New house was a massive mistake

[Undone21]

Hi all,

was hoping for some pearls of wisdom. We moved house about 3 months ago and I know deep down it was a massive, massive mistake. The house needs a lot more work than I had anticipated, knew it needed redecoration etc but it needs a new kitchen, bathroom, radiators etc, windows etc, skirting boards are rotten which had been hidden by the vendors. I’ve always been quite anxious in nature but my anxiety is through the roof, I’ve had to go to the doctors for medication and I cry daily and struggle to get out of bed as I loathe the place and regret buying it. Im struggling to concentrate at work and am totally absorbed and obsessive about what a mistake buying this house was.

Even after the minimal work i have planned (that I can afford) I know it won’t be a home and I feel utterly miserable here. Has anyone been through the same thing? Did you sell and did it work out in the end? Im trying to give it a year but I’m struggling to see how I can live here week to week at the moment.

Its not a case of just giving it time to make it ours, the kitchen is rotting as there was a leak that had never been sorted, woodchip wallpaper in all the bedrooms and I think the whole place needs totally gutting which is not affordable.

I've been through some houses and done some of the work myself. It wasn't a perfect fix but it helped to get over the bump. I installed a second hand kitchen with my Dad.

Break it down, make a list. It will get easier

been in similar position
it just over facing at the moment
you’ve got kitchen and bathroom in hand
as for bedrooms just paint over what’s there white emulsion and one coat gloss freshers and tidy everything up then give you time to plan and save to do them properly

Rome wasn't built in a day as they say. You've already got plans to fix up the bathroom and kitchen - which will be so much better - not too long to wait. In the meantime maybe you could start with your bedroom - plan how you would like it and give it a makeover if you can - try and stay realistic in your planning. What can you do? Paint the walls - get inexpensive blinds that you can put up yourself? Rip up any horrible dirty carpet and replace with cheap but new carpet or a rug? Even just buying a scented candle or something to make it smell nice would be a start. Cosy blanket or cushions? Try and make one room your sanctuary is what I'm saying.

FB marketplace may be your friend for some second hand bits and bobs.

You can always put it on the market as well and see if you get an offer which works financially for you to move out.

am totally absorbed and obsessive about what a mistake buying this house was.

While I would say most houses need more work than you think when you buy them, this does make me wonder if you always have something that you worry about - at the moment it's the house, but what was it before that? From what you say the only thing that has changed your plans for renovating the house is the leak in the kitchen, so that's just one thing which you've already got in hand and are dealing with. One thing isn't a reason to write the house off, house ownership always comes with repair and maintenance bills so try to keep it in proportion OP because it sounds like you are getting the house sorted nicely.

That’s good that the big things are solid. The leak in the kitchen is a pain but better the leak happened now before kitchen done so it can be all sorted and you’ll know it is all fine once the kitchen is done .

As other have said skirting boards are easy to sort yourself. There’s always a stage when doing a house where it all gets worse before it gets better then suddenly it all starts coming together.

I think it’s worth getting your bedroom sorted as soon as possible as ending and starting the day somewhere nice helps. There’s a knack to getting wood chip off. Score the top and wet with warm sponge then scrape with something like this:

www.amazon.co.uk/Amtech-G0954-Scraper-Extension-Handle/dp/B01AFY55M8/ref=pd_lpo_3?pd_rd_i=B01AFY55M8&th=1

It sounds like the main things you can't change, the space, location etc are ok? The new kitchen and bathroom are being sorted and those are the big ticket things.

Skirting boards and woodchip you can deal with yourself, one room at a time.

Do the windows need to be done right this second? Can they wait a year with a bit of tlc and then you can look at finance?

You sound overwhelmed which is understandable but I think if you break it down into small steps it will feel more achievable.

I think the advice to tackle what bothers you most first and improve with small touches like flowers and decoration is spot on. I personally find replacing boring/old light fittings and lightshades with nicer ones can make a big difference. I hated the undersized 70s mouldy-yellow tassled lightshade in our room when we bought this place (also a big modernisation job) and just replacing that with an inexpensive stylish drum shade one a) made the room much brighter and b) really cheered me up every time I walked in the room.

