Dirty/grubby as a child?

[Embarrass3d]

Hi everyone,

this is probably a silly question and I’m a bit embarrassed to ask it (hence the username), but it’s been playing on my mind a lot and I wanted to ask if any of you have had similar experiences and if so, how have you got over it?

Growing up, we were dirty children and I’m still mortified about it now. We were never taught/shown how to wash. I remember teeth-brushing being supervised but never actual washing in the bath/shower. We had baths once a week-ish, which I think was normal-ish at the time (early-mid 90s?), but they weren’t supervised with washing and I remember largely sitting there and playing with the water and bubbles, no soap or actual washing.

At school, it got to the stage where other children actually commented on me looking visibly dirty - I actually remember looking down and seeing tide marks on my arms and my shirt collars being dirty 🤢 but not really understanding that was dirt (or an unacceptable amount of dirt from me), if that makes any sense at all?

I was always quite envious of other girls who looked pretty and neat, had tidy plaited hair, etc. The dirt thing didn’t register until much later, I don’t think, and I don’t actually know at what point I realised that this was disgusting, but now I’m mortified about it. Even as an adult, although I shower and scrub every day, wear anti perspirant and clean clothes, I still feel dirty and I can’t shake that feeling that everyone is looking at me thinking how disgusting I am.

Has anyone else been through similar? How have you ‘fixed’ yourself? I feel like I’ve had to learn such basic things about looking after myself that just weren’t a feature of my childhood - we had a home and were fed and had holidays and presents etc, so we weren’t deprived in any way, but my family seem to just have forgotten to model/teach really basic things like this. There was emotional support/things like that missing too, which I’ve had counselling for, but I’ve not brought this up before. If you have children, how do you support them with basic hygiene if you had this kind of experience when you were younger?

Sorry for a long and weird post. If you’re still reading, thank you x

I grew up in the 90s. My parents didn’t bother with brushing our teeth, combing our hair or anything. We had a bath probably once a week and they washed our hair with soap, because they thought shampoo was an extravagance. Our hair and clothes smelled damp and musty from not being dried properly (which I found out when my boyfriend, who is now my husband, told me). They also didn’t really teach us about nutrition or exercise or anything like that, I’m only really learning about the relationship between keeping fit, eating well and feeling good now in my late 30s.

Born late 70s, all of us had a bath every night, clean pjs, teeth brushed twice a day. Non negotiable.

My two boys have a weekly shower. It was twice a week, not because they particularly needed it, but because I felt they should for some unknown reason... but mostly connected to other peoples opinions, which I really shouldn't care about. Anyway, now one has school swimming on a Friday and we can't fit in our other shower day in between on a mon or tues due to their extra curricular activities and my work days. They are 9 and 7 and are in bed for 7.30, so time is tight. Currently both of mine need loads of sleep so it is a challenge to fit in dinners, reading, spellings, cubs/beavers, swimming, down time and add to the mix only being home at 5.45-6pm 3 days in the week at this time in our lives.
They are both supervised for washing and hair wash though, and twice daily teeth brushing. Faces and hands are cleaned after every meal. I check their faces etc regularly through the day. They don't smell, they wear clean clothes daily. I've just switched to changing pjs after 3 wears as we did daily changes of those too, but my washing was getting ridiculous and I felt it a reasonable compromise in current economic times.
I have an older son and by 11 he was showing every other day and still does at 20. Once they are awake later in the evenings then they can shower themselves as needed, be it daily or not as often. I won't ever let them be dirty or smell. They have regular hair cuts, nail trims and their clothes are removed if worn or with holes in. All in all, they are very well presented kids. So I really don't think weekly baths are problematic.

I was born in the 60s and actually cannot remember. My children were 90s kids and can honestly say they had a bath most nights but didn’t necessarily get washed ..it was more about relaxing ready for bed !
My grandchild refused a bath for a few months but definitely not neglected…important parts washed but not an issue! Relax and stop reflecting so much.

Oh yes and their hair is brushed and styled daily. Not that it remains that way, but it starts off nicely!

And before anyone says why can't you do it in the mornings? This is an absolute no go. I have to get to work on time, and they have to make it to school on time. Morning showers would give another obstacle to make us late! It is already a big struggle as one has adhd and autism! No one needs to add complexities to the kind of mornings we can have! Even I don't shower of a week day morning. Night time only!!

