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Original poster

Do you let your kids swear?

57 replies

virgo234 · 08/10/2022 13:59

Just read an article about a woman on social media saying that she lets her children swear. According to her, "They know when they can swear, how they can swear and who they can swear around" and now it's got me interested in how many other parents share this view.

Personally, I know my kids may swear outside the house with their friends, but they know they are not allowed to swear at home and when talking to me and DH. I have also never dared to swear in front of my parents. I think I see it as a respect thing.

OP posts:
YourLipsMyLips · 08/10/2022 14:03

Yeah, I do. I've always been of the mindset that they're just words, and words that are used very commonly at that.

As long as they don't use them to hurt feelings or in anger, and they use them carefully (ie not at school, etc) I'm not overly bothered.

AngryAndUnapologetic · 08/10/2022 14:07

My children are still quite small (oldest is 7) but this is already on my radar. I don't filter my playlists so they hear swearing in songs sometimes. Oldest sings along but is aware that she shouldn't sing these songs in front of other children. My 7 and 5 year olds know some words are swear words (though they also think some words are swear words that definitely aren't!) There has already been one or two chats among neighbours about certain kids teaching others swear words (not mine, thankfully! But this is where mine have picked some up).

I think my approach will be to teach them that it's all about your audience. So if your peer group swears, that's one thing, but you still wouldn't swear in front of a teacher/grandparent etc. Swearing because you stub your toe is very different from swearing AT someone in anger.

I wasn't allowed to swear at all growing up, or even say things like bum or fart. My siblings and I all have terrible mouths now so clearly this approach didn't stop us! I do think swearing as part of conversation is very different from swearing in anger.

thirstyformore · 08/10/2022 14:08

My 13 year old will say the odd "that's shit", or "what a load of bollocks". My 9 year old will every so often try his luck with a minor swear word (with glee in his voice!), but I wouldn't permit the use of fuck or similar words at home.

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ChocAuVin · 08/10/2022 14:09

When my kids were younger I sat down with all of them and went through all the swear words I could think of: what they meant, where they originated, how offensive they may be perceived to be and why.

I let them know that I personally wouldn’t be offended by them choosing actively to use any such word in the right context, as long as it was a mindful choice – I also let them know that wider society often takes a dim view of people swearing in public, or using swear words like punctuation, as it signals a lack of imagination and potentially, a lack of understanding of basic courtesy and manners in public.

all grown up to be very respectful young adults. And we all like an occasional well-aimed sweary one-liner.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 08/10/2022 14:09

Ultimately, it's just language, so I accept swearing from my kids. Only in context though. So - dropped something on your toe or really super angry/excited? Swear away. Every day general chit chat - keep it pg, especially around grandparents and other children.

ChandlersDad · 08/10/2022 14:09

Yes, they can swear all they like! It’s about knowing your audience so never in front of a teacher or grandparent but other than that they’re just words 🤷‍♀️

warofthemonstertrucks · 08/10/2022 14:14

Mine are mid teens, it doesn't. IThe time and hasn't since they were about 13 ish I suppose. They hear it all the time, school, football and probably me at home to be fair. It's just words. It's how they're said, tone and intent that makes them offensive I think.

PeekAtYou · 08/10/2022 14:15

I allow it but they are teens and older. They were ask taught that if they get in trouble for swearing at school then I will support their teacher on that.

FWIW I think "Shit!" when you hurt yourself is very different to "You are a shit" and they know that swearing in front of young kids (primary school or younger) or adults you don't know is probably not a good idea.

I have also explained the idea of blasphemy. We aren't a religious family but they should know that some people might raise an eyebrow at things like FGS, OMG etc

MissingNashville · 08/10/2022 14:23

From about 13, they have sworn occasionally in front of us. We never made a big thing of it. It was usually when they were annoyed/upset, something like ‘she’s a bitch’ about some horrible bully girl at school or ‘he’s talks bollocks’ when the head of year has said something that is actually bollocks.

They’re both sensible, ones now and adult, and to be honest, when they swear, it’s about things I would swear about too. It was never something we discussed or said no to. They just started using it at ‘appropriate times’. 😅

I was slightly shocked when my then 15 year old son called someone a cunt to me, but after hearing what this boy had done to a girl, I had to agree with him. None of us swear very much though.

VisitingThem · 08/10/2022 14:25

I wouldn't let my son swear but he is 5, would feel different about teens.

I'm on a lot gentle/attachment parenting groups and there is def a trend for allowing young kids to swear as its 'just words', I think its another thing middle class people can get away with, like scruffy looking kids or buying secondhand. That would be looked on differently for other classes.

JenniferWooley · 08/10/2022 14:27

DD's are adults so can make their own decisions but they'd never swear in front of their grandparents, aunts, uncles or smaller cousins etc.

