Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Urgent need of a hand hold / unMN hug

691 replies

MumofSpud · 04/10/2022 15:06

I know there may be more specific sites to put this thread but I can't bring myself to go there
DH is in hospital with Leukaemia- and for the past few weeks has had a chest infection
Now he has 2 chest infections
I have been visiting x2 a day but not since Thursday as I got Covid (for the first time)
The Macmillan nurse has just rung asking me to do a test as the Dr wants to have an conversation' and it might be easier if I am there
Of course I am still testing positive
I tried to get details out of her but all she would say is that it is a serious conversation
Dr is due to ring me soon
I feel sick with nerves and so guilty that I am not there
He is 49
I really need a hand hold

OP posts:
Purplepeoniesdroppingpetals · 05/10/2022 00:05

Standing with you, mumofspud x

Nottogetapenny · 05/10/2022 00:08

You and your husband have touched the heart of strangers. We are with you, whenever you need a handhold or hug, day or night. Wishing you both strength so you can make more wonderful memories together. 😘🌸

SingingSands · 05/10/2022 00:12

Just keep loving each other every day.

We are all here for you behind the scenes. Flowers

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
Daisybuttercup12345 · 05/10/2022 00:14

Handhold and hugs xxxx

LearnerCook · 05/10/2022 00:19

I'm thinking of you, your husband and family tonight, OP. Hugs and love to you all.

VillaMia · 05/10/2022 00:39

Mumofspud, I am so, so sorry that you’ve received this devastating news.

I’ve been in that place and the kindness I found on MN was just incredible.

Please know that we’re here. Sending you the hugest, most un-MN hug ever xxxxx

Iwantmymilkback · 05/10/2022 00:43

Sending you hugs. 💐

Vecna · 05/10/2022 00:51

MumofSpud · 04/10/2022 19:24

Reading each and every post - it's helping
DC are here as well
DH is sleeping on and off
He started being all practical earlier which I couldn't listen to then he just said 'all those places we wanted to go to' (we love travelling and he was lucky enough to get free flights at work) and that broke me a bit.
But I know that so many people have their own experiences so we are not aloneTennis

Heart-wrenching. I'm so sorry 💐

AntiStars · 05/10/2022 01:18

Oh gosh, am so sorry to hear your update OP. I have no advice to offer but please accept my deepest sympathies and best wishes, your family will be in my thoughts. Sending hugs xx

follyfeet · 05/10/2022 01:24

I have no words that will benefit but i am human, so i can only send you my love and best wishes, as a complete stranger, to another human, in pain. I have been there, and i survived. It isn't a mark of strength, only determination. Yet that determination is something magical at the end of the day. Surround yourself with love, and love yourself more importantly.
the love we give to ourselves is the most pure. It resonates throughout and benefits everyone we care for. It starts here.

forgive everything, and accept. We have power in that only. It pays dividends in our hearts, as we move along. Much love OP x

ObjectionSustained · 05/10/2022 02:10

I'm so sorry to hear your awful news OP. I am right here with you. I've not much of use to offer, although I have experience of losing my mum not too long ago and this is what I can help with;

Allow yourself as much time as you need to come to terms with this. It's a huge shock and you need to be kind with yourself. Sit with each emotion as it comes, feel it, process it, know that it will pass and another feeling will come. Not all of them will hurt. I promise you.

Use the macmillan nurses, they're wonderful and are there for you and the children, as well as DH.

Take pictures, make scrapbooks, photo albums..

Take it step by step, hour by hour, day by day.

Plan what you can together but don't feel that you need to fill every day - just being together as a family is enough

There are no words that anyone can say to make it better, but I hope we can offer some comfort by being here for you.

My thoughts are with you, your DH and your family. Flowers

kateandme · 05/10/2022 03:29

Oh spud.I’ve seen your posts for a while.you hiding upstairs when your dd had her party rings a bell?
you’ve all been through so much.but what a family.
I know it might be to hard to think of now.but you mentioned travel,could you make a plan.is he well enough to do a sort of bucket list?
my friend is in stage 4 breast cancer and she is literally living her life 3 months at a time between treatments.and then the results and scan prognosis.
she has a great team who let her go away between chemo.she has also been helped by some great charities that pay for families with cancer to go away or have adventures.might this be something you’d all like to do?

kateandme · 05/10/2022 03:31

kateandme · 05/10/2022 03:29

Oh spud.I’ve seen your posts for a while.you hiding upstairs when your dd had her party rings a bell?
you’ve all been through so much.but what a family.
I know it might be to hard to think of now.but you mentioned travel,could you make a plan.is he well enough to do a sort of bucket list?
my friend is in stage 4 breast cancer and she is literally living her life 3 months at a time between treatments.and then the results and scan prognosis.
she has a great team who let her go away between chemo.she has also been helped by some great charities that pay for families with cancer to go away or have adventures.might this be something you’d all like to do?

Equally she says she’s never happier than just sitting and snuggling with her dh or family on the sofa.so don’t pressure yourselves to have to do it all.just be completely selfish and make this what’s best for you as a family.

HowVeryBizarre · 05/10/2022 06:58

Sending virtual hugs, life just isn’t fair sometimes.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 05/10/2022 12:38

That’s a good idea @kateandme , I hope beyond all hope that MrSpud will be well enough to do something like that.

newtb · 05/10/2022 18:08

Been thinking about you all day after seeing your post yesterday. So sorry the news wasn't good. Thinking of you.

Original poster
MumofSpud · 05/10/2022 23:04

Update: This morning the Palliative nurse said it would be weeks rather than months.
My lovely DH died this evening - he was away with the fairies all day then a big sigh at 6pm and he was gone
I was with him and DS arrived 15 secs later
It seemed v peaceful and I am so pleased I was there
His parents had arranged to fly in tomorrow but he went on his terms(I like to think)
Beyond devastated Sad

OP posts:
rageapplied · 05/10/2022 23:05

I am so so sorry.

Carla2601 · 05/10/2022 23:07

@MumofSpud im so so very sorry to read your update. Glad to hear he went on his own terms and that it was super peaceful but that doesn’t make it any easier for you or your family. Be kind to yourself - I hope you’re surrounded by love and support, which I’m sure you are as you sound like a wonderful family x

TrashyPanda · 05/10/2022 23:08

Oh my goodness.
i am so very sorry.

Emotionalmessy · 05/10/2022 23:09

I’m so sorry to read this OP - condolences to you and your family. This is heartbreaking news but I’m so glad you were with him. ❤️

BatshitBanshee · 05/10/2022 23:10

@MumofSpud I am so so sorry. It sounds like a peaceful passing and comforting to be with him, but still so devastating. Thinking of you xx

Foronenightonly01 · 05/10/2022 23:12

Oh @MumofSpud I am so truly truly sorry, though I know nothing will really make a difference. But please do know, there will be many of us thinking of you and your family tonight, tomorrow and a good while yet. I am so pleased you were there, so pleased you had your ds too and hope your dd wasn’t too far. 💐❤️

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 05/10/2022 23:14

I am so very sorry OP.

butterfliedtwo · 05/10/2022 23:16

My heart hurts for you and your family. Good that he went peacefully but obviously devastating. May you be surrounded by comfort and love at this time.