80s kid here. We only had a bath once a week - and I always had the dirty bath after both my parents and my brother had it. Honestly, a clean bath still hot feels like a huge luxury to me even now.

Clothes were clean but we would wear the same school shirt 3 times in a row before it got washed. Always clean underwear though but I remember a girl called Sarah who always had dirty underwear and definitely wore it more than once (boak!) There was a dirty child in our class who smelt - felt very sorry for her.

Different times. Shake it off.

I was an 80s/90s kid and we bathed daily hair wash maybe 3x week.
Clean uniform daily.
We didnt live an extravagant life and got by but our house was always clean and fresh so were we.
My best friend however wasnt. They were the visibly dirty child even to leaving school in 1999. Dirty shirt collars. Headlice etc as their mum didn't give toss. Their house was very very dirty :(

Born in 82, 1 sister and 2 brothers

Bathed 4 times a week, strip wash and always had to wash morning and night with a flannel. Hair was washed every Sunday. Teeth brushed twice daily

I can remember my dad coming in from work and bathing every night, same with my mum

I don't think it's a class thing, I was born on a council estate and I'm still on one

I was definitely not taught how to wash and had irregular baths. I also remember going to public bath rooms as a family with a bar of cold tar soap. Each bath was in a cubicle. I don’t think these exist now! I learnt how to wash when I went on a sleep over and the mum made a bowl of warm water soap and a flannel and washed us. It was so nice and I am so grateful as I realised I needed to do this. I had been smelly and told so previously. My mum had a house full of children, worked full time and was short of money. I think we were just in survival mode. Even though I’m now clean and have nice clothes feeling scruffy seems to be a part of my being. I have just accepted that I’m not a polished person.

Perhaps it's the introduction of combi boilers that has made a difference?
As a child in the 70s we had a (small) storage tank of hot water in the roof as did a lot of people, which seemed to run out very quickly, then you'd have to wait for it to heat up again, so there wasn't that much hot water available for all the family all the time.

Additionally, cheap clothing wasn't really available either. Clothing was expensive and so there were a lot of hand me downs, hand knits (not the charming sort either, more practical in not so nice colours!) and people just didn't have much variety or volume of clothing, not like the choice there is now. Tumble dryers weren't widely available, so drying clothes was also a bit of an issue which is possibly why people didn't wash clothes as often or have as many to change in to.

I do remember the girls at school who always seemed freshly pressed all the time with neatly plaited hair just like the OP describes, and wished I was one of them. I was clean to the standard of the time, but my own DCs are freshly pressed with a full clean school uniform every day, clean shoes, clean hair etc and I really take pleasure in that.

Yes I knew a girl with tide marks on her arms and neck. I got them on my neck sometimes too. I bathed weekly every sunday night. Her parents were university lecturers and mine were factory workers so idk if it was class related as I also knew some kids on my council estate who bathed every day. We were the two highest achieving girls in the year so maybe those natural oils did something. 🤣🤦‍♀️
I thought I had greasy hair through my teens then in my twenties was surprised to discover it was actually quite dry now that I tried to wash it several times a week. At which point the hairdresser told me to stop washing it. Just to confuse me. But I can’t actually leave the house now if I feel dirty and I try to bath the babies daily although it’s not always practical.

Some of the judgemental comments on this thread from people who don’t have experience or empathy are exactly why I am too anxious to leave the house if I haven’t showered enough.

luckymummy Polished is a good way of describing it. I was clean enough but not polished, and I yearned to be polished. As an adult I have learned to be polished and I enjoy it. I made sure my kids are brought up clean and polished. I don't mean to the kind of standard that they would feel suffocated by it. They can make as much of a mess of themselves as they like during the day but they get cleaned up every night. And I take care of the small details. I regularly check their toenails, their ears, behind their necks, make sure they don't have mud on their shoes in the morning. PE kit gets washed weekly on the dot, not just when it gets so smelly it can't be ignored any more. I wash their gloves and hats if they get grubby. That kind of thing.

