Food bank Fussiness

[VeronicaFranklin]

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning, recently due to cost of living we've had more and more people using it.

All sorts of people, some working families, some exclusively on benefits, some elderly, retired due to ill health and some homeless / alcohol/ drug addiction. There really is no face to food poverty and it's very sad to see so many people struggling to feed themselves and their families. I feel glad there are places people can turn to if they need help...

However...

We give people a sheet when they arrive, they tick a number of items (depending on if they are a family/couple/single person) they wish to have, I go off to pack up their items.

More recently I've had people complain if they wanted something we had a previous week but don't have this week, i.e. requesting Frosties and we only have Cornflakes, or Semi skimmed milk but we only have skimmed. One lady said to me on Sat when I didn't have the soup she liked ' well it just isn't good enough'...

Also people arguing with us if say someone has received a certain brand (donated) and they haven't. For example someone got 'Asda's own washing up liquid and saw someone had got 'Fairy' brand washing up liquid and started complaining it wasn't fair...

I just feel really disappointed. Everyone is entitled to help and most people are very thankful but we rely solely on donations and charity surplus to run the food bank, many of the volunteers give up their time to help even when their circumstances aren't much better than those using the food bank and we often buy items to bring to cover the shortfall in donations especially toiletries such as sanitary towels and toothpaste, but I can't help feeling recently like people are being ungrateful.

Is it unreasonable if you're getting something for free to feel you're entitled to complain? How would you handle it?

Being basically polite and reasonable to volunteers at a charity which is helping you is not « an extra » imo. It should be expected.

I think that if people are met where they are at the moment, and helped in that moment, then that doesn't preclude change from happening in the future - in fact, I think it makes it more likely. But even if not more likely, I think it is a necessary precondition for change - to start where they are, not where you think they should be, or where someone else might be, or where you think you'd be if you were in their shoes.

Would you expect this of a person with Alzheimers for example?

"Despite strenuous efforts, the researchers were unable to locate any such families (with three generations of worklessness) Even two generations of complete worklessness in the same family was a very rare phenomenon"

Then clearly they're not looking anything like as hard as they pretend.
Nobody with sense suggests that all claimants fall into these categories, or even that they form a majority, but to imply that they don't exist at all is an outright lie

Understandable, though; as said this is an industry and it's only natural to want to protect their own income

Some people volunteer because they want to help others.

Some volunteer because they want to heal their own past trauma.

Some volunteer because they want the training or to be able to say they did it (we regularly got people train as a Samaritan, do one shift and quit, so they could put it on their CV or university application).

Some do it because they like the ego boost of people thinking they're a wonderful person.

Some do it because it puts them in a position where they can be looked up to and have influence over vulnerable people. See the news articles about Samaritans meeting callers for sex. Despicable.

Some do it because they're bored and just trying to fill their day.

Some do it because they're busybodies who like to know everyone's business.

Many more reasons. It's an error to think all volunteers are kind, benevolent, skilled people. Some do more harm than good!

Various ime.
To get experience to become more employable
In some careers helps to have it on the CV
For the social side
Curiosity, both positive from genuine interest in people's lives, to plain nosiness
Something different, gets you out of the house.
Need for fulfillment
Because friends do it
Like to be able to tell other people they do it
Sense of self importance
Enjoy power/sense of superiority over the client group
Political reasons, FBs do a lot of campaign work
Nothing wrong with most of these of course.

Exactly. And so are lots of service users at food banks. But lots are rude and entitled too. As many have explained no section of society, poor or rich, is exclusively made up of polite reasonable people. There are rude entitled people in all parts of society.

The idea that all food Bank users are good people and never do anything wrong is just patronizing nonsense. People are people.

@NippyWoowoo in the phrase "decent democracy" the adjective "decent" relates to how well a democracy works in delivering the will of the people. It doesn't presuppose what that will actually is.

Generally yes although of course we can make allowances for people who may not be capable of being polite or reasonable. But I have elderly relatives who had Alzheimer’s who certainly were capable of being polite.

But that’s nothing to do with people being rude to volunteers because they want branded goods rather than non branded for free.

^
The idea that all food Bank users are good people and never do anything wrong is just patronizing nonsense. People are people.^

I think there is a difference between saying they are all people deserving of help and should be treated as such is different from saying they never do anything wrong, though. You can accept someone as being deserving despite poor behaviour, seeing the inherent worth in them while at the same time not thinking that all their behaviours are ok.

The idea that all food Bank users are good people and never do anything wrong is just patronising nonsense

This!!! The way some people think that if someone is stressed it is acceptable to be rude and demanding?! In what world is this okay?! Turning nose up at an own brand washing up liquid and demanding Fairy. This is not what food banks are about!

