When does Christmas go down a generation?

[Improvising]

My Mum is an amazing host, always has been. But.. I'd quite like to host Christmas Day now I have a husband and DC of my own. She is on her own now and it's quite a lot for her. She's completely capable but also slightly old fashioned so it's just always quite a formal strange day where it could be much more relaxed and fun at our house.
Does anyone have any experience of this? I would hate to patronize her, so saying it'll make life easier for her isn't really an option.

Just say you are doing Christmas at home this year. She is welcome to come if she wants!

No one owns Christmas

As soon as we had dc we said we are doing xmas day at our house and people can come to ours if they want to see us on Xmas day. Happy to travel to see people on surrounding days but xmas day is at ours

Yes, what these two said. Indeed no one owns Christmas

Once you have your own children.

This!

It normally gets handed over when the kids have kids, so sounds like it’s overdue

It depends on the family but since you have children of your own now is a good time to say 'Mum, we'd like to have Christmas at home this year for the kids so they can play with their toys so why don't you come to us this year. If you could make a Christmas cake/pudding/mince pies/your speciality for us that would be fabulous'.

It's right and proper that the job of Christmas passes from one generation to the next. If it's a gradual changeover before it all gets too much for them that's probably the easiest for the older generation.

Ours has been a gradual change over. The venue change has been easy. Getting the chef 👩‍🍳 (mum) out the kitchen and to leave the oven is proving more difficult.

When DH and I bought our first flat at 25 years old, we insisted that we host Christmas! I don't think we asked - we told! How precocious 😅
So our family crowded around our little table in our grotty kitchen. We've hosted most years since (and now have more space). DH cooks an incredible roast.
I'm amazed that people are still guests in their parents home for Christmas well into their 30s. I feel like our parents' generation weren't?

I'm 65 now. Ran a one adult household for a long time and have done umpteen Christmas dinners (albeit in the old fashioned way - maybe 10 round the table). It is suspected I am actually bipolar. I certainly do not respond well to the stress of Christmas and this gets worse as the years go by. So time for your mum to have a break! You just have to hope she does not insist on doing a 'do' on Boxing Day.

When my husband and I bought our first house together, we invited both sets of parents round for Christmas (I also invited my sister and her family but knew they wouldn't come as they normally do their own thing). Before that I had been at my parents' for every single Christmas. Since then, we have gotten into a new tradition of alternating between Christmas at my parents' and Christmas at ours (with family invited). My mum and I both love hosting but it's also nice to have a break for a year so it works out well for us all. As others have said, I would just tell your mum you would like to host this year. She might appreciate the change too.

You’re overthinking it , she may well be hoping you take over after all these years - just say you’re hosting her this year

She might be thinking it’s time op took this on!

If she’s reluctant why don’t you invite her to help
you get it ready at your house? That’s what me and mum do, team effort, we always share a bottle while we get it ready, it lovely.

Be warned though, once you have it that’s that. I would love one last Christmas arriving 30 mins before the Turkey, looking all glam and slightly buzzed from the pub and then being able to trot off home afterwards without all the cooking, stress and expense.

There just comes a year when you realise your parent is doing you a massive favour because Christmas dinner is a huge hassle and expense and your illusion that they really really love having you for Christmas dinner every year and would be heartbroken if you didn't want to go is shattered

I'm amazed that people are still guests in their parents home for Christmas well into their 30s. I feel like our parents' generation weren't?

Try well into their 50s for BIL, his children are all adults now and his expectation still is to travel up to Scotland to go to MILs house every year even though she's in her 80s. When we have MIL for Christmas he and his family come too and DH refuses to consider not inviting them. To make it worse BIL is a very ungrateful house guest (probably because he has never hosted so has no idea of the work involved in hosting). Fuck knows what they plan to do when MIL dies because I only put up with them for her sake.

Yes, young DC is a good time. We host Xmas now and the first time we did it “properly” was when I was pregnant. Long may it continue, I much prefer being in my own house & am happy to tell people to go home at a reasonable hour 😂

We had a few relaxed years before that, though, as my gran died shortly before Xmas a few years back and my mum didn’t want to do traditional celebrations after that, so went on holiday somewhere hot for a few years. I joined her on a couple of those and had a couple of chilled out festive seasons with DH. Mum is now in full-on grandmother mode with my DC and happy to be ‘traditional’ again whilst they’re young.

As soon as I had children.
I am not removing children from the comfort of their own home and new toys to go visiting.
Others are welcome to visit, eat, lifts will be provided if needed.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Just say you d love to take your turn at hosting this year and you'd love her to come along. You could alternate in the next few years until she has had enough or she might be relieved that the pressure of off. No biggie unless she is completely a control freak.

I much prefer being in my own house & am happy to tell people to go home at a reasonable hour 😂

That only is possible if you all live close to each other. For many people Christmas involves a trek across the country and staying in someone else's house for several days.

Yes, when we had a disastrous Xmas at my parents all 4 of us sharing a room and littlest struggling to nap, eldest struggling to fall asleep and DH keeping us all awake with his snoring. It's a 4 hour drive so with a day to pack and unpack either side, we said no more!

I love this!! So true!!!

My daughter hosted Christmas once she had children so they could play with their presents at home.

I alternate cooking and hosting with my mum, we live close enough that it’s just a meal, not an overnight trip. Whoever isn’t hosting brings pudding or starter.

My in-laws don’t like a big meal, so we have Christmas cake and mince pies with them at tea-time instead. One year it’s the big meal with my parents on Christmas Day, and tea with the in-laws on Boxing Day, and then the next year we do it the other way around.

In case your worried about suggesting it, the first year we hosted Christmas I found my mum in tears before lunch (and after a couple of glasses of champagne) on Christmas Day as, apparently, it was the first time she had really enjoyed Christmas for decades. In part, this was due to not being with her own MIL but it was largely due to being able to sit back and enjoy it all rather than being responsible for everything

Pretty much since we had kids. DH and I have jt at ours and his dad and brown came. Sometimes his sister and her partner, sometimes my mum. Only once in 14 years have we gone to my sisters. That was my mums last Christmas so I'm grateful we did.

DH's brother is single so he always comes to us but they've fallen out this year so who knows!!

Just ask, say you were thinking of doing it now you have children