TBH, I think if this house is in the right place and is the right size, and you're planning to stay long term, stick with it, because there's no issues that can't ultimately be dealt with and it's structurally sound.

It is worth it - we've got only one 'unmodernised' room left (DS's, that he's not that bothered with) and it took us 6 years to get there!

I empathise OP. Slightly different concerns (we don't have to live in it, and although the budget was blown, we could manage it) but we are now in month 10 of a 4-5 month refurb. We were aware of quite a bit of the work that needed doing, but there was a ton of expensive surprises too. Its been thoroughly depressing tbh, delay after delay, let down badly by trades recently. I hate going to see it at the moment. It's caused rows between dh and I. I think we're finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel, but I refuse to get any hopes up. Good luck to you.

Similar situation. So so many hidden problems. The bathroom leaked straight onto the room below, roof leaking just so much disaster and just twatty behavior wrecked carpets they removed taps before they left (who does that?) and fitted new ones incredibly bad that leaked, kitchen was a disaster etc I cried for so many months, we couldn't use so many of the rooms. Lots and lots of hidden problems.
We ended up taking out 2 loans, which were still paying off, but that got us a lot of things fixed or renovated, currently sitting in a warm dry sitting room! We're 5 years in and still have some rooms to tackle, but it started feeling like home after the kitchen being done, about 2 years in.
Get a damp meter too, it became my best friend.

Hi OP. I do feel for you. I bought a house not requiring much work but could not settle and hated it. After 6 months sold with zero regrets. Love the house I bought instead. Life is too short to be miserable!

Hi everyone, more great advice thank you. I think I can definitely be more hands on and do more stuff to make it more habitable so will try and do this. And hopefully once the kitchen and bathroom are done it will feel more habitable. I think it’s hard to get over the fact we bought when the market was at its peak and there was little available- I don’t think we ever would have gone for this house in a ‘normal’ market but it felt like the only thing we could get.

Im concerned about spending what little money we have on ‘improvements’ that won’t neccesarily make the house more sellable if we still feel like this in a year, ie the bathroom is the cheapest we can get, kitchen too. I think people would still view it and think it needs gutting and so we would lose that money.

I will try and use some of the tips given on here to get me through. Would love nothing more than to fall in love with this house and not move again, it just feels like an unaffordable and unachievable feat at the moment. Thank you all.

In the mid term, get the kitchen and bathroom done, but also, can you stretch to getting maybe your bedroom and the living room done? How much work do they realistically need, and how much of it can you do?

It helps - a LOT - if you have one or two 'done' rooms you can retreat to while the rest of the house is chaos. If it's just a lick of paint and new skirting board (which is really really easy to install, honestly!) it will make a big difference to your frame of mind; it's living in a state where everything feels shit that really grinds, in my experience.

And also, you've had three really big things ticked off that would either be very expensive or very disruptive (or both!). That's great news, as everything else can be chipped away at by you.

Have a watch of channel 4’s ‘Worst House in the street’ should give you some inspiration and hope. It’s people that bought the ‘worst house’ in the best location and have then done it up. Lots of good tips too.

And it talks a lot about what adds value and what doesn’t

I agree with others saying you can do far more than you think. We have next to no budget and are doing up our house. We knew it was in a bad state because we rented it before buying, and the survey was helpful, but I didn't know whether the stairs were rotten (they weren't, thank goodness), and it's still possible we've got issues elsewhere that we've not yet found. Some of the flooring has been rotten.

I'm currently figuring out how to make my kitchen liveable without spending out on it. I am not going to buy a fitted kitchen; that's just way too expensive. We know it's mouldy and there's clearly damp and/or a leak somewhere. We had a crack in the concrete floor which I've filled (water was coming in); we've ripped out the wall cabinets and mended the cracked/missing plaster. I can't afford new cabinets but I can afford open shelves.

