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Does anyone else HATE driving places they don't know?

170 replies

slinkydinkydonkey · 17/09/2022 17:49

Me and DH have had a massive argument because of this and it stresses me out so much. I have always hated driving places that I don't know where I'm going - I can't explain why but it causes me extreme anxiety and I just hate it. My DH on the other hand doesn't get this at all and calls me ridiculous and he cannot understand why I get so panicked about this.

Am I weird or does anyone else get this?

OP posts:
luckylavender · 18/09/2022 08:38

yonce · 17/09/2022 18:00

My mum does this - I genuinely can't understand it, unless you're abroad, the rules of the road are the same if you're driving in a familiar place or somewhere new. If you just follow the rules of the road, and drive carefully it's just the same? Or is it more an unexplainable irrational fear? I sometimes worry about driving in foreign countries but I just make sure I read up on their rules to give me a good head start!

My mum only drives on the same familiar roads and won't do motorways, she's a terrible driver though - because she thinks she knows the roads she always drives super well, she's bad at paying attention on the roads or reacting to situations, it worries me a lot!

I'm not the biggest fan of driving as I have no sense of direction. Don't have a sat nat, but have tried them and they don't help. My brand new car doesn't have one.

SouperNoodle · 18/09/2022 08:41

Yep! I get this exactly.
Even if I'm going somewhere local that I've not been to before, I have to have sat Nav on or I get really anxious.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 18/09/2022 08:45

my satnav opened the world up for me!
i gained confidence

MrsRhodes · 18/09/2022 08:58

PuttingDownRoots · 17/09/2022 17:54

I hate getting lost. Fortunately I have Sat nav...

I still manage to get lost even with sat nav ... 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

FurAndFeathers · 18/09/2022 09:07

I don’t get this.
I guess my question is what are you stressed about? What’s the worst that could happen?

I assume you’re using Google maps or similar so you can route-plan? And if you take a wrong turn it will redirect you?
just leave some extra time to ensure you aren’t rushing.

what specifically are you anxious about @slinkydinkydonkey ? Verbalising this might help your DH to understand

LT2 · 18/09/2022 09:16

Yes, I am like this. So is my mother. Luckily, I have a partner who prefers to be the driver. I always offer, as I wouldn't like to be the one driving everywhere all the time. He genuinely prefers to drive, even when it's a familiar place that I'd like to drive to!

PizzaFunghi · 18/09/2022 09:21

yes, I hate it too. I spend ages going through google maps and trying to work out junctions before hand. It's particularly city centres, onw-way systems, places where the lanes don't work as expected - you can be looking at so many signs, and it's easy to miss one. Spiral roundabouts are especially bad, as the paint is often worn down, so it's really not very clear which lanes go where. in fact that is a problem in many places - paint is worn off, and the signs were too far back, or drivers covering the paint, and you can suddenly lose confidence that you are in the right bit. Or local knowledge means that people do unexpected things, or know that certain lanes are the ones to be in as others turn very quickly into bus lanes or something.

A lot of junctions look weird to me, who didn't grow up here, and I might drive past something and think 'no that can't be the turning' and then maybe it was, some little narrow road that looks line an alley, or some complicated angle that you think must be for cars coming the other way or whatever. Then you've missed it and you're stuck. The signs aren't always easy to spot and when you're under pressure with traffic everywhere else, frustrated if you are slow about it all, it's easy to panic. Mostly old town centres for this kind of thing, not set up for cars initially, so it's all a bit unpredictable how it's been dealt with. Bus lanes, timed bollards, pedestrian only bits at certain times or days, narrow lanes that you might think are one way but aren't, or vice versa. You can plan it out on google first, but it can still be confusing in person, or with all the extra traffic and roadworks and stuff. Or when you get there, you realise the route that seemed ok on google was not the best for some reason, and then have to navigate totally on your own.

There aren't always places to pull over - that's the problem I usually have! In town centres, nowhere to stop even, so you just have to kind of keep going into whatever complicated one-way system you've got involved in, trying to figure out how to get out of it into a residential bit where you might be allowed to stop.

If drivers were more patient with others, it might be easier, but most people are in a hurry to get where they need to be, and have little patience with people who seem unsure about anything.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 18/09/2022 09:47

I don't get it... surely if you drive somewhere you don't know once.. you do know it? How did you get to know the paces you do drive?

Is you husband annoyed because he has to do all the driving? To be honest, if I was him I'd be fed up of that too.

Surely the more you drive the easier it is?