I'm sure DS(14) swears when he's not with me & I've heard the odd swear word slip out but again he's aware it's not appropriate in front of grandparents etc.

I'm a prolific swearer as are most of my family (but we all know when it's not appropriate) & where I live we use the c word as a term of endearment.

Imissmoominmama · 08/10/2022 14:28

They didn’t swear when they were younger because they weren’t around people who did.

Now they’re older, we all swear with gay abandon.

SoupDragon · 08/10/2022 14:31

mine had a scale. They were allowed to swear with their peers (obviously) and were never ever ever to swear in front of their grandparents. Parents, teachers and other adults fitted in between, pretty much in that order.

there is nothing wrong with swearing in the right place IMO, it's a matter of knowing what is appropriate language for the people/situation.

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 08/10/2022 14:36

I'm not a huge swearer so mine didn't hear me swearing. Unless I fell over or something, then they got excited that I'd said a rude word. 😂

Now they are mostly adults, and don't swear much in front of me. I guess what they've learned from me is that swearing is not for everyday language, it's for when you're hurt (I am very clumsy, so they've heard quite a few fucks or shits when I've hurt myself yet again)

I never censored music either, so they've heard swearing that way (funny memories of my now 23 yo's favourite song at 7 being Teenagers by My Chemical Romance just because it has the word "shit" in it)

Blanketpolicy · 08/10/2022 14:47

Of course ds(18) swears with his peers, or at the football etc. But he has never sworn in front of me and not to my knowledge any other adult inappropriately (family, teachers etc).

We rarely swear at home, the odd shit/oh fuck/fucks sake comes out (mostly me) but never dropped into general conversation, never directed at anyone and no extreme swearing such as cunt/prick etc. I don't actually ever remember telling him not to swear at home, he just never has, probably because of the example set in our family and extended family, it is just not the norm for us.

MissingNashville · 08/10/2022 14:57

Blanketpolicy · 08/10/2022 14:47

Of course ds(18) swears with his peers, or at the football etc. But he has never sworn in front of me and not to my knowledge any other adult inappropriately (family, teachers etc).

We rarely swear at home, the odd shit/oh fuck/fucks sake comes out (mostly me) but never dropped into general conversation, never directed at anyone and no extreme swearing such as cunt/prick etc. I don't actually ever remember telling him not to swear at home, he just never has, probably because of the example set in our family and extended family, it is just not the norm for us.

I know cunt is classed as very bad by some people but but I didn’t realise prick was.

Not that there’s exactly any nice swear words. 😂

NumberTheory · 08/10/2022 15:00

I talk about appropriate language in appropriate situations. I make the point that if they swear in front of their friend’s parents they will probably be less welcome in those homes and if they swear at school in front of teachers they’ll get told off. So it needs to not be a habit they don’t realise they’re doing.

They still think I think I disapprove of swearing in general because I don’t swear around them. I’ve never once told them off for it, I’ve even said I don’t mind. But they have absorbed the message they shouldn’t swear around adults, and for the most part they don’t.

Backtoreality22 · 08/10/2022 15:04

My teenagers do swear and I hate it. I don’t like them openly swearing in anger or just chatting. I recognise it’s a different era so I feel like I am fighting a losing battle by telling them off and trying to get them to stop. I still don’t swear in front of my parents (apart from the mildest swear words!)

ToastedEnglishMuffin · 08/10/2022 15:06

As much as possible, no.

PhillySub · 08/10/2022 15:18

To me its about respect. If children are brought up to have a wide vocabulary rather than to take a short cut to swearing it can only be good for them in later life. The use of bad language in everyday life is becoming more prevalent surely we can teach our children better standards of behaviour.

Mentalpiece · 08/10/2022 15:44

No, I never allowed it within my earshot. They weren't brought up in a family that swears.
They're adults now and they still daren't swear in front of me 😂

Etinoxaurus · 08/10/2022 15:56

The family WhatsApp group is peppered with deleted messages and “sorry granny!”
Not a sweary family until they left home but they’re like a bunch of dockers now 😂
Funnily enough I have a houseguest atm, foreign but fluent but he’s somehow missed the memo that fuck and cunt are not everyday words 🤷🏻‍♀️

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 08/10/2022 15:59

Yes. So long as they’re not swearing at somebody, I don’t really care.

They don’t though. I guess they might outside the house but they genuinely don’t despite me and DH being quite potty mouthed!

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 08/10/2022 16:01

Doesn't bother me as long as they're not swearing at people. So "that's a load of shit" is fine. "You are shit" isn't.
I don't allow name calling and I hate the word idiot.
Apart from that it's just language, I'm quite sweaty myself.

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 08/10/2022 16:01

Sweary not sweaty 😂 unless it's very hot!