Dirty/grubby as a child?

[Embarrass3d]

Hi everyone,

this is probably a silly question and I’m a bit embarrassed to ask it (hence the username), but it’s been playing on my mind a lot and I wanted to ask if any of you have had similar experiences and if so, how have you got over it?

Growing up, we were dirty children and I’m still mortified about it now. We were never taught/shown how to wash. I remember teeth-brushing being supervised but never actual washing in the bath/shower. We had baths once a week-ish, which I think was normal-ish at the time (early-mid 90s?), but they weren’t supervised with washing and I remember largely sitting there and playing with the water and bubbles, no soap or actual washing.

At school, it got to the stage where other children actually commented on me looking visibly dirty - I actually remember looking down and seeing tide marks on my arms and my shirt collars being dirty 🤢 but not really understanding that was dirt (or an unacceptable amount of dirt from me), if that makes any sense at all?

I was always quite envious of other girls who looked pretty and neat, had tidy plaited hair, etc. The dirt thing didn’t register until much later, I don’t think, and I don’t actually know at what point I realised that this was disgusting, but now I’m mortified about it. Even as an adult, although I shower and scrub every day, wear anti perspirant and clean clothes, I still feel dirty and I can’t shake that feeling that everyone is looking at me thinking how disgusting I am.

Has anyone else been through similar? How have you ‘fixed’ yourself? I feel like I’ve had to learn such basic things about looking after myself that just weren’t a feature of my childhood - we had a home and were fed and had holidays and presents etc, so we weren’t deprived in any way, but my family seem to just have forgotten to model/teach really basic things like this. There was emotional support/things like that missing too, which I’ve had counselling for, but I’ve not brought this up before. If you have children, how do you support them with basic hygiene if you had this kind of experience when you were younger?

Sorry for a long and weird post. If you’re still reading, thank you x

To be honest, I don't scrub my kids in the bath... They bathe daily and give themselves a rub over with a sponge, and faces with flannels at the end, but mostly just sit there and play in the bubbles/water. I've never scrubbed them clean... I didn't really think about this, but maybe I should be doing it?

@Iguanainanigloo thank you for your reply. Sorry, I didn’t meant to be offensive or cause you self-doubt - I think having a parent supervise me and direct/help me with a sponge or flannel would have been great.

When I was a child we had a bath on a Sunday night and our hair was washed. There were four of us in that bath. We had clean underwear on Monday for school and I had the same pair of knickers and vest all week unless I had an accident.
I knew how to brush teeth but was never encouraged or made to brush and because we were always late for school there was never time to have a wash.
I think lots of families were like this. It wasn't so much abuse as ignorance and poverty.
It did not and has not affected me but other stuff has which is far worse.

Yeah I think the once a week bath thing is something of a class/ time period issue. I wouldn't let it bug you.

My parents definitely had a ‘hands off’ approach to our hygiene too. We were also a one bath a week family, and I was largely left to my own devices in terms of actually washing. My school uniform was expected to last a full week too.
I don’t recall ever being visibly dirty though or anyone ever commenting, but maybe I was just oblivious! It isn’t something that I dwell on now.
i have definitely been more hands on in terms of my children’s cleanliness and hygiene though. My nearly 9 year old showers herself every other day, I shower my 7 year old every other day and my 3 year old is bathed daily (he’s disabled and he loves the bath). I also wash clothes far more frequently than my parents did.
Times have changed though. I don’t think my parents were completely out of the ordinary for the time (late 80’s to early 90’s).

I was a child in the 70s. Definitely bath once a week and the same white school shirt all week too.

I had a weekly bath, just bubble bath, no soap. No shampoo, just dipped my head in the bath to wash it. No memories of being washed, or being told to wash.

Yes, the weekly bath was definitely a thing.

Even in her old age, my DM (RIP) though taking daily showers was excessive and bad for one's skin.

Yes my parents were obsessed about 'not washing the natural oils out of your skin'.

Once a week bath and hair wash, and two shirts to last a week. Clean pants every day though.

It was a different time though, not many houses had a shower and when I was very little my mum didn't have a washing machine

I was born 86 and km sure I had a couple of baths a week. Definitely got hair washed and I remember playing with the soap myself

I do remember my parents really getting on and me and my brother about "look at the colour of that water" if they scrubbed our hands in the sink but actually using a bar of soap now, the water does go murky!

