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Original poster

My son goes to uni tomorrow and I feel like I'm grieving.

65 replies

PlayItAsItLays · 30/09/2022 17:50

I thought I was okay about my son leaving for uni but a couple of nights ago I had an awful dream about him moving into halls and since then I've been a wreck. He's so happy and excited to be going and for that I'm really thankful. But I feel sick at the though of him being away and can't stop crying. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next few weeks or months.

I know there'll be a lot of parents on here who have dropped their kids off over the last few weeks. How are you coping?

OP posts:
buttons123456 · 30/09/2022 17:57

My daughter went 2 weeks ago and I cried for 3 days on and off and I never cry !

She has al sorts of problems with mental health and stuff but she is doing really well and I'm so happy for her ..

Trust me It will get easier when you know they are happy .

ATwirlADay · 30/09/2022 18:03

Keep in mind that the last 18 years have been about this - from teaching him to walk, talk, feed himself, dress himself, wipe his own bum, spend the night away from you happily, take the bus on his own, mange his own homework - it's all been about helping him to become a well adjusted, independent adult!

And well done you, you did it! 👏

it doesn't mean the end of your parenting journey believe me (parent of a final year student talking). You'll see him, you'll have lovely weekends with him in his Uni town, meet his friends, feel joyous about how much fun he's having. He'll come home for holidays, like a whirlwind landed on your house, dumped all the washing , the noise, the mess - and sucked all the food out your fridge! You might even feel glad to get a bit of peace when he goes off again.

He'll never stop being your firstborn.

Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 30/09/2022 20:23

Thanks to both of you for replying. It's helpful to think he'll be back and I think I need to focus on this rather than the fact he'll be away. Like your daughter buttons123456, my son's had a fair amount of mental health struggles this year. He's doing okay now and I'm sure he'll be fine at uni but it's been on my mind.

I thought the baby and toddler years were tough but this is equally so, just in a different way.

OP posts:
nowtygaffer · 30/09/2022 20:26

Hi OP, like you I was dreading my DS going. Especially those last few days before he went! It is actually easier when they've gone! Good luck. You'll be fine. And so will he!

cosmosforall · 30/09/2022 20:40

I'm in the same boat. DD went last week and I have cried every day since. It feel like loss. It feels like an ending. But I am reframing - it's a start for her, it's a new phase for our relationship, it's a beginning of my new stage in life.

It's bloody hard though. She's not having a bad time but not a fabulous time either so it's not like I can console myself with her happiness.

She is an only child which adds a whole empty nest layer as well.

MrsJBaptiste · 30/09/2022 20:52

Mine goes tomorrow and I thought he was the only one, every other University started 2 weeks ago. I don't suppose he's going to LH?

To be honest, 2 weeks ago I was distraught and every little thing set me off. Now I think we're just both ready fir him to start his University journey.

However if it was my youngest, I think I'd be completely different... 🥺

Crackery · 30/09/2022 20:53

It's helped me to think that he's just gone to boarding school!!

Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 30/09/2022 21:55

Awww thanks so much everyone. It's weirdly cheering to know there are so many of us out there feeling the same way :-).

OP posts:
Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 30/09/2022 21:58

MrsJBaptiste · 30/09/2022 20:52

Mine goes tomorrow and I thought he was the only one, every other University started 2 weeks ago. I don't suppose he's going to LH?

To be honest, 2 weeks ago I was distraught and every little thing set me off. Now I think we're just both ready fir him to start his University journey.

However if it was my youngest, I think I'd be completely different... 🥺

He's going to Lancaster. Good luck with your drop off tomorrow. I'm dreading my youngest one leaving!

OP posts:
mrswhiplington · 30/09/2022 22:06

My DD is in her third year but I still miss her when she's not here. Things do get easier though. She's an only child. You get used to things being different. At first I felt like I was grieving too. But she needed to go. She has become so independent. Everything will settle down in time. Good luck to you both.

