Dirty/grubby as a child?

[Embarrass3d]

Hi everyone,

this is probably a silly question and I’m a bit embarrassed to ask it (hence the username), but it’s been playing on my mind a lot and I wanted to ask if any of you have had similar experiences and if so, how have you got over it?

Growing up, we were dirty children and I’m still mortified about it now. We were never taught/shown how to wash. I remember teeth-brushing being supervised but never actual washing in the bath/shower. We had baths once a week-ish, which I think was normal-ish at the time (early-mid 90s?), but they weren’t supervised with washing and I remember largely sitting there and playing with the water and bubbles, no soap or actual washing.

At school, it got to the stage where other children actually commented on me looking visibly dirty - I actually remember looking down and seeing tide marks on my arms and my shirt collars being dirty 🤢 but not really understanding that was dirt (or an unacceptable amount of dirt from me), if that makes any sense at all?

I was always quite envious of other girls who looked pretty and neat, had tidy plaited hair, etc. The dirt thing didn’t register until much later, I don’t think, and I don’t actually know at what point I realised that this was disgusting, but now I’m mortified about it. Even as an adult, although I shower and scrub every day, wear anti perspirant and clean clothes, I still feel dirty and I can’t shake that feeling that everyone is looking at me thinking how disgusting I am.

Has anyone else been through similar? How have you ‘fixed’ yourself? I feel like I’ve had to learn such basic things about looking after myself that just weren’t a feature of my childhood - we had a home and were fed and had holidays and presents etc, so we weren’t deprived in any way, but my family seem to just have forgotten to model/teach really basic things like this. There was emotional support/things like that missing too, which I’ve had counselling for, but I’ve not brought this up before. If you have children, how do you support them with basic hygiene if you had this kind of experience when you were younger?

Sorry for a long and weird post. If you’re still reading, thank you x

As a child, who had no control over how often I bathed age 2/3/4 or over how much hot water there was, what was I supposed to do?

Not me, but my best friend from 5 years upwards was dirty as a child. She was the youngest of 4 children but her older brother was 5 or 7 years older than her and her 2 older sisters probably didn't have time to wash her. Her mum was a single mum who worked hard at a supermarket.

I think she was taught how to wash but not properly. Washing was in the bath/sink and shower was the shower head you put over the bath taps. Same went for clothes too, they were dirty or smelled. I think her hair was brushed and sometimes plaited. My mum actually noticed that my friend was like this and I think when we went on holiday (she came with us a few times) my mum encouraged/chivvied her to wash properly. Fixing herself I think has been having her own children when she got older and learning from others what you do.

I've got a 4 year old nephew who doesn't like washing, he's been shown but doesn't like it. When I bathe him I always either with a flannel or hand, wash his arms, legs, back etc with soap or shower gel. I bought some coloured shower gel/soap. He's just not overly keen on washing but I point out it's important to do this and just do it! He's good on cleaning his teeth. He has a bath every night or a shower in the morning.

I'm a child of the 70s and I'm sure we had a bath more than once a week where we were supposed to wash properly (shared bath) but we did muck around and wash hair there (or it got wet) but also a strip wash daily, we were told to wash though and it was wash arms, upper and lower body, bottom etc. We had Matey bubble bath and Simple or Pears soap. Hair wash was probably twice a week. My mum was very strict about us brushing our teeth, only because she ate lots of sweets as a child and then had dental work done as an adult.

Ahhh this has bought back some sad memories. I was one of many siblings, growing up in the 80s and 90s, and I think by the time it came to me my parents had lost a lot of enthusiasm and energy, so I was basically feral- I rarely brushed my teeth, never brushed my hair. I was always dirty. I spent a lot of time outdoors in the woods and fields, which has it merits, but I was quite sad and lonely and very aware at school that people saw me as a bit dirty.
I am not embarassed about it though, and neither should you be @Embarrass3d ! Every family is different, and you were only a child. It is not fair or reasonable to expect a child to be able to take responsibility for their own personal hygiene.

I was born late 70's and had to have a bath - including having my hair washed - every evening. I hated it!

DS is 9 and has sensory issues and hasn't had a bath in months, we take him swimming as he will have a shower at the pool after that - not ideal but I can't force him into the bath.

Having a bath once a week was not normal in the 80’s or 90’s.

My ds was born in 93. He had a bath every single night of his life until he was old enough to do it himself. As did all his baby and toddler friends.I had a bath every night in the 80’s. Can’t remember the 70’s.

The 90’s weren’t the dark ages!

You have strange views. If people don't like Brits, it's not because we're filthy🤣

Bath once a week was very normal in the 60s and 70s

You're not alone, OP. I grew up in the 70/early 80s and a bath was a weekly thing in our house. I think school uniform had to last the week. Pretty soon after leaving school and starting working in an office, I was taken aside and told I and/or my clothes smelt. My parents were both smokers, too. We were just never taught properly. I guess it's just the generation and times they were from; post-war, poor households etc.

Showers weren't common or popular back then either so it meant running a full bath. I often shared the water with my sibling, then our mother would jump in after we were done. There was no bubble bath; we had lifebuoy soap. We weren't well off, so maybe the gas bill was expensive for my parents. Nowadays we can shower quickly and it's cheaper to keep yourself clean.

But they don't have that reputation.

So interesting pockevenuss is a new member of Mumsnet.

Aww no that must have been so embarrassing to have your employer say that to you, but I don’t think it’s your fault if you were never taught to have proper hygiene as a child. Also smells from the house like cigarettes smoke will absorb into clothing. Again not your fault.

When I lived with my mum the house always had a strong musty smell (I assume old dirty carpets and old furniture) and when I first started seeing my boyfriend I would notice the smell returning to my mums house after staying over night at my bf’s house. I told my boyfriend and he mentioned he noticed a musty smell on me, the smell would stick to my (clean) clothes and hair. I was mortified thinking how many people might be thinking I smell. After moving in with my partner this is no longer an issue for me. I am quite OCD now though with the cleaning of the house and paranoid about keeping the house smelling nice.

Similar experience here although I can't remember being visibly dirty - a Sunday bath is what we had and never suggested that we might want to wash more. Looking back it was far too hands off, I probably could have gone a month without washing my hair and my mum wouldn't have noticed. I'll be honest I never really started having a daily morning shower until DS8 was born. I needed it to wake up, clean off the breast milk after a night of feeding and just feel better. Before then I never felt the need but I think that's because it was never drilled in to me to be clean!