And we were told to brush our teeth but we hated it. They'd snell our breath to check and we use to just eat a bit of toothpaste rather than brush properly.

Anyway op, I think sitting in a bath just playing is fairly normal. I don't scrub scrub my children every bathtime but I do wash their faces, their bums and behind ears and under arms. They only have a bath twice a week too.
Are you sure the tide marks were just summer sun tan lines?!

My son has brown tide marks behind his ears. We have scrubbing sessions periodically. He likes playing in the bath more.

I can't get too worked up about it tbh. He is 6.

An elderly relative was aghast that we are bathing DS again - second time in 2 days as it would damage his skin - very odd

I was born in the 70's and had a bath once, maybe twice, a week.

My two children were born in the 90's and they were bathed everyday. I washed their hair for them until they were about ten, if I remember correctly and always supervised teeth brushing. I don't remember scrubbing them clean unless they were particularly muddy or covers in paint from crafting etc.
From what I can remember from other families I know I'm sure they bathed their children regularly too so I'm not sure that once a week was usual by the 90's.

Jeez no wonder the rest of the world thought/think of the Brits as filthy. Once a week in the 70s??? It's like you were living in the 1700

I was a child in the 80s. Bath once a week on a Saturday night. I remember my mother scrubbing my neck with a face cloth. In the summer it was a bath (with dettol) about three times a week. Hands were washed,face cleaned and teeth brushed every morning.

You know they weren't responsible for how often they bathed, don't you?

Once a week for us too, 70’s kids and there were 4 of us in the bath.

I definitely remember finding grey tide marks on my school shirt collars.

80s kid and we were bathed once a week. Clean uniform a couple of times a week though.
My kids are bathed every day without fail. I always scrub their bum, armpits, hands and face.
Although I noticed recently that I'd been missing my sons neck and he had a tide mark. I felt awful. Now his neck gets scrubbed every day in the bath too.

Born in the 70s and always clean and tidy, thanks to my parents. My grandparents, that had what was called a ‘strip wash’ were always clean too, so it’s not down to poverty. My parents were teachers and talked about how it was not unusual to have children at school that were obviously dirty or who smelled but as years passed and once it got into the 90s it was more unusual, as hot water and showers were more widely available.
I really wouldn’t feel embarrassed about it OP, it was not your fault and you could do nothing about it as a child. It was your parent’s responsibility to help and teach you but maybe no one taught them.
You’ve broken the cycle now, so there is nothing more you can do. At the end of the day,it’s only a bit of dirt and your parents were probably doing their best. My parents never judged the children they taught or talked about them in a negative way, it was just n observation of how times changed.

I have felt like this all my adult life OP. We did bathe every night but I went months without washing my hair, and I rarely brushed my teeth. It was only when I got to secondary school that I learned the hard way there were stricter hygiene standards than I was aware of. I still have the feeling that people think I'm dirty/my belongings are dirty, despite now being extremely clean conscious! It's amazing how deeply embedded some childhood experiences are.

I remember the exact opposite . During the holidays I would play out in shorts t shirts and get generally messy as kids do. But , I was always called in before my dad was due home to tidy up , get clean and was put into a dress That to me sounds almost Victorian and ' Seen but not heard ' type of thing. House was also always spotless as well.

I'm a child of the 70s. We had a bath on a Sunday night and used fairy liquid as bubble bath/ soap. This was normal. We weren't poor by any means. We had clean underwear every day though. Not sure about other clothes/ school uniform. But if you felt uncared for and neglected then there is probably more to this than just the weekly baths.

Weekly bath was a thing.

We went to a panto once with a brunch of kids, maybe for Brownies, and the person in stage called out "is ite anyone's birthday today?" And one of the Brownies said "yes! Me " and when asked how old she is nowshe got all embarrassed and said "oh, I thought you said Bath Day".... And no-one batted an eyelid at the idea, and said 'mines tomorrow!" Etc

We all sang Happy Bath Day to her 😂

I was born in the mid-sixties and a child throughout the seventies. We had a bath most nights and hair wash once a week. My children were born in the nineties and always had baths or showers daily or very nearly so.