Anapana · 30/09/2022 22:09

My dd’s similar age but has gone on an overseas posting with her work. I cried for 3 days but it’s getting to actually be ok now. She’s settling as so am I. You’ll be stroking his photo on your phone and snivelling for a bit, but it gets to be ok quickly tbh xxx

badbaduncle · 30/09/2022 22:10

I felt like this until Xmas. Worst was so did he!! But now, a year on, we are ok and it is worth it in the end. We all still prefer him being at him tbh.

MrJi · 30/09/2022 22:12

Mine is going on Monday. I have been so focused on getting everything ready that I haven’t felt sad. Then I did a Tesco shop and added some of her favourites and had to remove them as she won’t be here when the order arrives..😢😢😢😢 She is very worried , so that is hard too.

Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 30/09/2022 22:16

MrJi · 30/09/2022 22:12

Mine is going on Monday. I have been so focused on getting everything ready that I haven’t felt sad. Then I did a Tesco shop and added some of her favourites and had to remove them as she won’t be here when the order arrives..😢😢😢😢 She is very worried , so that is hard too.

Oh I've done something similar with a Tesco shop today. I got to the end,
realised it was 25% cheaper and burst into tears.

OP posts:
mrswhiplington · 30/09/2022 22:20

Just wait till he comes back. He'll eat you out of house and home. Things really will get easier. It just takes time.

Lollypop701 · 30/09/2022 22:22

My son is off to Lancaster tomorrow, I am saving my tears for Saturday night tbh! . It’s his new adventure, and he will love it. I will miss him, but am trying to focus on how much he will love his independence, and then coming home to me occasionally.

It’s my next step into having some me time… rather than getting into a lovely bath and hearing’mum’ for whatever reason . I am the proud mum of my newish man child 😢

PreColumbian · 30/09/2022 22:25

It’s hard. It’s basically a loss and you need to grieve. It does get better with time and the relationship you can have with a grown up child is really lovely.

Pinkballoon5 · 30/09/2022 22:27

Mine is home after degree, driving me potty with his mess and chaos, eating and drinking everything we have in. I got used pretty quickly to him not being around when he first went. There are long holidays. And altho he v rarely phoned, he messaged many times a day. It's good to see them spread wings in a semisafe environment. Don't worry. U have done what u were supposed to do. Let someone u love fly. And he will circle back. He will need u for many years yet

MrsAvocet · 30/09/2022 22:28

Mine went a week ago. The first couple of days were awful and he was clearly very unhappy, but he seems to be making friends now and we are getting less calls and messages.
I'm still buying too much food though and got a bit upset when I found one of his shirts in the bottom of the ironing basket tonight. But it will be ok.

Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 30/09/2022 22:29

@Lollypop701 We're off to Lancaster tomorrow as well :-).

OP posts:
Zen · 30/09/2022 22:30

@MrsJBaptiste my dd is going into y2, she loves it, I have nothing but positive to say.

shadypines · 30/09/2022 22:54

Another one off to Lancaster tomorrow. 3rd year for DD, I was distraught 2 years ago so I want to hug everyone on here and say it DOES get better. But it sure is like grief initially and I was not prepared for it. We've got to take the positives that they are becoming mature more independent people..if we can.

Questionaboutjoboffer · 30/09/2022 22:59

Mine is in his second year, and at first I felt like you, but then I realised how much time he actually spends at home every year and it’s a lot.

He’s now started his second year and he’s really homesick because he doesn’t like the house he’s living in. I’m surprised by the level of attachment he has towards home. He’s talking about wanting to transfer to a university back in our hometown and maybe live at home while he studies, but I don’t think that will be possible.

Of course I want him to be happy, but just to say that the bond you have isn’t breaking, and you will see your DS for many many weeks of the year, and then probably all the time if/when he needs to live at home all the time.

keeprunning55 · 30/09/2022 23:04

I’m just pretending my ds is at boarding school and he’ll be home for the holidays. It’s sort of working!

Questionaboutjoboffer · 30/09/2022 23:04

(It won’t be possible because the universities he wants to transfer to don’t allow it at this stage)

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