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Original poster

When does Christmas go down a generation?

76 replies

Improvising · 18/09/2022 00:52

My Mum is an amazing host, always has been. But.. I'd quite like to host Christmas Day now I have a husband and DC of my own. She is on her own now and it's quite a lot for her. She's completely capable but also slightly old fashioned so it's just always quite a formal strange day where it could be much more relaxed and fun at our house.
Does anyone have any experience of this? I would hate to patronize her, so saying it'll make life easier for her isn't really an option.

OP posts:

Chdjdn · 18/09/2022 08:16

After we had our first DD we went for one year to each grandparent then said we’d like Christmas in our own home from now and they were welcome to us; my DH wanted to host and I wanted our children to have their Christmas at home; both mums were quite relieved to pass that task over

Billybagpuss · 18/09/2022 08:17

I’m in my 50s and it’s literally only been the last few years. Dad likes a drink so doesn’t want to drive, we have friends in my DP village who we’d meet in the pub but I would far rather have just stayed home.

this year all our adult children will have moved out but we are hosting and also have a friends family coming so I’m getting excited. Also now we are just 2 for Christmas Eve and all the other days I don’t have to fuss about other stuff.

MissyB1 · 18/09/2022 08:20

Oh God I’m longing for this day! My adult boys still come to us, but they don’t have kids yet. I find hosting quite stressful, I would love someone else to take charge of Christmas!

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KohlaParasaurus · 18/09/2022 08:20

"Doing Christmas" gradually became my responsibility after I had children. It became a huge burden of pressure and expectation to produce a perfect family occasion all by myself with my XH and my mother sniping from the sidelines. Now the situation is reversed again. My father (mid-80s) likes cooking Christmas dinner, and DH and I visit my parents, taking whichever adult DC are around and want to come.

3peassuit · 18/09/2022 08:23

Just tell people you’re doing it this year. I’ve been hosting Christmas for the last 40 years. I’d bloody love it if one of my DC did it instead.

savehannah · 18/09/2022 08:24

I'm 44 with 3 teens and the only time I've cooked xmas lunch was during Covid 2020 when we Zoom xmassed with my parents.
The main reason we still go there is if we did it we wouldn't throw as much money at it and I think my dad who is a perfectionist especially would think it wasn't as good. Eg they do potatoes in goose fat, I'd do vegetable oil etc.
I'm fairly sure my parents do still enjoy hosting, though I probably should check....

Sswhinesthebest · 18/09/2022 08:27

We took over when the kids were 8/10ish. No particular reason other than it was easier and the parents getting older.

NCHammer2022 · 18/09/2022 08:27

My parents downsized a couple of years ago and now we have the biggest table. My mum has some health problems and it had been getting a bit too much for her anyway so this was a really good excuse to move it to ours.

NCHammer2022 · 18/09/2022 08:28

Oh, and I’m mid 30s and my parents are late 60s. If my mum was healthy and they were still in the big house it would have stayed with them though.

Talkingtocamels · 18/09/2022 08:28

I did it for the first time last year. I was 45, mum was 73. Kids are 10 and 8

RudsyFarmer · 18/09/2022 08:28

If hosting Christmas is very important to your Mum I think I’d go in a bit more carefully. The last thing you want to do is make her feel worthless when she might already feel lonely.

How about saying to her that you’d love to host Christmas at your house this year and wondered if she’d be happy to come along and help? Or maybe ask if she’d bring her signature dish? You need to word it in such a way that she still feels welcome and involved.

Hastingsontheup · 18/09/2022 08:29

We swap about a bit more, we did Christmas for the first time when my Mum was away with her Mum looking after her as her Dad was dying in hospital. I did it next 4 years later as I has a newborn and a 2 year old and thought it would be easier to be at home. Since then we have hosted about every 3 or 4 years with Mum and Dad, my sister and MIL.

boilingstormyseas · 18/09/2022 08:32

Late 50s here with adult children (but no gc yet). Can't wait for someone to get to that stage and take over Christmas lunch duties.

