New house was a massive mistake

[Undone21]

Hi all,

was hoping for some pearls of wisdom. We moved house about 3 months ago and I know deep down it was a massive, massive mistake. The house needs a lot more work than I had anticipated, knew it needed redecoration etc but it needs a new kitchen, bathroom, radiators etc, windows etc, skirting boards are rotten which had been hidden by the vendors. I’ve always been quite anxious in nature but my anxiety is through the roof, I’ve had to go to the doctors for medication and I cry daily and struggle to get out of bed as I loathe the place and regret buying it. Im struggling to concentrate at work and am totally absorbed and obsessive about what a mistake buying this house was.

Even after the minimal work i have planned (that I can afford) I know it won’t be a home and I feel utterly miserable here. Has anyone been through the same thing? Did you sell and did it work out in the end? Im trying to give it a year but I’m struggling to see how I can live here week to week at the moment.

Its not a case of just giving it time to make it ours, the kitchen is rotting as there was a leak that had never been sorted, woodchip wallpaper in all the bedrooms and I think the whole place needs totally gutting which is not affordable.

Okay - take a deep breath.

did you have a budget for work when you bought it? I know it’s worse than you thought but you knew it needed some work?

decide what you want to do. Patch it up live there for a year and so and sell - or gradually work though the to do list?

I estimated my house needed £40k of work when I bought it last year - it is now looking like £120k in total🙈. I made a prioritised list and am working though it. I suspect I overpaid for the house but it’s okay - I plan to stay here for twenty years at least so I am doing the works, with some additional borrowing. It took me a few months to get my head around this all - now I am focused on making the house my own.

what do you need to do now to make the house habitable? Is the kitchen the main priority - how much can you spend on it?

Can you get it valued to see if you could afford to move now ?

I think I’m the recent market where competition was so high to get anything this isn’t that uncommon, a similar thread is here:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/property/4606613-buyers-remorse-and-costs?page=1

What are things like the electrics, boiler, roof and window like? How much had you budgeted?

I felt the same when we moved a few years ago, and felt so miserable. Can you afford to do some things which be visually pleasing initially? I found this really helped. No clutter, having flowers and candles also until we could start the work. We started with what bothered me most - the kitchen floor. Once that was replaced - I knew we could fix things even though it would take time.

What sort of survey did you have?

I felt similar when we moved in to
ours- we knew it needed a lot of
cosmetic work but it actually needed a lot more than that. I remember the night we got the keys coming in to the hideously decorated, musty smelling house and realising that it needed more than a lick of paint…

Fast forward 8 years and I’ve really grown to love this place. We haven’t done anything in the order we thought we would and having actually lived in it for a while we’ve done some things quite differently. We got it magnoliad throughout when we moved in (even that was wrong, I wanted timeless but it wouldn’t cover the hideous colours it was painted) and hall, stairs, landing and bedrooms remain magnolia! But it’s ok, the woodchip in those rooms has our pictures hanging on it, our furniture in the rooms and I’ve stopped noticing it really. The rooms we’ve done properly are really nice, well thought out rooms, they make it possible to see past the crappiness.

Each time you get ahead of yourself just try to bring it back to what needs doing immediately. You don’t know what will happen or how you will feel in five years, five months or five weeks really. Make a list of “easy wins” -stuff that’s cheap and easy to do but helps you to feel you’re making progress and if you feel bogged down then focus on one of those. I learned quickly if it’s a big project you have to accept you’ll end up doing some things twice, but it was important to me to have a house that felt acceptable for me to live in rather than thinking there was no point hanging pictures or decorating a room that I knew needed replastering.

And finally, your thinking definitely sounds like that of an anxious and/or depressed person, keep going trying to manage that and you may well start to see things differently, and if you don’t, you’ll be able
to make a clearer plan on what to do.

Hi everyone, thank you some great replies here. We had a structural survey, bones of the house seem to be ok although a few things they’ve missed. They reported that the kitchen was ‘satisfactory and serviceable’. It isn’t, it absolutely stinks of rotten wood in here as there was a leak.

I think this is probably all my own doing; the house was advertised as needing modernisation but having viewed it I thought it was mainly cosmetic other than definitely needing a new bathroom. Boiler is new, roof is ok according to a roofer and electrics have been given the ok by an electrician.

