Would you find this reason for cancelling offensive?

[swaytunes]

Friend was supposed to come over this afternoon but messaged me at lunch time to say she couldn’t because her family are now visiting her tomorrow so she "would need to stay in and clean"

Is it just me or would you find this really rude? The fact that she basically told me she was prioritising cleaning for other people over visiting me. I’d have preferred it if she’d have told me a white lie than that.

Or am I over reacting? She has form for being unreliable but not normally like this.

It’s not like she has a giant dirty house or horrible family or anything that actually requires a full day cleaning prep

And i'd tidied up for her 😡

It sounds like she has some pressure from family members to present a perfect home. I'd feel quite sorry for her, maybe it triggering for her or certain family people are negative/ put her down if things aren't spotless. Poor woman

Some posters just LIVE to be first with a ridiculous catty comment. It's hardly her life "revolving" - they had made a fucking arrangement to meet up!!

@JudithHarper she didn't cancel to see family. She cancelled to clean before her family come.

Did she offer to reschedule? I'd be pissed off it was cancelled but not sure that's the same thing as offended. And I'd expect a rescheduling date offered .

I’d be pissed off. On the plus side she told the truth but my friends come before cleaning up. Especially as she doesn’t have a house that’s in a real state. I have a friend that does this. We are both retired. Both single and can both please ourself as to how we spend time. She will cancel because she’s packing to go away, a week before she is due to go. She will keep the whole day clear because she always does her hair/shower at a certain time of day. Totally can’t be flexible. It does my head in sometimes as I’d just pack in the evening or shower at a different time and not flake out on my friends. I think some people just don’t can be a bit blinkered and not think that cancelling to do the cleaning could be seen as making the other person feel like they don’t matter that much.

I wouldn't be impressed if someone cancelled our plans on the day. She's shown you were you are in her mental pecking order.

I might be a bit bummed about the cancelled plans but I wouldn't be offended and I would understand.

Day before my family turn up and I know I'm cleaning top to bottom!

Hilarious first response: someone has made you feel a bit shit but never mind, MN will make you feel even shitter.

I don’t go looking for things to be offended or upset about, some things just are, a bit. Weeping and sobbing and shaking? No. Just a slight disgruntled feeling - yes.

Well you tidied your home?

At least she was honest- I don’t think it’s that bad- annoying but it’s not the crime of the century. You could’ve offered to help maybe?

Some people are just clumsy with etiquette. I have had a friend cancel because she wanted to stay home and shred documents. I wasn’t offended because she has a chip missing in terms of deciphering between honesty and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. I know her well enough to know her intentions are good.

As someone with a mum who has OCD, I definitely would need to cancel to clean if my mum announced she was going to come over. Although would probably say meet for a quick coffee instead? Or invite you over for a coffee and chat as I clean. I totally get why someone needs to clean for a family member but doesn’t necessarily need to cancel.

Yep you are not worth "wasting the time" to be with today.

It seems unlikely that cleaning or tidying could not have been done tonight during masked dancer. Or getting up early tomorrow..

'Offensive'? Good grief.

Annoying yes (although I would totally understand anyway), but hardly offensive.

Rude and flakey.

I wouldn't be offended but I'd be pissed off.

I'm not sure I'd have the energy or inclination to get worked up about this to be honest.

I'm sure she regrets that it's the case you won't meet as planned but if it needs to be done and it's something that's bothering her in advance of their visit, which it clearly is, then i'd just tell her I understood completely and let me know if she needs a hand with it.

Why people feel a need to make every little thing others say or do a deeply personal slight or decide it's a clear message about how important they 'really' are to them or where they are in a pecking order, without ever even discussing it with said person, is a shame really. If the friend has form or isn't supportive or a positive person to have around in other ways then that's one thing, otherwise why hurt your own feelings analysing it.

No one is born with the right to not be offended.
On the plus side, you have a nice tidy house.

She's shown you were you are in her mental pecking order
Nowt wrong with that.
Also pecking orders aren't static, they change according to circumstance.
Another time the friend may cancel something because Op is prioritized.

Nope, I would not be offended, unless we were meeting for a huge important reason (like I needed to talk about a dire family situation and she was coming over specifically to be a shoulder to cry on). She knows her family, she knows her house, she knows how much time she has - I'd respect her decision and know that she'd prioritise me if I needed it.

It's not offensive- I'd assume she was panicking about the visit and felt she needed to have her home cleaned to a certain standard. She's not tidying for the relatives, she's tidying for herself so she feels prepared for the visit. She's stressed and was honest with you. She must see you as a good friend.

Yeah I would be pissed off actually. She surely doesn’t need a whole day to clean, or could have told her family the timing didn’t work. The point is she’s deprioritising you, she should be much more apologetic.

I wouldn't find this offensive at all. I think id just enjoy my nice tidy home and do something else instead.

Because I’ve got ocd and my friends know what I’m like with the house needing to sit like a show home they wouldn’t bat an eyelid or be bothered at all if I done this and equally I would totally understand if they done it too. I don’t know why your so offended

Honestly I would assume she has a difficult family who are prone to criticizing her and feel sorry for her

I’d consider she thought you liked her enough so She considered she thought she could be honest with you as lots of folks get anxiety about this. She got that wrong totally didn’t she.

I think I'd have understood if she'd said she couldn't stay long because she had to prepare for family visiting the following day, but to cancel your arrangement completely is a bit inconsiderate.