Gangs in London

[ShouldIActNow]

I have two Ds’s age 11 who have just started secondary school in se London.
Where we live is rife with gang activity, there was a stabbing at the bottom of the flats we live in last week & there are boys smoking and drinking on the stairs regularly so we have to walk through them.

I’m not particularly concerned about that and not really scared for myself, however my sons have to go home by themselves and I am honestly terrified of them being groomed, robbed or worse by them.

The other day one boy was offering my son money and I know how to easy it is to then become involved.

So my issue now is, is it too late to move out of London as they are starting to settle down or am I being over dramatic?

All of our family and support system are in a 2 mile radius to us, their dad is round the corner although not really much help.

What do I do? It’s such a difficult decision to make on you’re own.

Also do any of you have any experience with this type of situation and what did you do about it?

I moved to outer London/Kent when mine were little, they're adults now.
Great schools, very green but still only 30 mins from town by train, so they enjoy the good aspects of central London but were far enough away to be safe. Very low crime rate here.

I'd move, have you thought about just a borough or two out? I know you still hear of things happening in places like bromley and croydon but it's not as likely to literally be approached on your way home from school.

Definitely move. You do not have to live like this.

No I’m not ignorant, of course I know it happens elsewhere, just not on the same scale as London.

Op have you thought about Essex or Kent? Definitely safer than London, still multicultural and not too far from your family also.

It can happen anywhere, but without a doubt, the problem is vastly bigger in some parts of London. It sounds quite ignorant of you not to realise this.

I would move, if you are able to. Age 11, they are young enough to easily adapt to a new school. By 14 you want them settled for beginning GCSEs. I'm sure their dad/your family will want the best for the boys if you explain your reasons.
There was a gang stabbing close to where I live recently, a young boy died. It breaks my heart to walk past and see the flowers and messages. I don't have a teenage son but if I did I'd be doing anything possible to move him away from that environment.

@TooManyMoronsHere
''I take it you haven't seen the latest news about a kid stabbed in Huddersfield by kids? You shouldn't be so ignorant to believe knife crime is specific to just London.''

Actually what's ignorant is not being able to grasp that although incidents can happen anywhere, nowhere else in the UK is going to match London when it comes to widespread gang violence and knife crime.

Stabbing are and gang violence are a daily occurrence in most part of London and the Mayor and the police are not able to get a grip on the problem.

It is unlikely to change either with cuts to councils' budgets which means even less support and activities for young people and funding for schools.

OP you have my sympathy. I am not sure many of these posters are very realistic. It is a massive upheaval to move, especially in the current economy and given you'd need to rent privately. If you have a council home, look into a swap.
However the biggest struggle I think you will have is finding somewhere that's not racist. My sister lives in a rough part of N London with mixed race kids and they've really struggled to find somewhere to move to.
I would do everything you can to get them into clubs or activities in a nicer part of your area. London is weird in that a 'posh' area is likely to be quite close. It doesn't need to be expensive, you can sign them up to scouts in that area or something like that. Giving them a wider range of friends will help reduce that desire and boredom but also give them some aspirations when they go to those friends homes etc.
Is there a school in a nicer area you could put them on waiting list for? That would help too.
As for wrong place wrong time, I grew up in one of the roughest areas in N London and none of the actual violence happened on my doorstep. It's always somewhere in between post codes or in central London.

Of course you should move. To put it into perspective, I wouldn’t let my seventeen year old (white) son be alone for one second in that environment. I’d be gone within 24 hours even if I had to live in a tent. You surely know about Damilola Taylor?

Moving from what and who you know is scary when you have no guarantees of it being worthwhile. It's so nice to have family on the doorstep and to leave that must be hard.

My parents moved from inner to outer London a few decades ago because quieter, greener, nice schools etc and a few of their friends followed. If you are able to move then I don't think you need to move too far, you are already SE so as other PP's have said you can stay south east borders of Kent / London. I'm not black so can't speak to those experiences. I am mixed race, our area was very white when I was young but less so now and the schools reflect that. My dd's school is actually only 1/3 white which you wouldn't expect.

I had a colleague in London who had the same worries and used to be making sure their sons were home straight from school had activities and take them about if possible etc which seems like a lot of stress for many years.

Come to Southampton OP. Very multicultural, kids of all religions and ethnicity play together in the park outside my house.

There is some drug dealing going on, but very low level and police regularly patrol. Mum's and Dad's also use the park so inhibits blatant dealing.

That's such a tough decision op. I would move because it sounds like the drug dealing, gangs and risk of stabbing is way too close for comfort for your boys. Of course there is gang culture, drugs and crime outside of the cities. I work in a rural school in the South West and we have problems with low aspiration, county lines drug trafficking and lots of antisocial behaviour. That said I do think it is easier to keep.kids out of trouble and there is a lot more opportunity for sports and other activities to keep them busy. I live in a village 10 mins from the town where my kids go to school and I did that on purpose so they would be less likely to be roaming the streets and getting in to trouble. The payoff is I have to host their friends and drive them around to organised activities but I am more than happy to do that and keep a little more control over them until they are mature enough and secure enough in their characters to not give in to peer pressure so easily. If I were you I'd move to a bit further out, somewhere still less than an hour on the train so you can be close to family and see them at weekends but far enough to be less dangerous.

I live in a small sleepy town out of London, with 95+%, maybe more, white people. I'm Asian and my dc is mixed race.
School he goes have very small number of Asian or Black children. But I don't really worry about anything at all. School don't tolerate racism. I have no fear of my dc being stabbed at all. That's a reason enough for me to move, if we are in that environment.

My point was that you don't need to leave London completely. There are places in London that are as safe as areas outside of London. Whether they are affordable or not is another question. I live in Teddington.

There are lots of areas in London where I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing up teenagers

unfortunately, sometimes I don’t have that option. If I could move tomorrow I absolutely would, however as I said that would mean I would then be less financially stable with zero support around me.

I have to weigh up everything and do it when I can, it really isn’t as easy to say move to a quiet village. I have to fully research it to make my dc and myself would fit in, am I going to be able to afford rent on a lower income and also be able to live?

And yes I am more than aware of Damiloa Taylor as I live not very far away from that area.

I said I’m not particularly concerned about myself.

@3WildOnes money does tend to do that but I'm not sure how telling the OP to live in a more expensive area is helpful?

The OP is concerned about leaving her family support which is all in London.
My point is she may not have to leave London at all, it may be possible for her to stay in London but move to a safer part.
I dont know the OPs financial situation or if she has a council house that she could swap to a different area. It may be possible for her to stay in London so that she is close to family but in a less dangerous area.

but @3WildOnes you posted the below

I wouldn't live in a rough part of London with teenagers, if I had a choice. I live in a leafy part of SW London where I don't worry about gangs or knife crime.

Perhaps the OP did find it helpful...

I would move.
They will thank you for it 100% in years to come!

I think I’d move if you can. The risk is real.

I would do everything I could to move

I would do everything I can to move out of that particular area. There are parts of London that are nicer to live and raise children in.

Those people on here acting like stabbings only happen in London 🤣where have you been

Oh for gods sake we know they don’t only happen in London, but are you really suggesting the risk isn’t higher in London?