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Original poster

Friend turning 60 and we can't mention her age

62 replies

haveyourcakeandeatit · 04/10/2022 18:31

Good friend of ours is turning 60 soon, she has invited us to her meal but has stipulated that no birthday cards or balloons with 60 on cannot be given, also we cannot mention of her age.

Bit odd I think, especially as she wants to celebrate it but each to their own I guess?

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 04/10/2022 20:26

A friend of mine sent me Happy 50th bday balloons and they rubbed me the wrong way. I realize that I hated turning 50 and I'm definitely not gonna be happy to turn 60, so I wouldn't want anyone to know my age either.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/10/2022 20:30

I had a 60th birthday party without balloons. I didn't ask not to have them it never occurred me that anyone would to be honest. I think they're a bit tacky but I wasn't ashamed of being 60. As someone else said I'm lucky to reach that age (and I'm now nearer 70).

J0y · 04/10/2022 20:34

haveyourcakeandeatit · 04/10/2022 19:40

Thanks for the reply's.
I'm guessing here, but she's single, never married and has a son in his 20's so perhaps she's unhappy deep down. So yes she's perfectly entitled to request whatever she wants, I can't help but think about the people who don't make it to their 30th let alone 60th.

Just go along with what she wants.
You're guessing she's unhappy because she is single? Bit of a reach.

I sometimes feel self conscious on big birthdays but by 31, 41, 51 im in total acceptance. If any of you are turning 60 next year, include her in the celebration of 60 when she's ready.

sweetkitty · 04/10/2022 20:41

Both my MIL/SIL were/are like this.

When MIL turned 60 she actually put happy 60 cards in the bin wouldn’t display them. We bought a Happy 60th helium balloon for DD1 to give her, DD1 was only 4 and delighted to present her Gran with it. MIL wouldn’t come on the house until we got rid of it. The irony is she died at 62 and SIL put 62 on her coffin which she would have hated.

SIL had always had a thing about her age too, she has went crazier approaching 50, exercise crazy, fad diets, no celebrating. She would always try to take the kick out of DH for aging which I found odd as she’s 3 years older than him. I also remember once when DH turned 45 we were having a get together and I made a joke about being the only one in my early 40s and she quipped “but at least I’m healthy I don’t take as much as a paracetamol as a dig at my chronic illness” which was really off but that’s how touchy she was about her age.

I’m the opposite I tell everyone my age I’m already planning my 50th I had a good friend die at 37 it makes you re-evaluate life.

Iwasnotmadeforthistypeoflife · 04/10/2022 20:47

How ridiculous and frankly it makes me angry. So many people never manage to reach that age. They would love to have 60th

mondaytosunday · 04/10/2022 20:49

I turned 60 this year. I certainly did not appreciate the one card with 60 on it - why when there are plenty of happy birthday cards without the number?
Everyone knew my age. It wasn't that, just don't need to be reminded thanks.

reigatecastle · 04/10/2022 20:56

Neolara · 04/10/2022 19:20

It's not that odd. I was completely horrified to turn 50. So we're some of my friends.

Yes, me too. I kept it very quiet!

Original poster
haveyourcakeandeatit · 04/10/2022 21:05

sweetkitty · 04/10/2022 20:41

Both my MIL/SIL were/are like this.

When MIL turned 60 she actually put happy 60 cards in the bin wouldn’t display them. We bought a Happy 60th helium balloon for DD1 to give her, DD1 was only 4 and delighted to present her Gran with it. MIL wouldn’t come on the house until we got rid of it. The irony is she died at 62 and SIL put 62 on her coffin which she would have hated.

SIL had always had a thing about her age too, she has went crazier approaching 50, exercise crazy, fad diets, no celebrating. She would always try to take the kick out of DH for aging which I found odd as she’s 3 years older than him. I also remember once when DH turned 45 we were having a get together and I made a joke about being the only one in my early 40s and she quipped “but at least I’m healthy I don’t take as much as a paracetamol as a dig at my chronic illness” which was really off but that’s how touchy she was about her age.

I’m the opposite I tell everyone my age I’m already planning my 50th I had a good friend die at 37 it makes you re-evaluate life.

Wow they both sound like a handful! I'm 43 and couldn't give a toss about my age.

OP posts:
Cameleongirl · 04/10/2022 21:38

@sweetkitty It’s my SIL (now 55) who’s weird about her age in our family. She’s the oldest sibling, but doesn’t want to be anymore. 😂

Mariposista · 04/10/2022 22:47

Ughh it was like this with my ex boyfriend's mum turning 50. She made such a huge OTT fuss.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 04/10/2022 22:58

haveyourcakeandeatit · 04/10/2022 21:05

Wow they both sound like a handful! I'm 43 and couldn't give a toss about my age.

