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Original poster

Taking guardianship of young child

57 replies

JessicaJackson · 19/09/2022 21:51

I am currently looking after my friends young daughter. For backstory; friend is young single father to 16 month old. Has been single father since baby was 4 days old. I am young single mother already to 2 children (older than my friends daughter), often help look after his child and for the past few weeks, have been caring for her since before the summer break.

Friend has bought up the subject of me caring for his daughter on a more permanent basis. I would love to and I am planning to get started on the process.

I also work full time (although not past 30hrs per week) and have looked at my options if child does stay with me permanently; as much as changing my hours slightly, I would also need a childminder/ nursery. Would that be an issue or would I be expected to stop working until child is in full time education?

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 19/09/2022 22:10

Are you going to foster her? It's not clear what the situation is here.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 19/09/2022 22:12

Is she going to lose her father? 😞

ShockedConfused1980 · 19/09/2022 22:14

What does this mean for your life and your children? What’s the ‘guardianship’ you’re effectively becoming her mother? For example would you get child allowance? Where is the mother on the scene? Would she want her daughter back one day

Interested in this thread?

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1 year olds Childcare & nursery Families Family law
Lightuptheroom · 19/09/2022 22:16

Contact your local authority and speak to them about private fostering, or if he is looking for you to be something more permanent, ask about a special guardianship order.

RedToothBrush · 19/09/2022 22:16

Sounds messy.

Why is the father so feckless? Why does he want to give up his child? Why did the mother give up the child?

How does the mother feel about you doing this?

Abraxan · 19/09/2022 22:23

Do you mean like this: www.gov.uk/apply-special-guardian

Or are you looking into,fostering and adoption?

Is the mother around at all, to get consent from? If so, does she have parental responsibility still?

Why can the child's father not look after her?

Loginmystery · 19/09/2022 22:25

Where is the child’s mother? Why does dad want to give his child up? Would either parent remain in her life?

you will need to contact social services and get some advice.

Original poster
JessicaJackson · 19/09/2022 22:27

@Lightuptheroom
Thank you. I will ask, I suppose just wanted some insite if anyone had experienced it.

Before people judge the situation; my friend is a single father and his daughters mother passed away shortly after she was born.
Childs father (my friend) is managing with his daughter however is struggling to some extent (his family are religious and his daughter is of a different ethnicity to his family) and so don’t have anything to do with him or his daughter. He is trying his hardest but naturally he feels overwhelmed. Also; his mental health has taken a beating for the last year or so since loosing child’s mother/ his family and having no friends, social life and unable to work.
I have known friend since school and have been helping him out since his daughter was young; and naturally she see’s me as a mother figure.

We are looking at options that are best for his daughter as she is my main concern right now. As I said; she isnt in danger but I feel and know I would be able to provide more for her than father can right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
JessicaJackson · 19/09/2022 22:29

I’m not sure exactly what all the different terms are in regards to guardianship or fostering, so unsure what to call it.

I would still want child’s father to be in contact and I know he would want to be. The main motivation for the legal aspect is because friend lives across the other end of town and so for stability and ease it would be better for his daughter to be attending a nursery and have a doctor nearby to myself as opposed to father as I would be the one taking on that responsibility instead of father (if that makes sense)

OP posts:
bbcdefg · 19/09/2022 22:30

I'm not sure you can just do this as easily as you want to.

Sprogonthetyne · 19/09/2022 22:31

If you've had her since before summer break that's at least 2 months already (assuming your in England and summer hols from mid July). As she's only a toddler anyway, it won't be long before she doesn't remember a life away from you. You should probably have already informed the LA, as your already in the role of informal Foster parent, so they will need to do some checks.

fallinover · 19/09/2022 22:37

You need to contact your local authority sharpish and explain that you are in a private fostering arrangement that you would like formalized.

Original poster
JessicaJackson · 19/09/2022 22:43

Thanks I will give them a call tomorrow @fallinover

OP posts:
Honeysuckle16 · 19/09/2022 22:45

It’s great that you’re helping this little girl. As a former foster parent, I’d strongly suggest you get in touch with Social Services Children and Families team. They will guide you through the best way to support your care of her. For example, you’ll need authority to take her to a dentist, GP or A&E. Also to sign forms for a childminder or nursery. They’ll discuss if you’re eligible for financial support also.

Good luck, you sound like a wonderful person.

ClaryFairchild · 19/09/2022 22:47

He is her FATHER. Most women in the same situation will turn their lives upside down in order to bring their child up. How can you even look at him with anything but contempt that he is trying to get someone else (a woman!!) to look after HIS child in this way?

GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 19/09/2022 22:50

I think you need to consult with a solicitor who specialises in family and adoption law.

Original poster
JessicaJackson · 19/09/2022 22:53

@Honeysuckle16
Thank you. I will be speaking to them first thing tomorrow.
I just want to help and I can’t sit by and watch her get lost in the system. I will do whatever it takes.

OP posts:
ImAvingOops · 19/09/2022 22:54

If I was in your shoes I'd want legal adoption so that everything was stable and he couldn't just take her back once she and I had bonded properly and she saw me as her mother.
You need proper legal advice.

Psychogeography · 19/09/2022 22:59

ClaryFairchild · 19/09/2022 22:47

He is her FATHER. Most women in the same situation will turn their lives upside down in order to bring their child up. How can you even look at him with anything but contempt that he is trying to get someone else (a woman!!) to look after HIS child in this way?

This. Children do best with birth parents who can care for them with reasonable adequacy. If you want to help this child, you should be aiming to help him get support in place to help him cope, not going along with the idea that it’s ‘natural’ that he can’t.

saraclara · 19/09/2022 22:59

This is pretty scary stuff. It seems like you fell in love with this baby early on, and in 'supporting' your friend have actually (possibly deliberately?) de-skilled him to the point that he's allowing you to take over the child.

I'm sorry but I think this is wrong. You've deliberately let the baby see you as it's mother over the past year, which has made the fathers job infinitely harder.

It's almost like the plot of a psycho drama.

Original poster
JessicaJackson · 19/09/2022 23:06

Trust mumsnet to see the worst in a good situation…

im out

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 19/09/2022 23:11

@ClaryFairchild

He is her FATHER. Most women in the same situation will turn their lives upside down in order to bring their child up. How can you even look at him with anything but contempt that he is trying to get someone else (a woman!!) to look after HIS child in this way?

He is only 16 or 17 & has lost the mother of the child and his family won't speak to him. Sorry but I'm not surprised he's struggling.

OP you might be able to foster as you would get funding. She might also be eligible for other help like free nursery or childminder?

Well done you are a good friend. What a lovely thing to do.

bbcdefg · 19/09/2022 23:11

But it's not your place to take on the child. The right thing to do is direct your friend to support from social services / health visitor and the like

bbcdefg · 19/09/2022 23:12

Where are you seeing the father is 16 or 17? I haven't seen that have I missed it?

converseandjeans · 19/09/2022 23:14

@bbcdefg

I think I misread 16 months for 16 years