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Original poster

Would you find this reason for cancelling offensive?

75 replies

swaytunes · 08/10/2022 18:43

Friend was supposed to come over this afternoon but messaged me at lunch time to say she couldn’t because her family are now visiting her tomorrow so she "would need to stay in and clean"

Is it just me or would you find this really rude? The fact that she basically told me she was prioritising cleaning for other people over visiting me. I’d have preferred it if she’d have told me a white lie than that.

Or am I over reacting? She has form for being unreliable but not normally like this.

It’s not like she has a giant dirty house or horrible family or anything that actually requires a full day cleaning prep

And i'd tidied up for her 😡

OP posts:
JudithHarper · 08/10/2022 18:46

You are not being unreasonable. Fancy not putting 'your highness' on the end of her message.

Why should your friends life revolve around you?

MintJulia · 08/10/2022 18:46

If her family have announced they're arriving, uninvited and her flat is a tip, I can see why she'd want to get things straight. You could offer to go and help, take a couple of pizzas and a bottle of wine.

With two of you, it'd be finished quicker....

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/10/2022 18:47

Oh yes not rude. I guess as her friend she thought you'd understand

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girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 18:48

JudithHarper · 08/10/2022 18:46

You are not being unreasonable. Fancy not putting 'your highness' on the end of her message.

Why should your friends life revolve around you?

It's not about her life revolving around the OP. They had plans and she cancelled on the day.

Watchkeys · 08/10/2022 18:49

There's no overarching authority on what's offensive and what's not. If you're offended, it's offensive, to you.

It's like asking 'Is broccoli better than beans?' Everyone will have a different answer.

CheezePleeze · 08/10/2022 18:49

It's fair enough, at least she was honest and it's not up to you to decide whether her house is clean enough, only she can decide that.

VerbenaGirl · 08/10/2022 18:49

That’s a shit reason for cancelling.

bananaboats · 08/10/2022 18:52

I wouldn't be offended I'd rather someone was honest.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 08/10/2022 18:53

I wouldn't find it offensive. I expect your friend assumed you'd understand her need to tidy round for an unexpected invasion by family. Understand and sympathise. You could ask if she needs a hand, perhaps.

Rainbowcat99 · 08/10/2022 18:54

JudithHarper · 08/10/2022 18:46

You are not being unreasonable. Fancy not putting 'your highness' on the end of her message.

Why should your friends life revolve around you?

What a weird response!
The op's friend has already made an arrangement with her so it's not like the op is expecting her friend to drop everything at a moment's notice.

Yes op I'd find this a bit hurtful, it's perhaps a reason to be a little bit late or want to keep it reasonably short but to cancel all together to clean would suggest that she wasn't that keen on meeting up in the first place.

achangeisafoot · 08/10/2022 18:56

I would take it as compliment myself, that she felt open enough to be honest with me especially when she had felt she needed to spend a whole day tidying for her family (which suggests she feels less comfortable around them) I would only be that honest with someone I really felt secure with

AutumnalCosyness · 08/10/2022 18:57

Watchkeys · 08/10/2022 18:49

There's no overarching authority on what's offensive and what's not. If you're offended, it's offensive, to you.

It's like asking 'Is broccoli better than beans?' Everyone will have a different answer.

Well yes. But if we all spend our lives seeking to take offence whenever possible, life can get a little tedious.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 08/10/2022 18:58

Nope, I wouldn't find that offensive!

I'd just ask if she like me to come over & help or to clean the insides if the windows, haul the kids toys up to their rooms, whatever I know that particular friend would appreciate.

thankfulky my friends & I are close enough that it would take a fuck load more than that to be offended!

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 08/10/2022 18:58

achangeisafoot · 08/10/2022 18:56

I would take it as compliment myself, that she felt open enough to be honest with me especially when she had felt she needed to spend a whole day tidying for her family (which suggests she feels less comfortable around them) I would only be that honest with someone I really felt secure with

Yep!!

Watchkeys · 08/10/2022 19:00

AutumnalCosyness · 08/10/2022 18:57

Well yes. But if we all spend our lives seeking to take offence whenever possible, life can get a little tedious.

Show quote history

Don't get your point? Nobody suggested anybody take offence more? Or are you suggesting that OP has looked for a way to be offended, and decided on this?

Vegay · 08/10/2022 19:01

I wouldn't be offended, plus you've cleaned your house - win.

Hindsightin · 08/10/2022 19:02

😂 at people who think you should go around and clean her house for her 😂

her inability to say no to her family or to have to see clean for her family is a pretty crap reason to cancel
something pre arranged with you

its not a fab thing that she’s “so comfortable” with you thst she doesn’t give a crap about your plans

mn does tend to relishing in female martyrdom

LadyApplejack · 08/10/2022 19:05

I'd say annoying, not offensive.

Depends I think how much you get together. If it's regularly, then surely it's a positive reflection on your friendship that she can put you off and be honest about it. If she flakes more often than not then I'd be more put out.

tickticksnooze · 08/10/2022 19:06

Disappointing, yes. Offensive, no.

Watchkeys · 08/10/2022 19:08

her inability to say no to her family or to have to see clean for her family is a pretty crap reason to cancel
something pre arranged with you

Not necessarily. If she's been telling them for 5 years that she wants them to visit her, and they've finally bought tickets and are only around for a few hours, it'd be really hard to say no, and you'd expect a friend to understand an occasional last minute thing. And it's not martyrdom to offer a friend a hand with an unexpected job.

Context is the thing here. She has form for unreliability, so, to OP, this looks like a shit last minute excuse, which it may be. But that doesn't make comments suggesting other situations risible.

Discovereads · 08/10/2022 19:08

Would you find this reason for cancelling offensive?

No, no I would not.

JudithHarper · 08/10/2022 19:10

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 18:48

It's not about her life revolving around the OP. They had plans and she cancelled on the day.

Show quote history

Yeah, cancelled for her family. Many people place family higher than friends.

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/10/2022 19:11

YANBU

Your friend us very poor manners.

notacooldad · 08/10/2022 19:14

Why on earth would I be offended.
seriously some people need to get a life,
Id just say ‘ no problem, shall we try for Tuesday instead? Hope the visit goes well’ and then and go and do something else in the time we were supposed to meet.
it’s not a big deal, meet up another day, do something else, nobody was hurt.🤷‍♀️

Mrsuntidy · 08/10/2022 19:18

Meh. Totally get where she is coming from. Wouldn't be offended. Would laugh and say poor you! Hope you get it done.