Show quote history

It’s easy to not give a toss when you’re only 43. Twenty or thirty years later though and it’s a whole different ballgame. 😀

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 04/10/2022 23:01

Do they have a reason, such as a relative dying early? My MiL was very weird about it because her DM died at 63 and she felt very aware that she might not have 'long left' due to that.

EmmaH2022 · 04/10/2022 23:04

My sister was the same on her 50th

we had a great time.

Ragwort · 04/10/2022 23:07

She sounds rather self indulgent... who cares? I met up with a friend from nursery school today Grin we met when we were 4 ... we will both be 65 next birthday... and my DM joined us - she is 90 . We had a fabulous lunch out and enjoyed each other's company .... meanwhile my DH spent time with his terminally ill friend who won't reach his 60th birthday ... puts things into perspective doesn't it?

Blossomtoes · 04/10/2022 23:11

mondaytosunday · 04/10/2022 20:49

I turned 60 this year. I certainly did not appreciate the one card with 60 on it - why when there are plenty of happy birthday cards without the number?
Everyone knew my age. It wasn't that, just don't need to be reminded thanks.

This. Fortunately nobody was misguided enough to send me a card with 60 on it. I’m 70 next year and don’t need it rubbing in, after all I’m hardly likely to forget it.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/10/2022 23:18

Get her a 'happy 70th' balloon instead

Ouch!!

That reminds me of the old PA comment "Really, you do NOT look [your age] at all.... you probably did a decade or so ago, though!" Shock

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/10/2022 23:23

Surely it makes more actual sense to over-claim your age rather than under, doesn't it? Then, everybody compliments you on how well you look for an age 10 years older than you actually are and it takes off all the pressure!

This seems a perfect place for a shameless link to one of the best songs ever written:

LadyVictoriaSponge · 04/10/2022 23:33

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 04/10/2022 22:58

It’s easy to not give a toss when you’re only 43. Twenty or thirty years later though and it’s a whole different ballgame. 😀

Show quote history

Yes this, you might look back in 17 years remembering this thread and be able to empathise with your friend, it’s very easy not to give a toss about your age when you are only 43.

Catonthedesk · 04/10/2022 23:45

Surely it makes more actual sense to over-claim your age rather than under, doesn't it? Then, everybody compliments you on how well you look for an age 10 years older than you actually are and it takes off all the pressure!

The horror if they didn't compliment you though! 😂

Arenanewbie · 04/10/2022 23:58

I can’t see a problem with her wish, there are plenty of cards and balloons without numbers. People feel differently about milestones, it feels a bit like pressure to achieve certain things and evaluate your life and not all of us are happy about this. She might be absolutely fine with numbers in a future, it’s just now she doesn’t feel comfortable with focusing on them. I have a relative like this. She took 50th birthday really hard but by 60th was absolutely fine.

I think it's easier to embrace your age if you are where you want to be in life.
I really like this thought, how very true.

Cameleongirl · 05/10/2022 00:41

Ragwort · 04/10/2022 23:07

She sounds rather self indulgent... who cares? I met up with a friend from nursery school today Grin we met when we were 4 ... we will both be 65 next birthday... and my DM joined us - she is 90 . We had a fabulous lunch out and enjoyed each other's company .... meanwhile my DH spent time with his terminally ill friend who won't reach his 60th birthday ... puts things into perspective doesn't it?

It does put things in perspective, @Ragwort. At 42, my Mum developed the chronic illness that eventually killed her so that birthday was a tough one for me as I was afraid something bad would happen that year. Happily it didn’t and I feel lucky to be healthy and hurtling towards 50. 🤞

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 05/10/2022 00:46

TwoWrightFeet · 04/10/2022 19:01

She seems hard work.

@TwoWrightFeet it seems 'hardwork' not to but TAT with 60 on it? Or to bang in about her being 60?

if you can manage that at 59, why is it such hardwork for you?

@haveyourcakeandeatit she wants to celebrate that it's her birthday, not how many she's already hat!

mustbetheseasonofthewitch · 05/10/2022 00:52

60 is a really loaded age. You'd have to have zero imagination or empathy oras well as zero awareness around societal views to women's aging to not be able to grasp that for some women this is a difficult number to embrace. I very much doubt it's because she's single!

J0y · 05/10/2022 07:16

Even in Jane Austen's day, being old and poor was the combination to avoid.

HideTheCroissants · 05/10/2022 13:37

mondaytosunday · 04/10/2022 20:49

I turned 60 this year. I certainly did not appreciate the one card with 60 on it - why when there are plenty of happy birthday cards without the number?
Everyone knew my age. It wasn't that, just don't need to be reminded thanks.

I’m looking forward to all the 60th cards in a few years. Living to sixty is something that many of my family and friends never got to do. It is still possible that I won’t but I’m damn well going to be thrilled to reach 60. (I’ll admit to not wanting balloons but that’s because I hate the environmental impact of them). Cards with 60, a cake with 60 - bring it on 😊. Just like my 50th!