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Original poster

My son goes to uni tomorrow and I feel like I'm grieving.

65 replies

PlayItAsItLays · 30/09/2022 17:50

I thought I was okay about my son leaving for uni but a couple of nights ago I had an awful dream about him moving into halls and since then I've been a wreck. He's so happy and excited to be going and for that I'm really thankful. But I feel sick at the though of him being away and can't stop crying. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next few weeks or months.

I know there'll be a lot of parents on here who have dropped their kids off over the last few weeks. How are you coping?

OP posts:
ZaphodDent · 30/09/2022 23:55

My DS just started 3rd year.

When he first left I was so upset. But seeing him grow and mature and enjoy Uni has been wonderful.

As a PP said, they're actually at home quite a bit. Had him for a couple of months over the summer and it's much easier to wave him off again now.

choirmumoftwo · 01/10/2022 00:04

I'm taking DD back to Lancaster on Monday for her final year. She's so happy there - it's a great university.
She was my second to go and the house still feels strange for a while when she leaves. I take solace (and a little bit of pride) in the knowledge that she's happy, independent and a thoroughly decent person.
Good luck to all of those dropping off this weekend!

RainBow725 · 01/10/2022 00:15

Another Lancaster mum here. Smile I cried when I dropped my DS off last year. This week, I waved goodbye and relished the peace and quiet! He will have a great time and you will be fine after a period of adjustment. You've done a fantastic job to get him to this point. Be proud. 💪🏼

FatMog · 01/10/2022 00:23

My niece has just started at Uni. She's already having a great time (from what I gather from her Insta) and I'm glad because she always seemed a bit naive and sheltered from the world. Her parents, though, are in bits. They will have to get used to her not being there. Their other teenager, my DNephew, is going to Uni next year, and I think then they will have to figure out what to do with a truly empty nest.

My DD will go in 2025. I am already preparing for the fallout. She's my only and I will miss her, I know it. But you have to let them go and figure stuff out by themselves. And they will always need you for something, like laundry, money, or food.

MrsAvocet · 01/10/2022 00:29

Quick heads up to everyone heading for Lancaster this weekend re the M6 roadworks. They have had a rethink after the total chaos that ensued a few weekends ago when the motorway was closed completely but it's still likely to cause significant delays, so plan your journey accordingly.
www.lancasterguardian.co.uk/news/people/heres-whats-happening-with-the-m6-roadworks-between-lancaster-and-preston-this-weekend-if-youre-planning-on-travelling-3860929

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 01/10/2022 00:35

Mine left 3 weeks ago, it was awful. He's loving it though

buttons123456 · 01/10/2022 07:14

@PlayItAsItLays

I set her up with all sorts of extra help with the dsa part of thr student loan so she has a counsellor weekly and extra support for her course . She is very bright but struggles socially so things like not having to present stuff and speak in front of people is on her file ..

She is happier knowing she has that in place and has someone to talk to ..

I'm sure your son will be fine but my dd uni has an excellent pastoral care dept and they seem very on it so I hope they have their eyes on her ! 🙏🙏

Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 01/10/2022 07:55

@MrsAvocet Thanks for this! We set off in a couple of hours so this is good to know.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 01/10/2022 08:01

@buttons123456 I'm so pleased your DD is getting support. It's truly fantastic that unis (everywhere really) are so much more attuned to mental health issues than when we were that age. We had 1 communal phone in our halls and nobody knew there was a a counsellor who worked for a few hours a week. Wishing you both the very best.

OP posts:
buttons123456 · 01/10/2022 10:20

@PlayItAsItLays thank you ...fingers crossed your son settles well.I do feel your pain though . My dad has been such a worry 😫

MrsJBaptiste · 01/10/2022 18:14

We're home! And I haven't needed any tissues!

After we'd found somewhere to park (a nightmare with 101 other parents there at the same time) we dropped his stuff, had something to eat and left him to it. He was the first one there and nobody else had arrived when we left but I think he liked being Lord of the flat for an hour or two!

