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Original poster

Gangs in London

90 replies

ShouldIActNow · 26/09/2022 13:27

I have two Ds’s age 11 who have just started secondary school in se London.
Where we live is rife with gang activity, there was a stabbing at the bottom of the flats we live in last week & there are boys smoking and drinking on the stairs regularly so we have to walk through them.

I’m not particularly concerned about that and not really scared for myself, however my sons have to go home by themselves and I am honestly terrified of them being groomed, robbed or worse by them.

The other day one boy was offering my son money and I know how to easy it is to then become involved.

So my issue now is, is it too late to move out of London as they are starting to settle down or am I being over dramatic?

All of our family and support system are in a 2 mile radius to us, their dad is round the corner although not really much help.

What do I do? It’s such a difficult decision to make on you’re own.

Also do any of you have any experience with this type of situation and what did you do about it?

OP posts:

thebabessavedme · 26/09/2022 13:36

I would encourage after school activities, things like martial arts/sports possibly cadets, things that will take up time and effort on the dcs part. I always think catching them young is great, they are more likely to enjoy activities and get a lot out of them before they are older and more inclined to worry about whats cool or not.

Sprig1 · 26/09/2022 13:47

I would move if you can afford to. Too risky to stay in my book.

DrDetriment · 26/09/2022 13:51

Not sure why you've started another thread on this as it's also in Black MN. That aside, I'd be strict about getting them back in straight after school, plus getting them involved in clubs and teams that offer positive role models. Talking to them about what happens to boys in gangs might be helpful too.

ThatGirlInACountrySong · 26/09/2022 13:53

I'd be moving!

HebeSunshine · 26/09/2022 13:54

I would never live in London with tween/teenage sons.
We're outside London but it's so bloody scary the amount of knife crime that seems to be increasing.

whatsup00 · 26/09/2022 13:56

I second the advice about getting them involved with sport. Sports practice after school gives them a focus.

I don't think 11 is a bad age to move as it would be the first year of high school?

HebeSunshine · 26/09/2022 14:04

I didn't realise you were black OP but imo even more reason to get the hell out of London. The amount of black teenagers that are getting stabbed is horrific.
I'd move now while they're still young enough.

thatrodofyoursisinsane · 26/09/2022 14:08

You're not being dramatic no. I'm from London and live up North and I would never in a million years bring a child up in London.
It only takes one time.
Can you move? Where I live now rent is a third of the price of London for decent areas, I can work a lot less, have a lot more spare cash, a bigger house, and feel infinitely safer.

In London you're paying over the odds for what? To have this stuff go on? Why?

Original poster

ShouldIActNow · 26/09/2022 14:08

DrDetriment · 26/09/2022 13:51

Because it wasn’t showing on my watched threads, so I started another one.

OP posts:

Kennykenkencat · 26/09/2022 14:09

Friend took a job at her dc’s school and walked her children to and from school each day.
Even when her children were doing A levels she walked them to the school gate and they were not allowed to leave in the afternoon until she was there.
Her Ds was mixed race and she was terrified of him getting caught up in gangs or being targeted for not joining a gang or being racially profiled by the police.
I think most of London there isn’t a huge issue (Where I lived I never considered it a problem) but where friend lived it wasn’t great.

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamond · 26/09/2022 14:11

We moved out of London when our dc1 was a baby. I used to love London and it is still such a great city to live in, but maybe my views have changed or maybe London has changed a lot. Whatever it is, I'm not keen anymore. I'd honestly move if you can. Kids can get into trouble wherever you live, but I do think some parts of London are just really difficult to avoid trouble in.

Shittytittybangbang · 26/09/2022 14:12

Without a doubt, move.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/09/2022 14:17

Sprig1 · 26/09/2022 13:47

I would move if you can afford to. Too risky to stay in my book.

That's why I left London long before my child was secondary age. I know there are nicer areas than I was in but I couldn't afford to live there.

maranella · 26/09/2022 14:21

I don't blame you for being worried OP - I would be too.

Boys who are kept busy and have esteem-raising activities built into their lives (such as sports), are less likely to get involved with gangs, but if you CAN move, then personally I would. If they're 11 you've got time to make the switch before they get to important school years. Y9 is key, because they'll be picking their GCSE subjects and many schools now start to teach the GCSE curriculum towards the end of that year. So if you're going to move, I'd do it this year or next so they'll be settled in their new school before the start of Y9.

inheritanceshiteagain · 26/09/2022 14:23

I got out years ago and look at the situation as Otis now with horror. However it's an issue in any big city. Live in a village and opted for an out of area school for secondary as I knew the nearest had issues. Basically you have to do what's best to keep them safe.

Anywhereelse · 26/09/2022 14:24

I’d be looking to move immediately. Knife crime and anti-social behaviour is rife in parts of London and I wouldn’t want my DS getting caught up on that if I could help it.

I lived in London for 20+ years and now I have DS I’m so glad we moved away.

3WildOnes · 26/09/2022 14:25

I wouldn't live in a rough part of London with teenagers, if I had a choice. I live in a leafy part of SW London where I don't worry about gangs or knife crime.

Amarette · 26/09/2022 14:27

Definitely move if you can afford to

Trinity65 · 26/09/2022 14:30

3WildOnes · 26/09/2022 14:25

I wouldn't live in a rough part of London with teenagers, if I had a choice. I live in a leafy part of SW London where I don't worry about gangs or knife crime.

Oh Lucky You!

IsABajan · 26/09/2022 14:31

Hi OP. If you can move I would recommend it.
My oldest started high school and had to come home into an estate. No matter what extra curricular I set up for him he still got pulled into that life.

I now have a 10 year old DS and I'm desperate to move out of London before he starts high school but it's not possible for me as I have to swap and no one wants to come where I am

AceofPentacles · 26/09/2022 14:49

I would move, not just because of the risk in becoming involved but just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

roarfeckingroarr · 26/09/2022 14:59

OP would you be as worried if your sons were white? Is it the area you're in?

Please don't take those questions as me being offensive I'm trying to work out if I'm wildly naive because I feel quite happy bringing my child up in (SW) London.

SuperCamp · 26/09/2022 15:04

OP, if your son is black and you live on an estate ruled by a gang, then the risk is real.

Often boys join a gang for their own protection.

I live in an area that adjoins a gang ruled estate, my (mixed race) Dc were at school with teens who were involved in gangs, but because we lived a road away, and not on the estate, our boys were at much less risk.

I know parents who have moved further out to be away from gang influence.

Could you move to the other side of where your family live, but the same distance away?

Motnight · 26/09/2022 15:05

Move. We lived in a fantastic flat on the outskirts of a nice bit of London years ago. Had to do the same walking through gangs of kids dealing, smoking drugs etc to get to our flat. Police didn't care. The kids were so young - some primary school age, I watched young girls being passed around, 10 year olds supplying drugs to adults and no one wanted to know. It was awful.

HebeSunshine · 26/09/2022 15:12

AceofPentacles · 26/09/2022 14:49

I would move, not just because of the risk in becoming involved but just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Exactly, it doesn't matter if your kids are busy at after school clubs or learning self defence. They only have to look at someone the wrong way and they get caught up in it.
It's just not worth the risk.

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