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Original poster

Taking guardianship of young child

57 replies

JessicaJackson · 19/09/2022 21:51

I am currently looking after my friends young daughter. For backstory; friend is young single father to 16 month old. Has been single father since baby was 4 days old. I am young single mother already to 2 children (older than my friends daughter), often help look after his child and for the past few weeks, have been caring for her since before the summer break.

Friend has bought up the subject of me caring for his daughter on a more permanent basis. I would love to and I am planning to get started on the process.

I also work full time (although not past 30hrs per week) and have looked at my options if child does stay with me permanently; as much as changing my hours slightly, I would also need a childminder/ nursery. Would that be an issue or would I be expected to stop working until child is in full time education?

OP posts:
ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 20/09/2022 06:28

Be prepared for your so called friend to piss off and not pay you a single penny of maintenance once you have his DD. I know you’re not doing this for the money but thin air isn’t going to buy food/school uniform etc. This has disaster written all over it.

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 20/09/2022 06:33

RainingRubies · 20/09/2022 02:48

As a friend you should have been supporting this man so that he could parent his child, who is all he had left of his late wife. Instead you seem to have taken over to the point that he's now handing her to you. Because you haven't let him gain the skills that he needed to be a dad.

What? The father is a kid himself pretty much! And bereaved. OP has been helping him and hugely kind and clearly putting the child's needs first. From what she's said making the situation formal was not her idea, either. How can you be so unpleasant to somebody who has done such a kind thing to try to help a child who has lost their mother and has a very, very young father who can't cope? She has offered to take the child into her family - because she has been asked to by the father - and he wants to still be involved in her life but for her needs to be met. Clearly as a kid himself and in grief he is struggling to do this over a significant period of time despite having support, understandably given his age. Yes I'd say the same of a mother in that situation - the child's needs should come first. Honestly, what is wrong with people, having a go at the OP? How many of you would do as much for a friend's child as she is willing to do?

The OP hasn’t given the dad’s age. The confusion was cleared up earlier that the child is 16 months, not the dad being 16 years 🙄

JessicaBrassica · 20/09/2022 06:36

Children do best with birth parents who can care for them with reasonable adequacy.

I'm not sure that's correct. Children do best in stable units where they are loved and cared for. Doesn't have to be birth parents. In my immediate family the only person brought up by birth parents was the only one who was abused. Those of us fostered and adopted had much happier and more stable childhoods.

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mellongoose · 20/09/2022 06:55

OP @JessicaJackson are the grandparents or family from mum's side around that could help if they knew how hard he was finding it?

Hope you can access the support you need.

Samarie123 · 20/09/2022 07:21

What a lucky girl she is having someone who wants to look after and care for her. You are doing an amazing thing OP.

keeprunning55 · 20/09/2022 07:24

You sound like a really lovely and caring friend. I do hope things all work out for the best for everyone. I think applying to foster her sounds like the best route.

SD1978 · 20/09/2022 09:59

@RainingRubies - any family tax credits, or other benefits that the father is entitled to as a single parent

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