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Original poster

I've been ghosted but I need closure

66 replies

Andjustlikethatihadnoclue · 21/09/2022 07:24

A guy I was seeing for around 6 weeks has ghosted me it appears.
We instantly clicked and everything was going so well, you know when you get that instant spark with someone and it's on fire for both of you. Well that's how it appeared anyway.

He even said he's in love with me. Then I went on holiday but we had a few messages back and forth then all of a sudden they stopped. He's not read my last 2 messages since Friday and I can't get him out mg head.

I feel like a loser as he's clearly just either gone off me or met someone else but I hate not having closure or not knowing.

What would you do? Message or just try love past it?

OP posts:
DressingGownSequins · 21/09/2022 07:26

He was love boming you by saying he loved you that early. Immediate red flag I'm afraid.

Draft an angry text/letter but dont send it.

And fill next few weeks with friends and things you enjoy.

JudithHarper · 21/09/2022 07:26

Just move on, for your own sake.

Original poster
Andjustlikethatihadnoclue · 21/09/2022 07:29

I've never had this before, why go to all the effort of messaging me and meeting up etc to just do this? Seems so odd and cruel

OP posts:

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Dating General relationships
Wibbly1008 · 21/09/2022 07:31

Andjustlikethatihadnoclue · 21/09/2022 07:29

I've never had this before, why go to all the effort of messaging me and meeting up etc to just do this? Seems so odd and cruel

Because he likes the attention and then the “drop” which smugly sees him through the week. Block his number now - they return- when the girl they are seeing gets the same treatment in six weeks time they return to old flames for a quick fix of their ego. Block block block!

Inkanta · 21/09/2022 07:31

I don't think you get closure from these types if he was love bombing you and after fuel supply.

AreolaGrande · 21/09/2022 07:32

You don't get to demand closure when the other person has chosen to cease communication with you.

He lovebombed and discarded you. It's shit but it happens and it was only 6 weeks. Work on your boundaries and move on.

Halstead · 21/09/2022 07:33

What could he possibly say that would 'make it better' and not leave you with more questions?

My dating life 100% took a turn for the better when I learnt that the ghosting is the closure - it tells you all you need to know about the person and how they feel about you.

Whataretheodds · 21/09/2022 07:36

Closure is something you give yourself. You won't get it from him.

Him saying i love you within 6 weeks is a massive red flag. Block him, focus on all the things you want to be doing.

Ghosting is horrible but it is not a reflection on you. Don't fall into the trap of wondering what you did wrong.

TeachesOfPeaches · 21/09/2022 07:39

He has probably told someone else he was in love with them while you were on holiday

nancydroo · 21/09/2022 07:41

Think of him as a lying scum bucket. As soon as you go on holiday he finds someone else. There is no other rational explanation. Every time your mind says but he loves me respond with Liar! You'll get there eventually

Coffeetree · 21/09/2022 07:42

Definitely move on and bullet dodged. You did nothing wrong, you just believed he was a sincere person like you are.

He will come creeping back when he's bored, so better to block him on all platforms now.

Original poster
Andjustlikethatihadnoclue · 21/09/2022 07:57

Jesus is this the thing nowadays then? I must admit I'm new to dating after 10 years etc so all this love bombing and ghosting is so new to me 😫
What fucking horrible people there are. And what a head fuck

OP posts:
DarceyG · 21/09/2022 08:00

Andjustlikethatihadnoclue · 21/09/2022 07:29

I've never had this before, why go to all the effort of messaging me and meeting up etc to just do this? Seems so odd and cruel

It happens all the time to lots of people, even if you didn’t meet him online it’s they way some men act over and over. It’s happened to me twice and now I wouldn’t give a sh#t if it happened. When it first happens it feels horrible and brutal.

seriously, it is not about you. He will do this with everyone he meets and probably has a partner.

DarceyG · 21/09/2022 08:02

Andjustlikethatihadnoclue · 21/09/2022 07:57

Jesus is this the thing nowadays then? I must admit I'm new to dating after 10 years etc so all this love bombing and ghosting is so new to me 😫
What fucking horrible people there are. And what a head fuck

Yes, dating is vile these days I’ve had some horrors but luckily didn’t get in too deep. Obviously there’s nice people too, I instantly know the signs of a love bomber/ghoster now and don’t give them the time of day.

ChagSameachDoreen · 21/09/2022 08:03

Move on.

Pursuing "closure" is what gets women branded as psychos. Just leave it.

DarceyG · 21/09/2022 08:04

ChagSameachDoreen · 21/09/2022 08:03

Move on.

Pursuing "closure" is what gets women branded as psychos. Just leave it.

There is no closure, men like this know from the start it’s going to be a short term situation and just say whatever they need to in the moment to get what they want.

caracvanning · 21/09/2022 08:05

Halstead · 21/09/2022 07:33

What could he possibly say that would 'make it better' and not leave you with more questions?

My dating life 100% took a turn for the better when I learnt that the ghosting is the closure - it tells you all you need to know about the person and how they feel about you.

Wise advice.

Beckyfromthecroft · 21/09/2022 08:05

Lots of red flags. Delete his number and messages so you're not tempted to text or ring and move on.

caracvanning · 21/09/2022 08:07

DarceyG · 21/09/2022 08:02

Yes, dating is vile these days I’ve had some horrors but luckily didn’t get in too deep. Obviously there’s nice people too, I instantly know the signs of a love bomber/ghoster now and don’t give them the time of day.

Show quote history

What are the instant signs of a ghostwriter/,love bomber?

WaveyHair · 21/09/2022 08:08

why go to all the effort of messaging me and meeting up etc to just do this?

Because he posses the penis of entitlement!!

Gives them a feeling of power telling you everything you want to hear, see you fall for it, and then drop you.

The fact he did this should be all the closure you need-it is just a reflection of who he is, not you.

Watch out for the love bombers!!

Original poster
Andjustlikethatihadnoclue · 21/09/2022 08:09

Utter dickhead. I don't understand why men feel the need to do this.

Can't help feeling like an utter mug least I now know it's just him being a dick and an ego boost.

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 21/09/2022 08:12

He is loser not you, anyone decent would end it respectfully.
It wasn't a strong enough connection to last you being away on holiday, so that says more about him, he sounds quite immature to declare his love then ghost so you're better off without him in your life.
Just delete his number and move on. All you can do in future is be wary and see them as someone you're dating rather than someone to love too soon, they need to earn it!

Pyewhacket · 21/09/2022 08:12

There's nothing you can do. Just chalk it up to experience and move on.

whatsthestory123 · 21/09/2022 08:44

agree with everything others have said also the love bombers tend to call you hunni/babe by the 3rd message😄

Original poster
Andjustlikethatihadnoclue · 21/09/2022 08:49

Well I fell for it big time. It really is brutal esp as I've been to his house and he gave me all the lines you want to hear.

I've renamed his number as 'pathetic' so at least I know who it is if he ever gets in contact again.

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