Regret big move 😪

[waterrat]

We moved out of london with 2 kids 7 and 9. Now on south coast. I desperately wanted to move for years but i miss London so much. I cry often. 😢 i feel like an idiot.

Children miss it too ..although 9 yr old has settled in made a lot of friends ....7 yr old v much pining for previous life.

Its been 5 months. Have met lots of friendly people..nothing wrong with where we are but i just feel absolutely heartbroken 💔

All my family are in london and one of mz kids has special needs i feel stupid to have left. Although where we live now is safer...cleaner...kids go to park on their own etc

I want to move back but would be incredibly disruptive...help......

Hi @waterrat I'm a couple of months behind you, having moved to Brighton 3 months ago after many years living in London. I can't say I miss London exactly, but I am realising that Brighton isn't the answer to everything that I believed it would be. However, I would say that we (and you) moved at absolutely the worst time of year as it's been so wet and now cold that it's hard to drum up enthusiasm for anywhere! I'm going to see what the summer brings before making a final decision on the merits of the move and maybe you could do the same? Glad you're feeling happier anyway.

5 months isn't long at all! It takes a minimum of a year. We did similar and I pinned for old life to start. Then things settled and we found new friends and activities. 10 years later glad we went and I wouldn't move back! Teen kids who will stay out late and I know are safe. Larger house for the money. Comfy life. Feel it was right choice for us

Before I moved, a friend who had made a similar move said it took her five years to settle.

my move was truly traumatic for a variety of reasons. It took almost four years to replace in my mind the landscape of my old city with where I now lived.

Five years to even start to feel settled.

but you need to decide if you really do want to stay. Friends and family are what actually make up quality of life. Personally, I would live where they are.

If you stay where you live now. I recommend building up a different life from that you used to have. Trying to do the same hobbies I used to have made me miss my old life more. Taking up new hobbies and activities helped.

Hi @waterrat we’re in South West London where I grew up and my parents still live. Nice area. Plenty to do and teenager children can get themselves about independently - though cycling is rubbish in Merton.
But I still miss Bournemouth and the community nearly 5 years after moving.
We moved end of 2018. Timing was so bad as Bournemouth would have been perfect lockdown location.
If i could go back in time I think I’d stay where we were and where the children had spent most of their childhood.
Though job-wise it was a bit of a dead end but I think that changed with Covid and wfh opportunities.
Trying to live each day and make the most of things now.
I think sometimes moving is seen as a solution to problems we just carry around from place to place.

You say DCs can walk to park on their own.
How safe will the area of London you were in be when they are teens?

Look, if you can do back, go back.

We left London too. family, friends. But we didn’t have a choice. We got priced out of renting. We had to move two and a half hours away to a real shithole to be able to afford somewhere.

My children were so upset. The one who had just started 6th form moved on faster as he was older and understood but my 6 year old was devastated. She’s just turned 9 and misses it so much still. We will never be able to go back, can’t afford to visit and all our friends have moved on now anyway and forgotten us.

Just move back if you can and chalk it up to a mistake.

Move back then. You say you wanted to move out, but nothing you've written implies you actually did. Why did you want to move out? What were you expecting?

Hi @anotheragain
Totally agree it can take several years to feel settled and also that it’s about making a decision to stay put and invest.
I still don’t feel settled nearly 5 years on. Partly that may well be because I’m not sure where we’ll end up in the longer run. These decisions can be complex and things shift - ageing parents, kids off to university then working (often in London). So a day at a time is my new policy and being more gentle with oneself / decision making.

Not sure who the above comments are aimed at.