The old days of Mumsnet when…

[Anon778833]

Back in 2003, there was a section entitled ‘introductions’ and people would post identifying photos of themselves and their dc. And a post about themselves.

How times change!

[macthekwife]

So what made all that change then? I wasn't here then. I have noted there is so much secrecy on here, and wondered exactly why, when social media is often so identifying and people share their whole lives readily.

[Bluntfuckit]

@ThisUserNameIsAvailableOk

Is this the type of thread where everyone fawns over Xname and begs to know where fuckit and blunt are?

🥱

<<waves>>

[ideasmirrour]

@SoupDragon

I don't remember it either. I tend not to pay attention to that kind of crap though so might not have noticed.

I wonder if part of this is because posters used to be "friends" off board and this came through. I'm not sure you get that so much any more now it's so big and there aren't the same number of meet ups. Not that I went to any meet ups 😂

I do remember this though. Even in the early twenty teens it was a bit like this. Sometimes if you commented on a thread and posters didn’t recognise your name, no-one would reply to you or acknowledge your post, even if they were carrying on a vigorous conversation with everyone else who posted. Not every thread was like this by any means, but you did get a strong sense that if you weren’t “known” you had to build up some kind of following before anyone would engage with you (apart from all the other unknown posters who would reply to each other because we all recognised we weren’t in the first MN rank 😂)

It’s not like that now at all which is much better in most ways. But I think threads are more often like impersonal arguments now, rather than some of the more funny and personal exchanges of yesteryear.

You win some, you lose some though!

[soupmaker]

We stopped at Tebay over the weekend. Me and DH looked at the artisan scotch eggs, gave each other a look and laughed. We also laugh every time he feeds the birds fat balls.

[ilovesooty]

@5zeds

there's less air kissing and sycophantic slobbering over a small group of posters
this is brought up in different ways a lot but I don’t remember it like that at all.

I suppose people remember different things in different ways.

[Myotherdogsaballboy]

Sometimes if you commented on a thread and posters didn’t recognise your name, no-one would reply to you or acknowledge your post, even if they were carrying on a vigorous conversation with everyone else who posted.

That's definitely how it was when I joined. It took me a while to realise how the land lay and that there was an 'in crowd' and the 'unknowns'. I remember my posts and threads often being completely ignored

[GlassDeli]

I suppose people remember different things in different ways.

As the late Queen said, 'Recollections may vary.'

[SadOrWickedFairy]

@ilovesooty

I've been here since 2007. It might not be kinder now but it's bigger and there's less air kissing and sycophantic slobbering over a small group of posters, many of whom seemed pretty toxic anyway.

Agree and I think a lot of posters who reminisce have rose tinted glasses, they don't want to see or admit how cliquey, fawning and at times how nasty it was. If you weren't part of the in crowd who felt they owned the site as they were there at the start you were ignored or sneered at.

Many a time on a thread there would be wait for 'X' she'll give us her wisdom type posts then 'X' would duly arrive, make their not particularly enlightening comment and posters would fall over themselves saying Oh 'X' you're so right/brilliant/clever. Or you would have an unknown make a comment that would be ignored, a member of the in crowd would make the exact same comment cue the fawning. It was instant MN death if anyone dared to go against the accepted in crowd stance and the pile ons were brutal.

All the virtual buffets which were apparently oh so hilarious, the in jokes usually at others expense, as a pp said pretty much straight out of Mallory Towers.

As the site became bigger and more and more posters joined from different backgrounds with different experiences and attitudes that slowly diluted, posters weren't so recognisable and the deference to them stopped, no wonder they preferred the old days.

The site has changed a lot over the years and is better in some ways, worse in others but it still provides a lifeline for a lot of people who are in a bad place for many and various reasons. And I still feel as if I learn a lot on here about politics, relationships, feminism and where to get nice towels .

I agree with this too, overall the site is more interesting as there is a wider spectrum of views and experiences.

[5zeds]

I suppose people remember different things in different ways.

To be honest it’s far more likely I didn’t notice/care. I’m not sure how you air kiss online, and can’t see how you’d know if people were new/old mid thread.

[ClaryFairchild]

I like bits of the old MN and I like bits of the new MN. It's a shame that they're not compatible though.

It definitely is NOT friendlier now. Yes, less of the "in crowd", but at the same time less if the really nasty posters who are nasty for the sake of it, as well.

I think there was a lot of naivety before, and some MNers got quite a scare when identified in RL.