ParsleySageRosemary · 18/09/2022 10:40

My sympathy op, I still get very worried about new places too. Not knowing which lane to be in approaching roundabouts or on ring roads - ring roads are the work of the devil imo - and not knowing where to park, etc. Satnav is amazing but doesn’t always tell you what lanes are best to be in, especially in decent advance time during rushhour. It does get easier the more I do it, but hasn’t gone away yet!

hewouldwouldnthe · 18/09/2022 10:52

Since getting a sat nav as soon as they came out, I've really not been bothered, and I can get lost in a paper bag. I used to cry with anxiety if I was somewhere unfamiliar and got lost (inevitable). Getting lost all the time is actually beneficial in the long run because you learn how to safely get out of sticky situations

lizziesiddal79 · 18/09/2022 11:07

Itsbeenabadday · 17/09/2022 18:18

Yes, if I know I have to drive somewhere u familiar I will be anxious about it for a couple of weeks leading up to it, can't enjoy my time at the destination knowing I have to drive all the way back. I don't put myself through it anymore as I was getting painful shoulders and jaw from the stress. I stick to a few local routes, no A roads or motorways. I try every now and again but just hate it. Believe it or not I'm actually a very high functioning person in all other wareas of life! I am quite ashamed of my anxiety around driving tbh, my husband gets frustrated but is generally understanding and supportive. Some people just aren't capable of empathising at all. I mean I can't understand it myself tbh, I see little old ladies driving down the motorway I think cripes if they can do it why can't I?!

I could’ve written this. 💐

user1471538283 · 18/09/2022 11:31

I do! I get in a right mess and usually end up lost!

Part of it is because I dont drive anywhere I do not know anymore so I've lost confidence.

But if I have to I can. Make sure you've got a full tank of petrol, water and snacks and directions with plenty of time. Baby steps.

I've offered to drive somewhere I dont know and my bf has declared "oh christ no" because I drive so slowly 😄

slinkydinkydonkey · 18/09/2022 13:31

I'm glad im not alone. And I appreciate all the kind words. If I absolutely have to drive I'll rope a friend to come with me. I find that helps with my anxiety just having another person there with me. I suppose we're all different- some people love public speaking, others hate it. Some can handle big exams or interviews, some absolutely curl up in knots over it.

I suppose Just because you don't suffer from
The same anxiety inducing triggers doesn't mean that others are invalid or stupid.

OP posts:
Quebeccles · 18/09/2022 14:14

I get it, OP. I’ve been driving for decades, regularly make long (4+ hour) motorway journeys and am a confident driver. But I don’t much like driving to places I don’t know, unless someone's with me to navigate. Just think about where you live - you know the roads and all their little quirks and peculiarities like the back of your hand. But anywhere else is a complete unknown quantity.

Its partly to do with the appalling road signage in this country - how many times have you been going somewhere you don’t know, say to Leicester for argument's sake, trying to follow signs, and suddenly they just disappear and you’re dithering hopelessly in traffic when everyone else knows exactly where they’re going? And the road layouts are terrible too: you’re in a lane and realise you’re in the wrong one, which is a left turn only when you need to go right……SO stressful! Inconsiderate drivers only add to the pressure. Yes, satnav can be helpful but it doesn’t always take you by the most straightforward route.

So now I do what a few other people have mentioned. I'm a visual person so I check the route on Google in advance and get as good a grasp as possible of where I need to go and which general lanes I need to be in, etc. and I do use a satnav as a failsafe.

Sympathies. It is stressful but you can do it.

Curlygirl06 · 18/09/2022 15:07

Diversion · 17/09/2022 20:24

I completely understand where you are coming from! I hate driving and I have a weird thing which some have described as directional dyslexia. Sat navs are no use to me either, I need to be able to see where I am going and use google maps to check the route on local journeys. I avoid motorways, have never driven on one and need landmarks to help me on the return journey. I know 3 ways to work but my head cannot compute how the roads join up at all. It takes me a long time to get used to a journey before I feel comfortable and it only needs a road closed or diversion sign to send me into a panic. Luckily I have a husband who loves driving and who understands my issues. We had a new road built around here, it took me 2 years to drive down it and even now I am not too keen.

Yep this is me. I have no internal view of where local places are in relation to other local places, and I've lived here for 45 years!
I get lost in buildings, always want to turn left and when I convince myself I should turn right that's always the time I should have listened to myself and turn left.
I had to drive back from Bristol once, the sat nav sent me the wrong way and I was nearly crying by the time I got to ask someone how the hell I could find the right road. I hate it.
My kids don't have this issue but when one of them got completely lost once she panicked, and said she now knows how I feel all the time, and how frightening it is.

FurAndFeathers · 18/09/2022 15:17

slinkydinkydonkey · 18/09/2022 13:31

I'm glad im not alone. And I appreciate all the kind words. If I absolutely have to drive I'll rope a friend to come with me. I find that helps with my anxiety just having another person there with me. I suppose we're all different- some people love public speaking, others hate it. Some can handle big exams or interviews, some absolutely curl up in knots over it.

