When does Christmas go down a generation?

[Improvising]

My Mum is an amazing host, always has been. But.. I'd quite like to host Christmas Day now I have a husband and DC of my own. She is on her own now and it's quite a lot for her. She's completely capable but also slightly old fashioned so it's just always quite a formal strange day where it could be much more relaxed and fun at our house.
Does anyone have any experience of this? I would hate to patronize her, so saying it'll make life easier for her isn't really an option.

My mum was over the moon when she didn’t have to do it any more.

I would frame it as “You’ve done amazing Christmases all our lives, now it’s our turn to treat you.”

We just share it around. Everyone is fit & capable of hosting so whoever feels like doing it that year volunteers and it falls into a rough rota of where we all go.

MIL doesn’t like not being the host but that just means we sometimes do Christmas at theirs on a different day not Xmas day itself.

We’re incredibly lucky to have a very undramatic, practical family when it comes to stuff like this.

As a child we always went to grandmas, the meal was amazing but her temper wasn't and we longed to get home to play with our toys.

Still going to grandmas at the point I got married, I then stopped going and went to my husband's sister.

Once my Son was born, we had Christmas at home.

When grandma died, Mother then bestowed her presence on her now adult children.

Mother died last year managing to have never cooked a Christmas dinner or hosting any family.

My brother in law used to say, she bummed meals from everyone.

We’ve only just taken over (kids mid and late teens) as it reached the point where we were doing most of it, just at their houses. DH was recuperating from a knee op that finally forced the point. Did feel quite liberating, although I was very grateful that they did it when the DC were small.

Just tell them it’s at yours this year. Never understood people taking miserable kids to grandparents for miserable sleep and rules. Have it at home and do what you want. I stopped the second I moved in with my DH and he was my family and we moved it around us the siblings and parents etc

We just said we’re having it at ours this year a few years ago. I love hosting and love Christmas and am a better cook than MiL, she would admit that herself. Our house is much cosier and just more ‘Christmassy’ (open fire, space for huge real tree) so they said fine and since then the tradition has been that we host the day. They come too early and leave too late but you can’t have it all!

My parents host, but it's very much a joint operation, I provide desserts, help buy lots of the ingredients. Always make cakes/bring bits for tea. Would love to host but my house is too small, even though there are only 7 of us including one baby!

As soon as I had children, I did xmas my own way.

Just invite her. She doesn't own Christmas and there isn't an age when it automatically shifts. It depends on circumstances - kids, size of house, geography, enjoying/not enjoying cooking, enjoying/not enjoying hosting etc etc

I think I first hosted when DD was almost 1 so her first Christmas. Since then we have done a mixture of us hosting or my mum hosting, although her circumstances have changed and she doesn't have as much disposable income as she did so I worry it is a big pressure for her, although I know she enjoys having us there.

There is added complications of divorces and step parents too but it all seems to sort itself out somehow!

We have a 5yo and an almost 2yo and have never managed to host yet - my parents are formal too, but the main reason is that we're in a small flat and there's no room for anyone to stay over. I was desperate to break free but we've failed to move this year as planned. Sigh.

@HikingBoots Our parents generation weren't but they all had way more living space much younger. My parents owned a four bed house at 26! We are 40 and 52 and still in a two bedroom flat with our kids (although trying to move)

Unfortunately my parents house is the only one big enough to accommodate us all, and my father can't travel, so my siblings and I are still going there every year despite being late forties. Obviously we do a lot of the buying / cooking / all the clearing up etc, and try to take as much of the work on as possible. I would love to host everyone, but it won't be possible until my father dies, bluntly.

We hosted once we had DC.

I personally wouldn't have a problem with that 😂. Best of both worlds...

When our DC were a couple of years old. We’d had a couple of years of travelling to family, taking turns each year, and although it was lovely seeing family we decided that we wanted to stay at home and create our own traditions; for the kids to wake up, open their presents and be able to spend the day playing with them while dinner is prepared. We’ve loved every Christmas at home. It was hard telling our families when we made the decision but we made the right choice for us as they live hours away and all that travelling at Christmas time isn’t fun for DC. We couldn’t even take all their presents as we knew we’d need room for presents from family (we had a small car/ toddler toys were big!). We see them in early December or January instead and it works for us.

This! We host now as we have the biggest house. But none of our generation have children so it’s taken a long time.

But my mum always helps me with the cooking, and she and dad bring some prepped veg with them. I’m not up to her gravy standards yet!

Still going to Parents and I'm in my 40s with children! If I hosted I'd have no escape from sibling and parents arguing for half the day! Much better to waltz up for dinner and leave when it kicks off!

My DS and DiL hosted for the first time last year. Before that it was my DH and I. No doubting that DiL is a better cook than I am but I think she just didn't have the confidence to say that she'd like to do it. I helped out financially as they aren't that well off and my DSis and I did all the dishes but aside from that, they did the lot.

DS is in his early 30's, DIL is late 20's. It was different but good. She's already planning this year so I guess she's got it in her mind as something they do rather than us now. I don't mind at all, and am very grateful to her for taking over.

Tell her you'd like to host Christmas but would she like to help you at your house. If she feels included in the day, she may be more open to the change

Once we got married we had ILs for Xmas day and went to my parents for Boxing day for another Christmas. I was a very inexperienced cook, luckily MIL was quite happy to just not be cooking!

I said to my mum that it would be nice to do it at our house, then Covid struck, and we've not had a Christmas- or Boxing day together since. (DM - health anxiety so we sadly barely see my parents any more).

My mum was a great host. Now she just cooks for three, not ten and is enjoying it being more low key. And I cook for five (us and BIL).

Hosting is expensive and tiring so tbh as soon as my DC (teens now) wanted to host I'd let them! I love other people cooking for me .

I've got 3 adult kids, eldest will have two under two by Christmas, she lives locally so will stay at home but come for dinner . I'm still hosting at home and I imagine it will carry on for a few years yet. My house is the only one that's set up to host a large meal for 12+ and I'm the only person with experience of catering for large numbers. I enjoy it even. Plus, I think my kids enjoy my food and it tastes more like Christmas than if they did it at home. I don't doubt they will start their own new traditions going forward though. And even though I'm only young myself at 45 , I'm looking forward to mixing it up a bit in the future.

When my mum died (in my twenties) we stopped Christmas. Only started doing it again when I had dc, a number of years later. We invited DF and DB & SIL, and they’ve been coming ever since, along with a friend who is on her own and has nowhere else to go. This year we’ll also have our Ukrainians. I’m not actually sure how we’ll fit everyone round the table!

PIL and the rest of DH’s family are all abroad. He’s repeatedly tried to get them to come to us with no success. One year we tried going to them, but it was a bit crap - Christmas isn’t the same in their country. New Year is a huge deal there though, so we often go there for that instead and catch up with them all then.

She’ll probably be over the moon to hand it off to you. Just say the kids are better off staying at home.

@YukoandHiro we just went for it in our little 1.5 bed flat!! But I appreciate not everyone is prepared to!

We went to my grandparents' until they died and we will no doubt do the same with my parents. But both had/have very big houses in the country which are designed for having family to stay. It's just the way our family does it, so there's no right answer.

But Christmas at my parents' is definitely more magical than Christmas at home because they have the open fire going, surrounded by acres of land for a Christmas morning frosty walk, a huge dining room that's all done up for Christmas. Our house is festive but it's not quite the same!