[SoupDragon]

You only have to read some of the posts on this thread to see that it isn't "kinder" at all 😂

[5zeds]

It was instant MN death if anyone dared to go against the accepted in crowd stance and the pile ons were brutal.
I find this more now. I think people used to be more interested in hearing different ways of dealing with things and be happier just to accept that was ok but not for them.

[ClaryFairchild]

Sorry, mis-typed - there are now more of the nasty posters who are nasty for the sake of it, hiding behind anonymity.

[ilovesooty]

Air kissing? Mwah, Mwah, how <are> you? <snogs X> etc.

My recollection is the same as that of @SadOrWickedFairy .

[SadOrWickedFairy]

Yes, there was a lot of that @ilovesooty.

[prampushingdownthehighst]

@newtb

There used to be a brilliant poster in relationships, she was especially good about infidelity. Sadly, she was banned. Can't remember her name.

Something Cognito?

[Bytrgrewd]

@Bluntfuckit

<<waves>>

Ah there you are creepy wee brackets 😁

[mewkins]

@TabithaTittlemouse

We used to look for the unanswered threads and comment on them!

Also we used to get rid of trolls at night by posting hundreds of ridiculous threads to move it off of the main page.

I remember that. Some kind people used to do a kind of sweep up at the end of the day and bump up anything that was unanswered.

[5zeds]

@ilovesooty 🤯I honestly NEVER saw that.

[Jojoanna]

Something Cognito

Cognitoergo I think?? I remember her , I believe she went to be a counsellor .

[MelodyPondsMum]

It was cliquey but still kinder than it is now. And more genuine. It had quite a distinct identity compared to the other forums, websites and groups.
Now it feels harsher, insincere, dumber - the QAnon types; the exhausting gfs trying to turn every thread into a bunfight; the frankly ropey moderation.
There's definitely more misogyny allowed to stand nowadays. I loved how female centred it all was in the old days. The Relationships board helped me so much. I also loved how easily the MRAs were dispatched.
I often think of the poster who would track posters down and send them photos of their front door to show them how easily traceable they were 🙂

[SleepingAgent]

@PermanentTemporary

I used to like the random present swaps - not Christmas. I still use a couple of things I got in them, a set of salad servers and a necklace.

Mn could be pretty sharp back then - i once got a one line telling off from expatinscotland that left me shaking.

Oh yes! Expat was scorching sometimes. I also remember getorfmyland and the vagaries of cod's posting style.
@stillvicarinatutu I remember you too. I've had many name changes.

I feel like my menopausal rage comes out on here more these days - I wonder if lots of posters are the same. Our tolerance we had in our 30's early child years has disappeared with age, work and teenagers

[MayThe4th]

It absolutely isn’t kinder now.

It worked differently because A, some people knew each other off board by virtue of meet-ups etc, also because there were so fewer threads people recognised each other and their circumstances from other threads so a thread was more of a conversation rather than a contest to see who can stick the boot in hardest, such as is now the case on AIBU.

Trolls were well known. E.g. judge flounce was the first troll and she was outed on the boards, as were many others. Now there are so many it’s just not possible to recognise them.

Also it was a community. When misdee’s dh had his heart transplant everyone followed his story from the beginning right up to the time he had the transplant.

When onlyjoking’s dh had a brain tumour a group of MN’ers arranged for food to be delivered to them on a regular basis.

Glimpopo’s 2 year old dd died from SIDS, and MN’ers arranged “mile for maud” in rememberence but also to raise money for the SIDS foundation.

But there were the trolls such as the one whose name escapes me who was fleeing an abusive husband in Japan. And again MN’ers arranged collections for her, for clothes and toys for her children, for someone to put her up.

One of the reasons these things were possible was beause it was a smaller site so people could find out who you were as you were more likely to share your real identity.

So with the positive things that was beneficial, but in the case of the troll someone contacted her family as part of the plan to help her and was then told that none of it was true.

Posters went all out to help some, but when serious trolls like that came on some people were far more deeply taken in than now.

[kimchifox]

Wasn't she just "cog"? Anyway, how does anyone know posters aren't still here under a different user name? Different style of writing? I think a lot of people reinvent themselves a bit when they change usernames. The old timers still posting with their original names are obviously quite happy with their MN identity / style. Maybe they are very secure in themselves! Or maybe they just resurrect the old name from time to time for shits and giggles. Who knows?! I actually slightly hate kimchi for writing "shits and giggles" so she may have to go.

[SleepingAgent]

@newtb

There used to be a brilliant poster in relationships, she was especially good about infidelity. Sadly, she was banned. Can't remember her name.

This is now going to drive me insane as I know exactly who you mean and I can't think of her name!!!