When we get to it (soon!) we are going to rip out the base cabinets and we're fairly sure some of the ominous damp is behind them - either the crack in the flooring runs under them, or there's a leaking pipe, or both. Again, I can't afford new base cabinets but I bought a secondhand dresser base instead. It wasn't super cheap - it's Ercol; I like secondhand furniture and was confident I'd like it in other places in the house too - but obviously way cheaper than a fitted kitchen.

What I'm trying to get at is that if you can bear to think outside the box, you can often do things more cheaply, and more gradually (so you don't have one huge bill).

We found neighbours and youtube both brilliant for learning how to do things like patching plaster. I wouldn't say I am particularly capable, but slowly we're getting there.

I could have written this to the letter.

We got a place to extend, but as we peel back the layers there are some serious problems with the house, which is all costing a lot more than we anticipated and taking farm ore time.

However, we have found ways to be smart with money, we have some great contacts in various trades...we are taking time to commit to making this place incredible. We are really researching our options, taking a lot of time to choose colours and skirting boards, as well as having fun ripping out old units and stripping wallpaper. I find it quite therapeutic, as each bit I tear down will be replaced with something sparkly and new. One step at a time.

It's really hard and I feel your pain, absolutely. I think it's a good idea to give it a year, but do all you can to slowly improve things. Can you spread the cost on an interest free credit card? Can you do any of it yourself?

In the short term, I have bought lots of fresh flowers and slightly more posh candles to help the place feel better. This has helped me to feel more comfortable here.

Do you like the layout of your kitchen? Our kitchen units had the vinyl peeling off. They looked awful. I had them professionally spray painted at the fraction of the cost of new ones and they look really great now. So glad I did this.

OP I could have written your original post. This is me, similar dates. No advice for loving it, however I’m planning to sell early 2024 before the stamp duty increase. Life is too short so get the fuck out, even at a loss, as whatever house you buy may be cheaper too.

I’m in the same boat. We moved here a year ago and I have regretted it every day. We are trying to move but the market isn’t great at the moment. I feel very trapped and unhappy with all the work that needs doing, I’m also pregnant so I want to be out before the baby arrives. All I can say is take each day as it comes, do something small that will eventually make a different. Even a lick of fresh paint everywhere will brighten it up for now. It’s not forever, don’t sacrifice your happiness for a home you don’t love. Good luck.

Watch The Moneypit to get a perspective on things.

Get all the walls and floors sorted out first before anything else and try to envisage each room when it’s completed.

Your glass is half full not half empty as you have the wonderful opportunity of turning a house into a home.

I’m in Facebook group that offers excellent advice and ideas especially if you are on a budget.

facebook.com/groups/300056586848218/

Not good. If that were me, I would make a couple of rooms habitable then put it on the market after Christmas. We all make mistakes, don’t beat yourself up about it.

What helped me when I bought a wreck, was having it professionally deep cleaned.

I went to the pub for three hours, came back and a team of four cleaners had transformed the place. it smelled amazing.

After that, I tackled one room at a time - the first one being the living/dinning kitchen, as I spent the most time there. Honestly, six months later, I was really happy and able to relax.

It does get better.

Good luck with selling, everything crossed for you. It’s hard throwing money at something you hate, but I feel I need to for someone to buy it. Out of interest what would you say when asked ‘why are you moving?’

Op what is it you’re doing, did you buy it to sell on, or did you buy it as a home. Because you’re talking about selling it in a year. That’s very short term if you don’t intend to renovate. Very few people just buy a home to live in for a year. It’s an expensive way to live. And it’s likely you will loose money, and a lot.with all the fees associated with that.

if a house is advertised as in need of modernisation it generally means it’s in a bad state, so far it does seem like just cosmetic, other than the leak. It’s clearly not structural but I don’t think you’ve the money to fix the cosmetics. So you must have bought it as that’s all you could afford and knowing you couldn’t afford to do it up.

is this your first owned house? I am struggling with understanding your intent L you appear to have bought a houde you couldn’t afford to do up and will sell in a year, renting would have been cheaper?