I know he'll be fine and at the moment it just feels like he's gone away for the night. Doesn't stop me wanting to message though and find out what his flatmates are like but I'm trying to hold off until tomorrow...

happinessischocolate · 01/10/2022 19:13

My dd has been gone for 2 weeks today, she's 4.5hrs away in Manchester ☹️ thank god for FaceTime, I'd be missing her more if I had to rely on phone calls instead of seeing her lovely face most days.

OrangeBlossom28 · 01/10/2022 19:16

Both of ours have gone now; DD1 for her final year and DD2 for her first year. It's been a week and DH and I are now used to it just being the two of us. So far, I'm not missing them as much as I thought I would. Thank goodness for SnapChat and FaceTime!

Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 01/10/2022 20:39

We're also back home as well. It was a bit crazy with everyone trying to park! Got to say it's a lovely campus.

I cried a tiny bit whilst I was there but hid it from my DS. After we left I had a melt down in the car. He sent a text this evening to say he'd been to the welcome meeting with his flat mates and they were all lovely and he's off to the bar with them this evening. I'm still a little upset but so pleased he's living some nice people.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 01/10/2022 20:41

@happinessischocolate I think my other kid will fly quite far as well. I live in south Manchester and it's a brilliant city for students :-).

OP posts:
Goawaygreta · 01/10/2022 20:51

OP
I Get you. Grief is not the word when Ds1 went a couple of years ago I was so upset. Sat in his room and cried.
Felt guilty that perhaps i should have paid him more attention too. I don't know why, but I analysed everything.

He went to a uni close really to home and I just wished he had have commuted.

Anyway he dropped out but is now at another uni. Still close ish to home but a train away.
The only good thing is they have a lot of time off and terms are short. He has been back home for the Sumner for like months.
But at first it was like an actual bereavement for me.

Silenceisgreat · 01/10/2022 21:08

My middle DD is in 2nd year at Lancaster she loves it. She has applied to be a freshers rep this year she went back 2 weeks ago couldn't wait to get back 😃

Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 02/10/2022 08:57

Thanks again everyone. It's so good to know I'm not the only one going through this and it's normal. I had a terrible night's sleep, cried again this morning and now I'm resisting the temptation to drive back and see him again today :-).

But one step at a time.

And a massive, massive hug to everyone who's going through this.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/10/2022 09:48

Honestly, the term goes so quickly, he’ll be back before you know it, with a load of dirty washing and eating you out of house and home…. (Speaking from experience with dds!)

Cillery · 02/10/2022 09:58

Perfectly normal. Having to let go of baby. I felt terrible when my son moved out to his own flat up the road!

Verytirednow · 02/10/2022 10:08

My son was at Lancaster and graduated three years ago.
He also has problems with anxiety but I can honestly say he had a fantastic time there.
The college system gives great opportunities for camaraderie between the colleges which involves a lot of socialising and banter.
The accommodation on campus is also fabulous and obviously the countryside surrounding campus is beautiful.
Dry your tears and be proud of your son for going to such a fantastic Uni 👏
Not sure where you live but the train journey to and from the South East is actually really lovely. 😊

Spicylollies · 02/10/2022 15:30

Just dropped our daughter at Lancaster today ..my heart is actually hurting. Didn't think I'd be this emotional.

Original poster
PlayItAsItLays · 02/10/2022 17:28

@Spicylollies Sending you a massive hug. It's so hard.

OP posts:
shadypines · 02/10/2022 21:29

I think your thread has helped all those struggling with this OP. 2 yrs ago I was bursting into tears on the phone to work friends ( while working)and every day at home. Was worried they must think I'm having a breakdown! I don't like to see anyone else suffer but knowing it's normal is some relief.

Lollypop701 · 02/10/2022 22:42

he went yesterday, and I’m a walking bag of emotions… hope he’ll be happy and have a fantastic time, make lifelong friends etc. plus want to go back and bring him home!!! Aaaaaaaarh being a mum is pants sometimes

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