I’m trying to think of the positives and the reason we bought it (more space, nice area), but the loathing and dread I have every day waking up is getting worse and worse.

I agree that you need a plan! As a fellow worrier, finding somewhere to start is what you need, especially if it feels overwhelming. If the kitchen is rotten, do the kitchen first.

Paint is cheap and transformative. Slap it up. As others has said, make it yours. Cheap rugs? Second hand furniture?

I'm in the middle of a complete gutting of our house but we expected it. Still very difficult and expensive.

Could you put a new bathroom on finance? I'd focus on the functional bits first. You need somewhere to prepare food and somewhere to wash. Is the heating ok? Tackle one space at a time.

I feel your pain. I’ve hated the house we bought since day one and been here four years now. You have had some good advice and I hope you can come to love it eventually. Houses are like lovers I think. Sometimes it is just never going to work and the best thing to do is decide how to split with the least damage.

I'm not being funny, as they say, but what about your partner, what do they think? Sometimes people come together because one of you is a worrier about some things, but the other one can calm that down, whilst you can give advice to them on other issues.

It should be easier managing these issues, if you share the load, but you say 'I' a lot. If two people liked it at the start, that's a good sign, and less room for real error than just one person relying on their own judgement.

Could you go for a cheaper, basic kitchen and bathroom to leave more dosh over for the other snags and renovations? That way, you can maybe do it quicker. It sounds like the dirtiness of the rot smelling place is getting you down. Would you feel happy just to take it all out, have people in to deep clean, and go a bit cheap and cheerful, in places?

We are having a new basic bathroom in about 4 weeks, I don’t want anything flash at all, cheap and cheerful is fine I just want a house that actually feels like a home. Same as the kitchen, we have borrowed some money for a flat pack kitchen and are having a builder in to do it for us, but that won’t be until the new year as the walls will also need sorting out from where the leak was.
for the poster that asked, my other half wasn’t keen on the house when we viewed, but it was the right area and we thought it was just cosmetic really so decided to go ahead.

There is so much that you can do yourselves. You really don't need a builder for loads of things. The skirting boards, walls, trim work, is all easy to do.

I am about 4 months in and had exactly the same problem.

I've made a list and prioritised what is bothering me the most/ needs doing the most!

Had the damp done(shown in survey but didnt think of all the extra decorating after that would be needed!) had carpets re-laid and put in where needed. The kitchen n bathroom here are functional so saving whilst doing up the other rooms. So far have learnt to redo the windows, painting ,decorating and some filling in to make it miles better if not sorted.

If you want to Pm me even for support or advice, another set of eyes on a subject , maybe others could have ideas if you posted pics?

Its so difficult to deal with. You will make it your own. It will be lovely just as you want.

And when , bit by bit, its done...you will get a real kick out of what you have done yourself ( i have one room done 100% and i love love love it!)

Also if you are in my area , I'm willing to trade labour for labour! lol I'm sure there are others who would be the same !

Good luck , it will get better!

I think you will feel so much better when you have the new bathroom and kitchen in. You’re lucky the survey shows nothing too expensive is needed like a new roof.

Well, it's a lesson learned - in need of modernisation doesn't mean 'cosmetic'; it's shorthand for £££££! But, location, location, location ... if you like the size and layout of the house, and it's in the right place, you can fix it. Whereas, cosmetic but too small and in the wrong location is rarely fixable.

As others said, draw up lists and budgets. We downsized from a lovely house - we all loved it, but it was 300 miles too far west. Now, house is much smaller with less garden and no off road parking. But it's in the right place, and we've now got central heating, a kitchen, bathroom and are starting on the peripheral stuff. I did have doubts (not as strong as yours, OP), but it was all worth it.

it took me a year for my house to actually feel like mine - and there is still a long way to go on the work.

I made some cosmetic changes to the outside of the house - took away awful evergreen trees, improved the front garden etc. not expensive but as I drive up it looks different and I fee I have stamped it as mine. I changed all the blondes I the house - which cost about £1k but really improved every room and makes the place look better from outside.

then I ripped out the bathroom and ensuite and replaced them. I shopped around and got good deals. Spend money on taps and tiles so it all looks more expensive than it is.

that probably all came to about £15k.

now I am starting on an extension and downstairs refurb. So I am living in a building site!!

it will be worth it in the end - and the house will be completely mine - very little left from the previous owner.

to be honest if I had known the I would end up doing. This much work I probably wouldn’t have bought it. But I know I will love the finished article. The area is perfect - the garden is beautiful and and the house will be perfect once I am finished.