I suppose Just because you don't suffer from
The same anxiety inducing triggers doesn't mean that others are invalid or stupid.

@slinkydinkydonkey
has anyone on the thread said that your anxiety is invalid or stupid?
are those your husband’s words?

if you could articulate what it is you are anxious about then we might be able to offer some helpful suggestions. A lot of us have experience of overcoming anxiety in the examples you’ve given. Anxiety about the unknown is normal, but allowing that anxiety to dictate your life isn’t. Overcoming reasonable anxiety is something many of us do on a regular basis.

literally every place is a new place until you’ve driven it so you already have some experience of driving to new places. You can build on that!

Fizbosshoes · 20/12/2022 18:28

I get it. I don't love it, but I do it.
Even with satnav you occasionally get road sign overload or road "furniture" which means there are lots of extra things to notice and concentrate on which you wouldn't need if you know where you're going.

Feeling cautious or nervous about some aspects of driving seems to be some sort of crime on MN.
I regularly do the Dartford crossing so I'm used to it but I'd think I'd find it stressful if I was unfamiliar with it because there's a ridiculous amount of signs/traffic lights/changing speed limits/warning you're in a congestion zone/details how to pay....as well as the usual exits for the motorway etc.

SilverGlassHare · 20/12/2022 18:31

I’m fine with it as long as I have a satnav and I’ve had chance to check where I’m going to park at the destination. I find public transport far more stressful, especially buses. What if it goes on a detour?!

AngeloMysterioso · 20/12/2022 18:37

I only passed my test in September and 5 days later I did a 160 mile round trip that included the M25 and the Dartford crossing.

I learnt to drive so I would have more independence and be able to get out and about to wherever I like. Would be a bit pointless if I only ever drove around the area where I live. I use a sat nav app on my phone if I’m unsure of the route.

garlictwist · 20/12/2022 18:53

I don't mind driving places I don't know etc but I am not as a massive fan of big junctions with lots of lanes. I always seem to be in the wrong place. My top tip is don't use sat nav - there's too much going on. Instead, work out in advance what the name of the road/exit you need is, and look at the markings on the floor and at the sign with the picture of the junction. It makes more sense to me.

allsogreen · 20/12/2022 19:09

yes, this is me! It actually has a massive negative impact on my life. I get so , so anxious when I have to go somewhere new, especailly busy city centre areas. Ive just started a new job which involves sometimes having to drive around a busy city I generally avoid driving in. Honestly every time I have to go somewhere new I stress about it for days before hand.I obsess over google maps, look on google earth to try to work out what lane I need to be in at juncitons, where to par etc... I do have a sat nav, which helps to some extent but honestly the anxiety is still really off the scale. The thing is I know it is irrational.I am actually a fairly good driver I think. I am a very senior professional person who generally otherwaise functions really well in life. I thought it may get better once I started this job and had to do it more without being able to get out of it, but actually I think it is making it worse. DH also doenst really get it. My adult dc also all think Im a bt mad! I actually cant quite put into words what a negative effect this has had on my whole life tbh.

Newtrix · 20/12/2022 19:10

I don't mind driving places I don't know as long as I know the parking situation once I'm there!!

woodhill · 20/12/2022 19:11

Newtrix · 20/12/2022 19:10

I don't mind driving places I don't know as long as I know the parking situation once I'm there!!

Yes same here

museumum · 20/12/2022 19:13

I’m 100% fine with satnav. Pre-satnav I hated it, trying to find somewhere to pull over to check the map, missing turns, trying to follow signs at speed etc. but with satnav it’s all so easy.

electricmoccasins · 20/12/2022 19:24

allsogreen · 20/12/2022 19:09

yes, this is me! It actually has a massive negative impact on my life. I get so , so anxious when I have to go somewhere new, especailly busy city centre areas. Ive just started a new job which involves sometimes having to drive around a busy city I generally avoid driving in. Honestly every time I have to go somewhere new I stress about it for days before hand.I obsess over google maps, look on google earth to try to work out what lane I need to be in at juncitons, where to par etc... I do have a sat nav, which helps to some extent but honestly the anxiety is still really off the scale. The thing is I know it is irrational.I am actually a fairly good driver I think. I am a very senior professional person who generally otherwaise functions really well in life. I thought it may get better once I started this job and had to do it more without being able to get out of it, but actually I think it is making it worse. DH also doenst really get it. My adult dc also all think Im a bt mad! I actually cant quite put into words what a negative effect this has had on my whole life tbh.

I am exactly the same x