to build a new life where you are. If it's years of nothing getting better that's different.

We moved out 10 years ago. It took a good couple of years for the new area to feel like home.

im now one of those who say they’d never go back to London, I still love it as a City but I no longer wish to live there.

OP, you don’t say why you moved? Can you focus on that?

Why did you move?

5 months really isn’t long. Even just for a normal house move let alone moving some distance. you must of had a good reason to move so focus of that, stop dwelling and give it a good shot, and if in another 6months year it still sucks than ok but don’t lose sight of the reasons you felt you needed to leave London.

London or this place might not be the right place but a different city/county might actually be the ideal.

Five months is classic ‘this was a mistake’ territory. It’s not that I don’t know what you mean — we moved out of London to the Midlands for work reasons with our baby in 2012, and it was awful. We had space, peace, a safer environment in a chocolate-box village, but it didn’t make up for the insularity and xenophobia. Having said that, it didn’t feel possible to return to London after a couple of years, so we left the UK entirely, and are now happily settled in a culturally-vibrant small city elsewhere.

Five months isn't long, OP. Give it a couple of years. If it still doesn't feel right, then move back. Have you explored your new area properly? Have you found all the local parks, and other interesting places? You are within fairly easy reach of London - have you tried going back for day trips?

I know how you feel. I got forced out of London against my will twelve years ago, and I'm still not over it. Even after all this time, I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Be honest with yourself, how often did you do the things you’re missing? We recently moved an hour away and I was worried about missing out on this and that. However, when I truly thought about it, I realised we didn’t actually do them a
lot. Also, with it being only an hour away, we can still pop up if we fancy it. We still keep up with our good friends, in fact, we met halfway just this weekend for lunch and a walk. The move has been great for us.