I'd love some of these goody two shoes on here to spend a week volunteering in (or even just visiting) crime ridden, deprived areas, and see how long they last!

Perhaps they were mobility cars? The amount of weirdness and jealously that kicks in when someone has a 21 plate mobility car, which they pay for and are extremely difficult to qualify for, is baffling

Op isn’t saying anyone is undeserving of help though. She is just having a moan about people being rude and entitled which is fair enough.

to be honest I don’t think anyone is necessarily « deserving « of brand name items though in any situation (unless some genuine reason eg allergies). Many people don’t buy branded goods (me included) as the coat isn’t justifiable. Saying that food bank users « deserve « brand names is nuts. Non branded stuff is fine for everyone else so why not food bank users?

You have successfully signaled your virtue….now in the real world…I help run a food bank and we have exactly the same issues as the OP. We don’t expect people to be grateful but we do expect them not to be twats. We exist on donations, how do you thing the donor of cheaper stuff feels when someone turns their nose up at it?

Yes, you can be non-judgemental and kind but you can also be aware that some people are using it when they don’t need to and sometimes to sell the food to get drugs. I’ve made deliveries to clients who couldn’t get there before and the smell of weed nearly knocked me out when the front door opened. We’ve had people turn up in box-fresh trainers and drive their brand new BMW up to get their food parcel.

Not everyone who uses a food bank is in need, sadly. But most are. We pay for a social worker to come and chat to any new client to make sure they are maximizing their state benefits and getting everything they’re entitled to and that does wonders to get most help to the people that need it and weed out the chancers. OP, the vast majority are genuinely in need and you’re doing a great thing.

@carefullycourageous I worked there for 35 years. It's not a lie, I have seen it. So yes, I saw generations of people following their parents. It's a minority but those people had children who were among the most deprived.
You have missed my point anyway which wasn't to judge those people but to recognise that they can be difficult and their children are in most need of the help.

no, not directly saying that, but indirectly, by implying that there is a sense of deserving poor who are appropriately grateful and polite etc. It's more of an abstract sense and a kind of philosophical discussion I guess, moving away from this specific instance. And I think you probably have to start with this basic fundamental of everyone being worthwhile and deserving, whether their behavioru and language obscures that at times or not. Lots of comments and moaning about gratefulness and entitlement and so on start to create this notion of deserving/undeserving in people's minds, even subconsciously - and I think most people have to work against that as it's a natural thought. So it's worth keeping in mind that encouraging these views, even inadvertently, can be ultimately harmful

Motobility Range Rovers? Not sure the mobility payment covers that

Totally agree.

Carefully courageous assumption that all food bank users are alcoholics/drug users with mental health problems is a reflection of their outdated view of food banks and the place they hold in today's society.

If they'd ever stepped foot in one they'd realise most using food banks at the moment are actually families on low incomes where one or more members work but they simply cannot afford to make ends meet.

This is why I give cash, now. Of course, it doesn't have the same 'feel good' factor, but it's better, and more efficient, for the food bank.
When I needed to use a Foodbank (just out of DV refuge, strange area, unable to claim benefits), I gave back some items that we wouldn't use. Giving me tuna fish and cow milk that someone else could use, was a waste (we're vegan). Spaghetti hoops would have sat in the cupboard until they went out of date, because my child doesn't like them. He was undergoing enough changes, without being force fed food that made him miserable.
So, I was grateful, but there's also a point to be made, here. Do we really need an underclass of people who have been denied choice - told to disregard their morals and ethics?
The volunteers seemed to think so. They thought I should have been grateful for tins of fish and mince, and cartons of cow milk.
So, as well as cash, I give cases of soya milk. And mid range brands, because it could make all the difference to someone who already feels worthless.

Why does the word 'deserving' come into this conversation in 2022?

There are people in need and people who are not in need. Yet.

Has society not moved past the mores of the Dickensian world?

Ah, I don't take it personally. I realise that for some people debating on MN is a sport.

I quite enjoy a bit of healthy debate and seeing people's differing points of view even if some of them are ridiculous.

Honestly that is a bit stupid.
A foodbank is not trying to make changes to people's lives. That is what say drug and alcohol addiction charities do. A foodbank is just giving food. Giving someone a can of beans feeds them and stops them starving, it does not help them get a job, improve their mental health or tackle an addiction.

Being polite is very different to being grateful.

@PizzaFunghi
Excellent posts.

To all those supporting the OP's alleged 'right to vent' -
Where is the line between venting and demonising?
Where is the line between venting and providing an open invitation to the general public to demonise?

There is no line. This is the Internet and we can do and discuss whatever we like.