Would you find this reason for cancelling offensive?

[swaytunes]

Friend was supposed to come over this afternoon but messaged me at lunch time to say she couldn’t because her family are now visiting her tomorrow so she "would need to stay in and clean"

Is it just me or would you find this really rude? The fact that she basically told me she was prioritising cleaning for other people over visiting me. I’d have preferred it if she’d have told me a white lie than that.

Or am I over reacting? She has form for being unreliable but not normally like this.

It’s not like she has a giant dirty house or horrible family or anything that actually requires a full day cleaning prep

And i'd tidied up for her 😡

I think that's a perfectly good reason. If you're working the entire week, things can get away from you. People, especially family can be judgy so I don't think her reason was wrong.

That’s so crap. I’d be really annoyed off. If you make an arrangement you stick to it, end of. You never know how much the other person might be looking forward to it or how you might make them feel if you cancel. I’m shocked by people saying it’s ok.

If someone did that to me. I’d view them in a very different light after that..it’s selfish.

I think there’s no point in being offended or thinking a cancellation is rude because one day you any be the one that needs t cancel. Your reason may be important t you but seem flimsy to others.
As long as friend isn’t cancelling more than she’s showing up I would let it go.

Can't stand people who cancel last minute. If something serious had happened, sure. But she can't spare a couple hours? How messy is her house? And it's family dropping in, if you can't be you in front of your family - yikes.
Along with the 'I'll let you know' answer, it is incredibly annoying. If I invite a friend to lunch, then I'VE been cleaning, getting nice food in, making an effort. I expect the to respect that and honour the commitment.

I wouldn't be offended...that she'd told me the truth! Blimey...you'd rather she actually lied? 🤣🤦‍♀️

And yep!! I'd absolutely have to stay in and clean my house if my family had sprung a visit on me 😱 No way would my usual slovenliness be acceptable to visitors 🤣

I would assume that “I need to clean my house” was an excuse because she just couldn’t be bothered to meet up. I don’t believe for a second this was her “being honest” as some posters said. She wanted a reason not to meet up and this was the first thing which came to mind.

A couple of months ago a friend cancelled meeting up with me for lunch a week in advance because “I went climbing at the weekend and I’m really tired.” Really? You know you’re going to be tired a week from now? Okayyyy. Pathetic excuse and I won’t bother making plans with him again.

YABU

Agreed 100%.

I think she was honest. You must be a very good friend. I understand her fully. Wish her luck and rearrange.

I guess it depends what the plans were. if it was just a casual house call for a cup of tea and some biscuits then fine. Of course getting organised for a surprise family visit is more important. If you had dinner booked or tickets bought, a visit to the last day of an exhibition planned then yes I'd be a bit annoyed.

I actually understand this. I have a few friends where this would be an acceptable reason to cancel but only because we all know what our mothers are like. It all depends on the friendship

Is there any reason to be so rude and sarky?

Or perhaps you thought you were being witty?

Well you tidied for her visit, how can you be upset that she feels the need to do the same for family. Also its really odd that you would prefer to be lied to.

To answer the question, I might be a bit disappointed but I wouldn't be offended.
I presume it was just something casual like meeting for coffee, not something pre booked like a theatre or exhibition?

I don't think I would use the term 'offensive' , but I think it's rude and would be an indication for me of where I am on her priority list. If it was me I would have prioritised my prior engagement with you, but in reality if my family drop by then they take me as they find me (ie house a tip!).

Shit reason to cancel. She could have said she'd have to come later / leave earlier than planned but cancelling altogether is rude.

She is not prioritising “people” though, she is prioritising her family which is reasonable.

Sounds like your friend was visiting for a mid afternoon catch-up, as you said she called after lunch so other than tidying up yourself it doesn’t sound like you’ve wasted time or money on meal prep or similar.

I’d be disappointed by the cancellation but the reason is very valid, so wouldn’t be offended. Just because you don’t think her house needs cleaning doesn’t mean it’s important to her!

I wouldn't be offended but I would bit annoyed. How much so would depend on which friend was cancelling.

I think if it's a close pal you see pretty regularly and she doesn't see her family that often, then I'd understand, even though it's annoying.

If it's something planned for a long time and someone rarely seen, I'd be more upset than offended.

But at the end of the day, she has made a priority call and it wasn't you and that's a bit shit.

It’s really rubbish. There’s no reason she couldn’t have still come and then cleaned and tidied during the evening. It can’t possibly take a whole day.

it is not offensive
i dont understand how anyone would take offense.

if she is your friend you should show more understanding imo

you dont know how messy people's houses get!

I'd be pissed off. It's showing a lack of value for the OP's time - she has set aside an afternoon to meet this friend, when presumably she could have been doing something else. It's not okay to waste other people's time and to let them down at the last minute.

I think it's rude.

Apparently I'm in a minority, but if you've made plans with someone you should (IMO) be aware that the other person has probably declined other offers or rearranged commitments and put in preparation (whether tidied and bought food specially or bought tickets/ made reservations).