GiantTortoise · 18/09/2022 08:36

My MIL loves hosting and my parents definitely don't! So the Christmases we spend with my side of the family are always hosted by us and have been since we got married, whereas the ones we spend with my DH's side of the family (we do alternate years) are sometimes hosted by us and other years we travel to PILs. I don't think they'll be hosting again though, as it's getting too much for them, so the final one was when they were late 70s, we were early 40s and our DC were aged 8 to 12.

mummabubs · 18/09/2022 08:36

We're having our first Christmas Day at home (other than 2020(!)) our children are 4 and 1. Our families live 200 miles away and it was starting to get a bit much packing up and travelling to them every year. Now our eldest 'gets' Christmas we wanted to mark it in our own house and then go and see family between the 25th and New Year.

LionessesRules · 18/09/2022 08:42

When we got married, we split Xmas between the 2 families.
We host DHs parents, but Mum hosts us. That won't change while Dad still has a business to run.

blibblibs · 18/09/2022 08:48

We stopped going to PIL once we had DC.
MIL was a bit put out until it was pointed out that was exactly what she did years earlier. They came the first year, gave me a hardback velvet covered 'How to host Christmas ' book the following year and haven't been back in 14 years 😂
DM came every year after, even when we lived at the other end of the country and abroad so I don't think we were terrible hosts!
DM died last year not long before Christmas so it's just a quite day in PJ's now.

dummymummy123 · 18/09/2022 08:52

Our little ones first Christmas was 2020. We had my in laws up in the morning & went to my parents in the afternoon for dinner. Because it was the only day we had because of covid, I felt like I was pushing my in laws out to get to my parents. We were also knackered by the end of the day.

Last year we decided to have an open invitation to family, had party food in the freezer & had dinner just the 3 of us at the end of the day. Much more relaxing. We’ll have plenty of time to host Christmas dinner when my little one isn’t so little anymore. I want to enjoy the time with family without someone stuck in the kitchen.

SallyWD · 18/09/2022 08:55

My parents are in their 80s/70s and seem very relieved that I offered to host Christmas. It's just too exhausting for them. Just suggest it. You don't have to frame it as it being too much for her. Just say you'd like to host it for a change.

TwinkleChristmas · 18/09/2022 08:56

When we had kids we stopped taking it in turns and do whatever we like now.

We are away this Xmas.
Last 2 Christmases before were at home and seeing parents in the morning.
Last 2 years before the above was out for xmas dinner with my family

Huntswomanonthemove · 18/09/2022 08:56

I have grown up children and five grandchildren. I always arrange a day before Christmas and everyone comes. We do a family day, with a big roast and a special tea in the evening. We have crackers, games and exchange presents with any family we’re not seeing on Christmas Day. This takes the pressure off my family, who can then do whatever suits. I always say Christmas isn’t just about Christmas Day and Boxing Day. You can make any day special.

buzz91 · 18/09/2022 08:59

It's up to you, we always went to my Nan’s when I was a kid, and I still do with my dh and dd 😳

OhWelllWhatever · 18/09/2022 09:05

RudsyFarmer · 18/09/2022 08:28

If hosting Christmas is very important to your Mum I think I’d go in a bit more carefully. The last thing you want to do is make her feel worthless when she might already feel lonely.

This is perfect op. A cheery "I'm doing xmas and you're welcome to come" as perfectly reasonable as it is has the potential to upset her if its usually her domain. Tell her you want to stay at home but you would love it is she was there and xmas wont be the same without her roast potatoes/cabbage/whatever

RoachTheHorse · 18/09/2022 09:07

speakout · 18/09/2022 07:14

As soon as I had children.
I am not removing children from the comfort of their own home and new toys to go visiting.
Others are welcome to visit, eat, lifts will be provided if needed.

This.

We also have the added value of divorced parents on both sides. So we do it here with a standing invite to all. In reality MIL comes on Xmas day and either side, then we see my mum, then FIL for new year time. It works for us all and our set up. If we started going to their houses we'd have to rotate every year.

I really recommend communicating about it!

Notplayingball · 18/09/2022 09:09

We have four DC and always spend it on our own at home. Lovely and relaxed. Can go at my own schedule. There's two weeks to visit family!

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