I've spoken to my husband about this, early 70s child with no oral hygiene and learnt to wash themselves.
We all grow up in different circumstances and although it feels embarrassing, it isn't you now and it isn't your family. I'm now fastidious about hygiene, probably a bit too much in my kids eyes but I've explained in a basic way, why. Horribly weird OP and I get it.

I was a child in the 60's. It was a once a week bath and hair wash I am afraid. Clean underwear Monday morning but that was on until following Sunday! Yuck. I think I must have had some more clean school clothes through week but cannot really remember. My teeth care was very much neglected and this is to my regret
even today.
I had my children in the 80's. One every couple of years. As pre-schoolers they were bathed every day and given clean clothes generally. I think daily bathing was attempted as they went into their school years but gradually tapering to maybe every other day. A school polo shirt would likely have been changed every other day and similar with the sweatshirt. Clean underwear each day. Maybe 2/3 changes of school trousers in the school week. Similar for my daughter's skirts and pinafores. Clean socks daily. It was all fun lol!

Yes, we had the weekly bath and, being in a household of seven, with one bathroom and no washing machine, cleanliness was limited.

I worked out as a teenager that my parents' standards weren't acceptable, and spent most of my paper round money on personal hygiene. And left home as soon as I could. Now I have a teen ds who I have to stand over to ensure clean teeth & hair. 😩

You certainly weren't the only one, but there's no need to worry about it now. No one else will remember, just take pleasure and pride in the fragrant cleanliness of your family.

Yes I grew up like this, looking back on my childhood now I think my mum was neglectful in that way, be it not intentionally.

I had a bath once a week but didn’t actually know how to wash my body, I would just sit in there. My mum did wash my hair. However I remember at school, my hair was always untidy and I always had head lice. I don’t think I brushed my teeth often or properly.

Btw lots of people on here with little girls if your bathing your children once a week this isn’t enough to prevent issues like UTIs and keep private areas clean. I also remember feeling itchy in my private areas often as a child, but then those areas were never actually washed as I was never taught how. Sorry TMI.

Once one of my mums friends was babysitting me for a night and she bathed me, properly washing me with a flannel and soap and then combed all the head lice out of my hair. The next day she French platted my hair for school and I remember feeling so nice, just to be clean and comfortable and have tidy hair that was lice free.

Once I got to high school and hormones kicked in, I learned how to properly take care of myself but was self conscious of oily skin/hair or sweating. But even now I’m a bit OTT with my hygiene, I hate the idea of smelling or feeling grubby. I know how you feel OP, your not alone 💐

80s kid. Don’t remember how often we bathed but every morning we’d wash “face, pits and bits” with a clean flannel and were shown how to do it properly. By the late 80s/90s a once a week bath only was frowned on. Sounds like your parents were out of date with their routine hence the teasing.

Sure, right, the whole world thinks of Brits as dirty.😂 Are you by any chance sitting behind a keyboard in Moscow.....

Apart from pants and socks, most things can be worn a second day. Also a bit of dirt is good! Too often surfaces are unnaturally bleached/cleaned with strong chemicals and this takes away from the immune system and health.

I was a 70s child who was bathed twice a week. My teens shower daily or every other day if preferred. As younger children they were in the woods building dens, damning streams, making fires to cook on. I’ve always seen dirt as a positive thing, a healthy playful childhood. I feel very sorry for children who are made to look immaculate 24/7, in my experience these were the children who were not allowed to jump in puddles, messy play or roll down a hill.

As a child, what was I supposed to do?

At 5 years old I couldn’t just pop off upstairs and run myself a bath, could I?
My family were poor. We couldn’t afford to bathe more regularly than that.
Im very clean now.

@PupInAPram errr Moscow??? Huh? No, major Comminweslth country actually. @mountaindewview @WaddleAway why do defensive. Did I accuse you of anything? I simply said I now understand why the British have a reputation for being dirty and unwashed. Once a week? One or two shirts a week? Even in the 70s we bathed or showered daily and wore fresh clothes daily. Except things like jeans and knitwear

What country did you grow up in?

We had a bath on a Sunday evening. We were always told to pay particular attention to our necks and behind our ears because of tide marks.

If we had a bath a grandma’s house, she used to put a capful of dettol in the water!

I think I was mostly a pretty grubby kid.