MIL wont wash her hands

[Pink3489]

Hi all,

How would you approach this? My MIL wont wash her hands after using the bathroom at mine. I'm a bit uptight when it comes to germs so this bothers me. I dont want to offend or embarrass her. What do you think I should do?

Exactly. I don't think anyone has said washing hands after going to the toilet is unnecessary or not what they would expect other people to do. Washing your hands just because you've been outside is not the same.

Saying you don't know what to say when confronted with a completely normal situation it weirdly over-dramatic.

I mean, you could just use hand cream, but I don’t actually believe you. 🤷🏽‍♀️ If this were actually the case, you would have said so about four posts ago. You didn’t. Hyper mobility, site visits and hiking came up, but not the actual answer to the question I was asking. How very curious.

I don’t think there’s much else to be said.

The fact that it ‘doesn’t occur to you’ to wash your hands after two years of nonstop messaging about it is not ‘completely normal’ and yes, I don’t know what to say to that. Nothing dramatic about it.

I’m honestly just going to leave you and @Cheeselog to it. Arguing with adults who are adamantly defending their right to be grubby is quite unpleasant.

OK, have a good evening. I'll just be here cheerfully sitting around in a normal level of cleanliness 😂

Up too about seven years ago I only washed my hands after using the toilet or dealing with the cats litter tray. I then had a period of catching every bug going and I was wiped out. In trying to avoid picking up more illnesses I made an effort to wash my hands much more regularly - mainly after coming home from being out. Also before eating when at work or when out. Also got in the habit of using my sleeve to protect my hand when using door handles etc. Made a huge impact and went years between bugs.

I mean, I also had a facepalm moment when I realised it was bleeding obvious, but I was also brought up that hand washing was only really necessary when your hands were visibly dirty. I wonder if todays versions of common illnesses today are much more transmissible by surfaces than 50+ years ago. Our immune systems copied with them better? Norovirus was not a thing when I was a kid for example.

*Or our immune systems coped with them better.

@Cheeselog Please elaborate!

On the Reading thing I mean

"Viking Signs MH196-A5P-V"In The Interest Of Hygiene Please Wash Your Hands After Visiting The Toilet" Sign, Vinyl, 200 mm H x 150 mm W : Amazon.co.uk: DIY & Tools" www.amazon.co.uk/Viking-Signs-MH196-A5P-V-Interest-Visiting/dp/B003SYA8RK/ref=asc_df_B003SYA8RK/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=214554455892&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5926082543363757695&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007423&hvtargid=pla-420346871190&psc=1&th=1&psc=1

Signage???

As it’s an extremely common issue I thought you could work out for yourself that frequent washing can damage the skin, but here is a picture I just took of my hand for you.

It’s not too bad right now since we aren’t into winter but you can see the first knuckle is cracked and inflamed. I do use hand cream but that’s not a substitute for just not damaging the skin in the first place.

Cheeselog is the Reading word for woodlouse!

@Cheeselog , what do you use to wash your hands? I find that always using rubber/vinyl gloves for wet or dirty tasks, and using soap not handwash helps enormously, and some handcreams are best avoided

I’m not sure what you think this shows, tbh. Your hand looks fine.

Definitely get a fancy handwash and point out to her its there just for her. If it continues Husband will have to tackle her.

I don't generally hang about listening when someone uses my loo. So would have no idea if they washed their hands or not.

@Cherchezlaspice I’m 27…

@KirstenBlest Faith in Nature handwash, which isn’t too bad. The soap at my office is like acid! And for hand cream I use the Superdrug version of E45. DP does the washing up 😁

Quite a lot of the responses on here step over the line of how entitled you are to control or insult your MIL.
If you are about to have a baby she is likely to be someone you want on side. Best to keep it proportional and limit any comments to interaction with the baby (totally fair).

You need a nice candle in the bathroom.

Maybe she washes them first?

My mum didn’t wash her hands, she rarely bathed and never showered. It was weird and I’m talking at least 20 years before any age related decline.

She even had a right cob on when DD1 was in NICU and she came to visit her. There was a rigorous handwashing and sanitising routine that all the parents on the ward got raw knuckles from. My mum tried to protest that she’d already washed her hands and they were clean. For once I insisted and literally stood over her doing it because she’d happily lie. I didn’t usually pass comment because she was hyper-sensitive to criticism.

The awful thing was it made me less tactile with her which is a shame and I think she noticed, but she did smell funky close up. Oh dear.

In your shoes I’d fudge it in real life so as not to cause a row but if she was offering to help prep food or set the table, I’d immediately wash my hands at the sink and then move aside saying soap’s in your right. If she said they’re clean I’d say, Oh but we always wash our hands after the toilet and before handling food don’t we [child’s name] with theatrical eyebrow waggling at MIL, like the craven coward I am MOST of the time 😂

Just seen you’re only expecting your first. Definitely go down the “Midwife says…” route and if she argues prep your DH to say it’s same rules for everyone mum, before they hold or touch the baby.

She’ll doubtless think you neurotic but then that’s expected of new parents so who cares.

I think they are like the 19th century surgeons who thought a gentleman’s hands are always clean … and consequently passed puerperal fever on from woman to woman leading to huge maternal mortality rates in infirmaries.

I reckon mum thought she was a lady, a posh glamorous lady, so it was rude and outrageous to suggest her delicate lady-hands were unclean despite only seeing water when she washed up her mugs and ashtrays.

My mum had a lot of amazing qualities and was a loving and generous mother but she didn’t half have her oddities.

My mum was a nurse too and we always washed our hands when we came in from being outside, especially if we had been touching money. This was drilled into me growing up. I have been surprised at how grubby some people are. I've noticed people not washing their hands after changing a nappy and I've noticed that hardly anyone washes their hands before preparing food. I dont think I could prepare something without washing mine, even if I tried! My hands would involuntarily drag themselves to the sink!

Good Idea about anti bacterial gel.
Or spray.

Have it right by you and just offer it before anyone touches the baby

Your hand literally looks the same as every other ‘normal’ hand 😂 the way you’re so adamantly against hand washing made me think you were going to have some mad cracked, bleeding open sores all over your hand but come on, you’re just making excuses not to wash your hands now 😂 (which is absolutely GRIM btw).