I will just be very very poor😂

It can, and will, get better and it can. and will, feel like home.

Stop looking at the house in its entirety and write yourself a list, a separate page for each item, starting with the most important job down to the least important job.

Work out what you can afford and make it work. Don't watch interior design shows where they magically find an extra 40K to finish the kitchen - be realistic.

You can do this, be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.

I bought a similar house as a first time buyer, we had absolutely no money left over after we completed. I made two lists, one of things I needed a professional for and another a list of things we could cobble together ourselves. Then did each bit as we could.

If you are happy with keeping it simple you will make progress. We had to replace skirting as it was rotted from a leak, it wasn't too hard. When you do the kitchen and bathroom use Lino for the floor, tile as little as possible and paint the rest with washable paint. It will soon come together.

The day we moved into this house, I drive to the estate agents to see what we could get instead. I hated it. Again, though cosmetic, it was in a far worse state than it seemed, and the traffic noise that I thought I could live with was already bringing me to tears.

I didn't want to unpack, and I wouldn't let my DH unpack anything more than the essentials. I couldn't believe that I'd left my 'nest with my two small children and bright them to this awful place. My poor DH. He must have wondered what on earth to do with me.

30 years later and I'm still here and can't imagine ever moving. It's home.

Op are you generally a worrier/? As your post sounds to me (as a really anxious person) like this is your anxiety and fear speaking - not the truth.

You have a house - it's not perfect but there is a lot you can do. In 3 months you are not yet feeling at home.

Can you make a list of all the changes you can make right now - as others have said - candles, cushions, painting the walls - then urgent work needed and a budget.

Part of this feeling is not the house it is your anxiety speaking. Even if the house is a mistake - it doesn't mean you need to now panic. People make far bigger errors - you need to look at how to move forward not worry about the past decisions.

We were in the same position and sold after a year. I hated it, it made me miserable. My anxiety was through the roof. Best decision ever. Life is too short to be miserable.

We've been in our house nearly 5 years and we too have had far more than we bargained for! You've got 2 choices, you either go through quick and cheap getting as many rooms to as bearable as possible as quickly as possible, or you rotate around living in a reduced portion of the house while each room is done thoroughly.

As first timers, we started with easy rooms like bedrooms - strip, quick undercoat, reasonably affordable carpet, done. Then dining/lounge, quick paint, decent-ish flooring - done. Then we had a reasonably large comfort zone to tackle the big ones, bathroom and kitchen. These are the rooms that caused us the biggest stresses - we spent a full 2 weeks just getting the kitchen as a room ready before any units could be put in, with rotting concrete and plastering to sort out. I would recommend doing these rooms as fully and as completely as possible! I don't want to have to go without a bathroom or kitchen again for at least 10 years!!! Also, we trashed the old kitchen/bathroom while we were doing other rooms so probably better we did them last.

We worked quite intensively for about 2-3 years and have relaxed to a more sedate pace over the last 1-2 years. Must admit I didn't really relax until the kitchen was done - it was truly vile! There is still a small list to do, and the cheap rooms might need a fresh coat of paint before we sell, but its our time and choice now, not because it is offensive to eyes and noses!

Modernising an old house is the only time in my life when I have felt well and truly 'beaten'. I kept going by saying 'it only has to be done once' Good luck!

Have you looked for free kitchens on market place? I have got a load of kitchen doors, great quality and printable and will just need the actual cabinets to complete it.
I think if you are savvy you can probably do everything for cheaper than you think and it will last long enough you can save for the dream version.

I was going to suggest borrowing more money if you can. If that’s not an option, get stuck into some diy asap….you can do a lot yourselves like removing the woodchip or if you can’t afford to get the walls skimmed you could try putting that liner wallpaper on top and painting it until you have more money. You’ll feel better once you have at least one room sorted and you can put your own stamp on it.

focus on the positives, the area is good which is definitely the most important thing when buying a house. The really expensive things like the boiler, roof and electrics are also good. The bathroom and kitchen will sorted soon enough.
get watching some YouTube on how to replace skirting boards etc.